Cabin Fever
by Liv-x-Case-Benson
Summary: Co-writer: E. Scribbles - A cabin invite for the weekend proves more than just a friendly gesture. It was only to show the redhead off. When she finds out & tries to intervene, she get caught in a dangerous forbidden love she can't deny. T-M
1. Warmth

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 1: Warmth**

Liz gestured for Casey to sit opposite her, and once she had, the older woman seemed to stare at her for a long time. Casey wished she had nails left to bite. Instead, she made do with the inside of her mouth, jumping a little when the DA started to speak. "Are you busy this weekend, Ms. Novak?"

She jumped. "Why?"

"I'm having a little get together at my cabin. It's about 2 hours from here. I'd like you to come."

"Any reason why?"

"It's a group of influential people in the justice section. I advise that you do come. Strongly. I will get my aide to bring you the address on Friday."

She nodded. "Alright. I'll go. Anything else?"

"That is all. Close the door on your way out."

"Okay," she answered walking out and closing the door behind her. She wondered if Alex had gotten the same invitation. She went and knocked on her door.

"Come in." Alex pushed her glasses on as Casey walked into the room. She was sitting in her office on the edge of her desk, legs crossed. Why would you do that in your own office? Casey couldn't take her eyes off her legs.

Casey walked in. "Alex." She cleared her throat trying to take her mind off of Alex's beautifully long legs.

"That's what it says on the door, Casey, yes."

Casey rolled her eyes. "Um, I was wondering, did you get an invite from Liz about this weekend?"

Alex sighed and looked up. "Unfortunately."

"Unfortunately?"

"It usually involves a lot of women in low cut dresses flirting with old men eyeing up the woman and a bit of bed hoping. And usually about one divorce a year, sometimes two."

She sighed. "Now I really regret accepting," she half-lied. Seeing Alex in a low-cut dress would be interesting.

"You don't have a choice. She asks, but she's not really asking. One year, I was sick and she made me go, so I wore a polo neck, and she didn't speak to me the whole time we were there. Neither did anyone else, come to think of it."

"So...you recommend...what for attire? Alex, this sounds...really out of my comfort zone. I-I don't know..."

"I wear something formal, but something I feel comfortable in. It doesn't make me particularly popular, but I have a feeling this year, I should have another loser to hang out with." Alex gave her a half smile before returning to the file she was reading.

"Uh, if I turn someone down...?"

"You'll get pigs blood poured all over your bed." At Casey's expression, Alex smiled. "You'll have to go to bed alone, with earmuffs, and spend the next day and at the loner table with me. It's probably not as bad as I remember it. You'll probably love it."

Casey scoffed, blushing as red as her hair. "Uh, hey Alex?"

"Mmm?"

"Is it – God, I hate saying this, so before I do can this never leave this room?"

Alex looked at her with renewed interest and gave a nod.

"Is it – only – women with men? Women can't sleep with other women?" she asked in a low voice. "I-I'm sorry. I've said too much. I'll just-just go—"

Alex waited until the blushing woman had left the room before grinning to herself.

Casey walked back to her office and sat at her desk, wondering what to pack. Should so try comfortable, like Alex had suggested, or untouchable? Of course, she didn't want to be completely untouchable...not from her. But why would she even notice her?

* * *

Casey pulled up to the lavish cabin instantly doubting her own ability. She'd never tried to seduce another woman before. Men? Oh, they were easy. A low-cut top, tight low-riders and they would easily riot. But she was...a different matter entirely.

The cabin was huge. There were already several expensive cars parked outside, and there was a sparkling lake meters from the entrance. She could just see men dangling their feet into it, and women, already wearing high heels, doing their best to push them in.

She sighed. This...wasn't her personality, her nature. She, in general, hated being eye candy for too many men at once. She was about to pull away when someone walked over to her, though from the distance, couldn't tell who it was.

A few seconds later, she recognized Alex, dressed in loose jeans and an old t-shirt, her hair tied up in a messy ponytail and possibly the oldest pair of sneakers in existence. "Are you going to sit in there all day, counselor?"

She shook her head. "Actually, I wasn't thinking of staying. I-it just looks too fancy and I'm not really one for being the eye of many men at once only interested in getting into bed."

"Too fancy?" Alex gave a twirl. "I've even been wearing the same underwear all week to make sure there was no hint of fancy in my outfit. And now you're here, you are NOT leaving me here alone."

Casey couldn't help smiling, though pulling a face at the underwear comment. "So you...want me to stay?" she asked, opening the car door.

"I NEED you to stay. Nice dress, by the way."

Casey look down, feeling her face heat up as Alex said she needed her for something. "Oh, um, thanks. I don't wear dresses too often," she replied, stepping out and closing the door before grabbing her bag.

Alex nodded, her eyes flitting over the low cut front. "They suit you. I'll show you your room."

Casey grabbed her arm. "We're not sharing rooms...are we?" she whispered.

Alex smiled to herself and turned around with a serious face. "That's not a problem, is it? You're with Geoff, a white collar lawyer from Michigan. He's really nice..."

"Uh...n-no. O-of course not. I-its just..." she was stumbling over her words horribly. "Where are you?"

"I'm kidding, Casey. I got here early. We are in the rooms at the top of the house. There are only two up there, so hopefully we won't even be able to hear anything. Unless of course you want to be downstairs."

She shook her head. "No, God, no!" Her breathing steadied. "Ah, thank you...Alex, about the other day...I know I said too much and I apologize. Men just make me uncomfortable, especially men I don't know."

"So, you mean you weren't trying to hint anything? Oh. Disappointing."

Before Casey could respond, Alex had disappeared inside the house, and when Casey stepped in, she found it full of people.

As soon as she was in, Liz grabbed her arm, demanding someone take her luggage so she could introduce her to people.

Casey was friendly, overly-friendly even, when Liz introduced her to the 10 to 12 other couples who were staying, saying she'd known then for years.

Alex stayed by the bar. Casey kept trying to get to her, but Liz kept offering drink after drink. Finally, she half-walked, half-staggered over to Alex, coming close to collapsing. "I k-kept t-trying t-to get o-o-over here. Wh-why are you over h-here?" she asked hiccupping on almost every word.

Alex reached out a hand to steady her. "No one much wants to talk to me, unless its about work, and no one much wants to talk about work unless they've been turned down by someone and its a bit early for that. How much have you had to drink?"

She grabbed Alex's arm. "N-no, idea. Liz k-kept sho-shoving them... My h-head's b-beginning to p-pound."

Alex reached across the bar to pour her a glass of water, handing it to her and sitting her down. "Stay here. I'll be back in a minute."

Casey leaned on the bar, sucking on the water, her vision a bit blurry, but she could still see.

Alex went to talk to Liz, but stopped a few steps away as she heard her discussing Casey. "She really would be an asset to your firm. She is brilliant. Excellent hand writing as well, which is always a bonus."

As the others within the circle laughed, Alex fumed. So this is what this weekend had been about. Last time they'd had one, one of the new graduates had disappeared. She hadn't thought much of it, but it made sense now.

Liz was trying to get rid of Casey by talking her up to everyone. Showing her off.

Casey rubbed her eyes, still not seeing straight. How much _had_ she had to drink?

Walking back to Casey, Alex made a plan in her mind, and by the time she reached her, she was smiling again. "Ok? Do you want to go and get some fresh air?"

Casey nodded. "Help me?"

Alex helped out onto the balcony, holding the glass of water as well, and sat her down on one of the large armchairs that rested out there.

Casey took a long drink, sighing and closing her eyes. "So I really won't have a choice?"

"A choice?" Alex sat on the arm of the chair

She nodded, biting her lip. "I-if someone asks me, I have to. I won't have a job if I don't, right? Not with you."

"Just leave that to me and try to sober up, ok?"

She shook her head. "I'll try, but it feels pretty hopeless. I feel light like-like someone slipped me something. But that's ridiculous, right? No one would... It's probably just the alcohol."

Alex put her face close to Casey's looking at her pupils

"Wh-what are you d-doing?" she asked in between hiccups.

"...I think it's just the alcohol. Let's just sit out here for a bit." Alex slid into the seat next to her.

"A-Alex, I kn-know how bad this might sound, but will you hold my hand?"

Alex reached out and held Casey's hand in hers, patting it reassuringly.

Casey turned on her side and stared into her eyes, her own drifting closed. "I'm sorry. I've never done anything like this before. Little scary."

"Sitting outside with a colleague?"

She shook her head. "No, in there," she gestured to the house.

"Standing in a room full of idiots? Really? I thought you'd been in court."

She nodded. "Court yeah, but I've never been drunk before or during. After yeah... And-and also I'm in the presence of a smart, beautiful, leggy, blue-eyed blonde who—Damn it! I apologize! I really did drink too much. You weren't...supposed to..."

"Supposed to know I'm irresistible? It's ok. I know. Your stuttering and blushing kind of gives it away, Miss Novak. You want some more water?"

She nodded. "Will you come back and sit with me?"

Alex gave her a smile. "Might do."

Casey smiled, relaxing a bit and closing her eyes.

Alex walked in to get her another drink, sighing as she was elbowed aside. After a few moments, she made her way outside to collect the bottle of water she'd left in her car instead.

Casey opened her eyes, gasping in awe at how the crescent moon reflected on the shiny, smooth surface of the lake. It was mesmerizing, absolutely beautiful.

"Casey Novak, right?" A man sat heavily next to her.

Her eyes shot open as she backed away a bit. "Yes and who might you be?"

"Nick. I work with Geoff."

"Oh yes. You work in Michigan. My colleague explained to me."

He nodded. "Did she ah...explain anything else to you?"

"Such as?"

"What these parties are about."

She blushed a bit, grateful it was dark. "Yes." was all she replied. She couldn't think too clearly right now.

"Good. So...interested?"

She shook her head. "No, I came to see how these go, not to be a cheap sell out with alcohol."

He gave a laugh. "What?"

"I'm not interested in you. I don't want to sleep with you!"

"Ah...I wanted to know if you wanted to go for a swim, I don't want to sleep with you, either! What the hell has your colleague been telling you?"

She shook her head. "Never mind that. I'm...waiting for her to get back. So you can be on your way."

"Fine. And lay off the drink. Weirdo." He walked back inside.

She scoffed, bringing her legs up and wrapping her arms around them. She probably should apologize, but why would Alex lie if she said she was just as uncomfortable. She closed her eyes and tried to make the pounding in her head go away.

A few moments later, the chair dipped as someone else sat down, and a hand slid into hers

She sighed, pulling her hand away. "I thought I already told you no!"

Alex pulled her hand back. "Sorry."

Her eyes snapped open again. "No, not you, Alex! Please! I'm sorry. Some guy asked me to go for a swim... Please! I'm sorry!"

"Hey, calm down. I got you some aspirin and some water. Who was it?" Alex put the aspirin in Casey's hand.

"Some guy who works with that Geoff you mentioned. Ah, Nick," she said downing the aspirin with water.

"Nick... Black hair? Asked you to go for a swim? Spotted you were new, I bet."

She nodded. "That would be him."

"He hates me. After I went swimming with his wife. Naked."

"His...w-wi-wife? A-Alex, I-I didn't know you—"

"I liked women? I don't. I like non-idiots, most of whom just happen to be women."

She sat up. "Oh, well that makes sense, but isn't that what it means?"

"As soon as I say what I am, Casey, I'm probably out of a job. You should remember that before you start sleeping in other women's' rooms."

"I-I've never told anyone...except you. I usually don't tell people. What you are? Don't you mean who? Isn't it sexist to fire you based on that?"

"They wouldn't say it was because of that. As long as you never say the G or the L word, you're ok. One of the judges has been with a woman for the past 20 years and everyone thinks its a phase. It's the words they have an issue with. I'd prefer to just...love and not label it."

Casey smiled. "That's a nice way of looking at it. So are you G or L?" she whispered next her ear. "All in confidence."

"I am falling in love with a female."

She sighed. "Lucky you. I have a crush on someone who will probably never notice me," Casey said, looking at her hands.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure she notices you."

Casey looked up at her. "Really? What makes you say that?"

"Because you're not very subtle, counselor. With your blushing, your stuttering, your tripping...

"Well, she makes it hard with all her natural beauty and finesse and everything about her."

"You possess all those things too, Casey. You just need to have more confidence in yourself. Have some more water."

Casey shook her head. "No. No more water. Alex, I need a bathroom and a bed. Which is probably the unsexiest thing I've said in front of you all night."

"As long as you pee in the bathroom and not in the bed like I did one year, that's pretty sexy. I'll show you up."

"Are they off the rooms?" she asked quietly.

"There's a small one upstairs between my room and yours."

Casey nodded, resting an arm over her shoulder as they trudged upstairs. Casey barely made it in before she was sick. "Alex, you don't have to stand here. God, I feel like I've been hit by ten trucks! Go to bed!" she pushed her hair over her shoulders. "Really."

Alex hesitated before offering, "I'll go and set up your room for you."

Casey nodded. "Please say you won't leave me here alone all night?"

Alex was gone before she spoke, and the question was left hanging in the air. Inside Casey's room, Alex unpacked her bag, resting her bed clothes on the bed and getting a glass of water to put on the table before opening the windows.

Casey held the seat as sickness overtook her again. After the bout, she leaned to the side, sitting on the floor, holding her head.

Alex walked back in a few seconds later, laying a cool cloth to her forehead.

She looked up, sniffling. "Thank you."

"Bed?"

She nodded. "Feel so horrible. Will you come check on me?"

"I promise. Come on." Alex helped her up and into the bedroom."

Casey groaned, kicking off her shoes and, struggling to get out of her dress, she fell onto the bed.

Alex pulled the covers over her and. after a moment's hesitation, she dropped as kiss to her forehead. Walking quietly, she left the room and went back downstairs.

Casey smiled, turning on her side and relishing in the coolness of the sheets as she began to drift off.

* * *

Alex spent a long time downstairs trying to undo Liz's work, for the first time engaging in conversation, accepting drinks from people as she talked Casey down.

This wasn't right or fair of her to do, but over the past few weeks, she'd really taken a liking to the redhead and would hate to see her leave.

By the time she went to bed, she'd had several drinks. Walking into Casey's room, she saw her red hair splayed over the pillow, one arm outstretched. She looked so inviting that Alex took a step further into the room.

Casey twitched in her sleep. "Alex," she called. "Why didn't you stay? I would've let you. No one else."

Alex moved closer and then sat gently on the bed. "Casey?"

She opened her eyes and, with great effort, sat up. "Huh?"

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, I'm actually feeling much better," she said, finding her hand in the darkness. "Is something wrong?"

"...It's cold."

"What is?"

"In here."

Casey smiled, throwing the blankets back. "Take off your shoes before getting in."

Alex slid of her shoes before sliding in, shivering a little before sighing at the warmth.

Casey turned over, snuggling into her. "Hey Alex, off the record?"

"Mmm?"

"I think I'm falling for you too," she said, kissing her cheek and wrapping her arms around her. "There. Now you'll get nice and warm really quickly."

"...You're right. I am. Very warm." Alex fanned her face.

"Too warm? I could give you a little space."

"No. Ah, I'm f-fine. God, I'm t-turning into you. Stuttering and blushing."

Casey smiled, hugging her tighter. "It's okay," she said sleepily, "I won't tell."

Alex gave a wide yawn, and before long, they were fast asleep, lips inches from each other.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think? I have no idea how long this will be, but I can promise that the other chapters are shorter.

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	2. Steam

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 2: Steam**

Alex groaned. Her head was pounding, and the light that was shining in her eyes was making it worse. Why the hell had she thought it was a good idea to drink? Here of all places? Wait, here? Oh God, please say she hadn't slept with one of the dickheads. She didn't dare open her eyes.

Casey was warmer than usual when she awoke. She knew where she was and silently prayed she hadn't ended up in bed with a nameless somebody, but then she smelled...was that perfume? Not just any perfume. A-Alex's! Oh God, please tell her she hadn't gotten drunk a-and... Well, there was only one way to find out. Slowly her eyes opened.

Alex was lying on her back, her eyes tightly shut, biting her lip as she willed herself to open her eyes.

Casey smiled. It really was her. "Alex?" she asked timidly.

Alex's eyes shot open, and a second later, her arms wrapped around Casey. "Oh thank God it's you."

Casey wrapped her arms around her gently. "My thoughts exactly. I don't remember too much, but I do remember being too sick to make a move."

Alex lay back. "I feel a bit like that now."

"But you...do remember?"

"Remember drinking like a fish? Eating some kind of meat that could have possibly been a human sacrifice, knowing Liz?"

"Okay, you were sober more than I was. Alex, all the stuff I remember saying, it wasn't from being drunk. I hope you know that."

Alex was silent for a long time then said softly. "We can't Casey."

She sighed. "I know, but I just want you to know that what I said...it was real. You're wonderful, but I do understand – exactly – why we can't. If we ever could...would you?"

"Yes."

She looked at her, tears gleaming in her eyes. "Really?"

Alex nodded, keeping her eyes shut so she wouldn't have to see the other woman's face.

Casey kept hold of her, head over her heart. "Alex, please. Just for this weekend, right now, look at me. Show me what you really feel."

Alex opened her eyes, and seeing Casey's eyes shining with tears, she leant forward to kiss her.

Casey leaned up, kissing her with everything she had but knowing it would never be enough to truly express how she felt. No, she would need a lifetime and over to do that. "Alex?" she asked after the kiss was broken. "Sleep in here tonight, please?"

Alex looked like she was going to say no, but seeing the begging in Casey's eyes, she gave a nod. Kissing Casey once more, she left the room, padding softly to her own.

Casey sat up, ignoring the soreness that still resided in her head and got dressed.

Changing into a pair of shorts and another plain t-shirt, Alex walked downstairs to make coffee.

Casey walked down minutes later, dressed in a semi-tight t-shirt and jeans, her hair pulled back. "Morning."

Liz was the first to reply, giving a rather grumbled good morning. A man Casey vaguely remembered from the night before offered to pour her a coffee as she saw Alex silently assessing her from the window seat.

Suddenly, she realized that's what she'd been doing for several months. Every morning when Casey had thought she'd been looking over her clothes critically, she'd been looking at her...in that way. Alex saw her looking and blushed a little, looking out the window.

She poured a cup of coffee walking over to stand beside her. "Beautiful day."

"Very sunny."

"Looks really warn already. You've been here before. Remember any plans?" Casey asked, trying to sound casual when all she could picture was Alex in a bikini.

"Sometimes swimming, sometimes a hike. Depends how everyone is feeling, really."

She nodded, sipping at her coffee before looking at her. "Makes sense."

Alex nodded, risking a glance at her, finding her eyes now looking out towards the lake, allowing her to take in her features. "...Casey. This weekend..."

"Yeah? What about it?"

"I think...no, I know...Liz has been trying to get rid of you. Make one of the other firms take you. She's been telling them all how amazing you are."

She raised a brow, choking a bit. "Wh-why? What have I done wrong? What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"After your suspension...she doesn't get a say anymore about whose employed, but she doesn't want you anymore, so she's asked one of them to make an offer to you...But I didn't even ask if you wanted to go and work with any of them. I just wanted you to stay. God, I'm selfish. I told them...pretty much all of them, about your suspension. No one wants you to work with them, Casey."

Casey set her coffee on the counter, pulling Alex outside. "How would you get a say if I was to go or not? I understand you wanting me to stay. We do get along pretty well."

"I don't. I wouldn't get any say, so I just did what she's been doing. Telling them about you, except telling them how terrible you are." Alex looked nervous.

Casey grabbed her shoulders. "It wouldn't be your fault. I don't want to work with anyone else...but if I had to, I'd still make it up to see you whenever I could. I promise, okay?"

Alex nodded, then hesitated before reaching out a hand to squeeze her arm, her hand lingering there a little long than normal. "I'm sorry. I've done as much as I can."

Casey forewent that and hugged her tightly. "I don't care, not about them," she whispered in her ear. "I owe you a lot for doing that. You really are wonderful, Alex Cabot."

Alex lowered her head and gave her a tender kiss to jaw, whispering, "It will be ok," before pulling away.

"How do you know? Sure my job might be, but..."

"Trust me." Alex tapped her nose and smiled before making her way back inside.

Casey sighed before following her.

Inside, Liz eyed them suspiciously, but seemed satisfied when Alex sat down with one of them and shared a joke with him.

Casey walked upstairs to use the bathroom, walking back down a few minutes later and taking a seat beside Alex. "Any aspirin?"

"There's some in my bag in my room. Do you want me to get it for you?" At Casey's nod, Alex walked to her room.

Casey rested her head in her hands.

Alex returned a few moments later and handed her the packet, as well as a bottle of water.

"Thanks," she said, swallowing them with a gulp of water.

Alex sat next to her. "Would you like me to make you some breakfast?"

"Would you? That would be great."

"What would you like? Anything. Baring in mind I don't cook often."

Casey thought a moment. "How fast can you make pancakes?"

"Quicker than you can have a shower, I bet. Go on." Alex almost kissed her. Their lips were an inch or less away from each other when she realized what she was about to do and she stood up. "I'm making pancakes, if anyone wants them. Novak's going for a shower."

Casey nodded, patting her hand before going upstairs.

As Casey got dressed, feeling slightly better after all the cold water had run over her face, there was a knock on the door.

"Occupied. Out in a minute."

Alex stood nervously, stepping from foot to foot as she waited for Casey to finish.

Casey opened the door a minute later, stepping aside, nightclothes in one arm.

A second later, Alex's lips were on hers, giving her a deep kiss.

Casey dropped the clothes, pulling her into the bathroom and kicking the door closed, deepening it as she wrapped her arms around her neck. "Alex," she moaned into her lips.

"You're addictive." Alex mumbled to her, capturing her lips once more as she pushed Casey against the door.

Casey ran her hands through her hair, down her back to just above her ass, running back up, making Alex pull her to her more. "So are you," she managed before their lips crashed on each other again. "God, why does this have to end?"

"...Maybe it doesn't." Alex breathed, nibbling Casey's bottom lip.

"Bu-but...ah! What about...every—I just," the rest was drown out by a moan she tried to hold back.

Alex heard her name being called and finally pulled away, breathing heavily.

"Talk later?"

Alex nodded, gazing at Casey for a moment before leaving the room.

Casey picked up her clothes and put them back in her room before going downstairs.

A few people were lounged around drinking coffee and eating breakfast. A steaming plate of pancakes lay on the table opposite Alex. Liz sat next to her and looked up when Casey walked in. "Better?'

She nodded. "Much. Think I drank too much last night."

Liz nodded. "You did seem to put a lot away."

Alex bit the insides of her mouth to stop herself speaking, and looked up to give Casey a look before returning to her food.

Casey smiled. "Well, nerves do that."

"What's there to be nervous about?" Liz pushed a jar of honey over to her. Alex watched Casey's lips as she took her first bite and unconsciously licked her lips.

Casey smiled for two seconds, then straightened her features. "I just don't know many of the people here, not like you do."

Liz gave a small nod. "Oh well, no doubt it will be better next year. Are you coming swimming later?"

She nodded. "Sounds like fun."

"See, Alex. I told you. You really should come. You don't need to rush off home."

"Home?" Casey repeated giving her an I-only-agreed-to-go-to-see-you-in-a-swimsuit look. "Why leave so early?"

"I thought...I didn't...maybe I could stay for a while longer."

Casey smiled. "Good."

Liz looked between them once more before picking up her plate and moving to the couch.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think? I have no idea how long this will be, but I can promise that the other chapters are shorter.

Review **thanks **to: LOCISVU, case-oli, tummer22, Trek, Nobot4life, Tirpperz, Stussy, Mackster, steple, Madds21, Lexie, Surfrider, Cavak, Wigler, iTrick, Tracer, Butterscotch & Blitz1030

17 for chapter one was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	3. Contain

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 3: Contain**

As the group started to get ready for swimming, the men sat around outside, whistling the women who walked out in seemingly skimpier bikinis before jumping into the water.

Casey stood nervously in her room, watching from the window before glancing at herself in the mirror. The bikini that had seemed perfect on her last holiday suddenly made her feel...frumpy.

Suddenly, the loudest whistle yet met her ears and she glanced out of the window to see Alex dressed in a vintage style bathing suit, her blonde locks hanging around her shoulders, her long legs strutting confidently. She ignored the men, looking around for Casey before glancing up at her window.

Casey saw Alex gesturing her to join her and she knew Alex probably wouldn't care, but she still stood there shaking her head.

A couple of minutes later, Alex pulled open Casey's bedroom door and stood there with her head cocked, looking at Casey who had pulled a towel around herself.

Casey turned around. "What?"

"Are you coming down?"

"I want to, but..." she sighed."I guess I should've gone shopping before this little trip."

"Show me."

"I-I'd rather not. You look...perfect and I..."

"Please."

She sighed. "Can you please come in and close the door?"

Alex walked further in and shut the door.

Slowly, she dropped the towel. She wasn't out of shape by any means, but it didn't fit her like it had last year at this time. "See?"

Alex gave a slow nod, her eyes traveling over Casey's body. "You c-can't go outside."

She grabbed the towel, covering back up. "Do I really look that horrible? Out of everyone here, I would've thought you'd be more encouraging!" she said, sitting on the bed.

"I mean, we need to stay in here, doing this." Alex kissed her.

Casey wrapped her arms around her, lying back on the bed, moaning when the towel slipped and their skin collided. She was so soft - so wonderfully soft! Her lips, her skin, her hair.

"You look beautiful." Alex pushed the towel from the bed.

"Bu-but I-I'm not like you..."

"You look amazing." Alex's kisses travelled slowly down Casey's body.

She couldn't stop the moans of Alex's name that seemed to flow from her lips with each kiss. Her hands ran through Alex's soft hair again and again.

As Alex dropped a kiss to her thigh, there was a knock on the door. "Are you coming out, Novak?"

Casey threw her to the floor. "Yeah, just a second. I'll be down in a minute."

"Well hurry, we're getting the drinks ready!" Liz made her way back down the stairs as Alex groaned, then grinned as she realized Casey had thrown her into her dirty washing and her face was lying in Casey's discarded bras.

Casey walked over and pulled her up. "Sorry about that. We, uh, better go."

"Don't forget, you look amazing." Alex hit her bum before walking out ahead of her.

Casey waited five minutes then followed.

Alex was leaning back, sitting down with her feet in the water, a drink with ice in it next to her, and a large floppy hat on. No one seemed to notice Casey's approach as they all splashed around in the water.

Casey sat beside her, drink in hand. "Hi," she said nervously.

"I can't look at you," Alex said quietly, "or I might have to ravish you on the spot."

Casey sighed. "Yeah, there is that pesky problem, isn't there? I know you value your career and this is huge. I'm willing to take a step. If you're not, then, I guess friends will do, but..."

"Perhaps now, when you're sitting next to me, wearing very little, is not the time to discuss this? Because right now, I'd do anything for you, no matter what the cost."

Casey nodded. "Yes, right, well then. Why ask me down here?"

"Liz did. I just came to see w-" She glanced towards Casey, then swore quietly. "I want to kiss you right now."

"Well, with how this weekend is planned out, would it really matter? You know the ins and outs. You explained them to me. As far as I'm aware, there's nothing against it. Am I wrong?"

Alex sighed and looked down. "It's...complicated. Everyone does everything in their rooms and everyone else pretends they don't know it's happening."

Casey nodded. "Are you afraid?"

"...I love my job. It's been my life for a long time."

"I understand that, but this – Alex what we feel – I know it's more than purely physical. If you choose your job over me – as much as I hate to say this – I'll learn to live with it. I won't like it, but I'll do it. I know it's not fair to make you choose and I'm sorry..." She got up and walked away.

Alex drew her legs against her chest and sat in silence.

Casey walked back inside, ignoring the calls from many a man as she did. She walked upstairs, discarded her suit and dressed in shorts and a white t-shirt before falling onto her bed to sleep for a bit.

Alex sat outside for a long time before slipping into the water to cool off.

Casey tossed and turned, wondering if anything was going to work out. She hoped it would though she knew Alex was right. Being labeled in that way would cost them their jobs. It wasn't right, but neither was trying to sneak around.

As everyone else began to come inside again as the weather got too warm, Alex slid from the water and sat on the deck.

Casey looked out the window, seeing most everyone else had gone inside. She walked outside, sitting beside her on the deck. "I'm sorry."

"Kiss me."

"Are you sure?"

"Kiss me."

"Look at me."

Alex turned to look at her.

Casey took her face in her hands kissing her gently at first, then it intensified and Alex wrapped her arms around her.

"If I had to, I'd pick you," Alex said.

"What?"

"You...or my job. It's been so long...I've always picked my job over everything. I can't do that anymore."

Casey laid her head on her shoulder. "But you're...so successful. Passionate. Why?"

"...Because I want to be Alex. I don't want to be Cabot, or Alex Cabot, or Counselor, or ADA all the time. I want to be _Alex_."

"Like _my_ Alex?" she whispered. "Mine?"

"...That would be nice. Eventually. Right now, I'll settle for just Alex."

"What will that mean?"

"I'm...a person. A friend. Not a colleague to you."

"A fighter, a lover."

Alex smiled at her and rested her damp head on her shoulder.

Casey smiled. "If I do take a leave...what will you do?"

"...Cry?"

"Awww! Really?"

"Mm-hmm. And sit in your chair and blubber. Then I would call you, and cry over the phone to you." At every word, Alex dropped a kiss to her cheek.

"I love you," she said, softly.

Alex stopped, stiffening a little. "What?"

"I...uh...I," she stammered.

"Casey..." Alex sat up."

"Alex, I-I got caught up in the moment. I'm sorry I said it now, but I won't say I didn't mean it. Can you accept that?"

Alex hesitated, then nodded. "I...I think...Casey, I..."

"You…what?"

"...feel the same."

She raised a brow, kissing her deeply. "Since when?"

"Since you first dropped coffee down your top and said your nipples were singed when you thought no one was in the room."

She blushed deep red. "Shh!"

"Were they?" Alex pulled out Casey's top to look with a grin on her face.

Casey pushed her away, but grinned when she did it again. "Earlier, when you kissed me they may have made an appearance."

"Kissed you? Oh, you mean this?" She did it once more.

Casey pressed her body into hers, moaning.

Alex shivered, partly from desire, partly from cold. "I think we should go inside."

Casey stood up. "Lead the way."

Alex stood up, wringing water from her hair, then mumbling an apology, smiling as the water turned Casey's white t-shirt see-through.

"Thanks a lot, Alex! Now men will stare at me even more!" she pouted.

"But so will I."

Casey sighed, wringing out her shirt. "Are you used to it or something?"

"Used to what?" Alex pulled a towel tightly around herself to try and warm up as they walked towards the house.

"Being of men's eyes?" Casey asked. "You seem a bit more comfortable here than I am."

Alex shrugged. "I'm just comfortable with myself. If they want to look, they can, because looking is all they're ever going to be able to do."

Casey smiled. "That's one of us. What does everyone do for dinner?"

"I don't know. I've normally left by now. Probably a liquid dinner like yesterday."

"Oh, are you going to leave tonight?"

"..I think I might stay this time. There's a little something that's caught my interest."

"Any chance I know what it is?"

"Look in a mirror." Alex gave her a smile before slipping inside.

Casey walked in after her instantly becoming uncomfortable as all the men's eyes seemed drawn to her chest. Keeping her head up, she went up to her room and changed her shirt.

When Alex had finished changing, she walked across and knocked on Casey's door, resting her head on the doorframe.

Casey turned around, sitting on the bed and gesturing her inside. "Hey."

Alex walked in, closing the door behind her. "I brought you this." She held out her poloneck.

Casey raised a brow. "Thank you," she said, taking it from her. "Not that I'm not grateful, but why?"

"It stopped them all looking at me last time I wore it. And it's nice and cozy."

Casey stood up, hugging her tightly. "You are a lifesaver!"

Alex breathed in her perfume, her breath coming out a little shaky.

Casey smiled. "You just can't get enough of me, can you?" she whispered in her ear as she pulled away and pulled the poloneck on. "Mmmm, it smells like you too," she said, hugging herself and taking in her scent.

"We should go downstairs." Alex spoke, but didn't move, her mind imagining her hands sliding under the top.

Casey looked into her eyes. "Yes, we should, but is something else on your mind, Alex?" she asked. "You certainly seem...preoccupied."

Alex didn't reply, but her eyes lowered, thinking about Casey in her bikini.

Casey turned around fully, smiling as she heard Alex's breath hitch in her throat. She took her hand and placed it on her chest, gasping when she felt her nipples come to peaks without her knowledge. Carefully, she guided Alex to sit on the bed beside. She grinned widely. "What?" she whispered. "What do you want to do?"

"We can't."

She sighed. "I know, but..." she leaned in, waiting for Alex to make a move.

Alex sat still, looking at her lips. As Casey was about to move away, Alex fell into her, her lips crushing Casey's.

Casey wrapped her arms around her, kissing her deeply, moaning Alex's name into her lips, feeling Alex's body try to lock into hers. So good, so warm. Casey's hands rubbed her back, feeling the kiss intensify to an almost searing heat.

Alex's hands moved up into Casey's top, touching her back and making her shiver. She pulled her as close as they could get to one another, suddenly both giggling as they fell to the floor.

Casey moved Alex's hands to her hands to her front, groaning as Alex cupped and squeezed her breasts. "M-more..."

Alex struggled to sit up, straddling Casey, her hands sliding down to rest on her stomach. "Someone's going to come looking, Casey..."

"Part of me asks why can't we just say screw them, but at the same time." Casey smiled, blushing deeply. "I like it when you're on top of me...a lot."

Alex smiled, rolling her hips a little. "Really?"

Casey smiled, rolling her hips into hers. "Mhm. Feels...so good. But if we can't ever be together, this is going to be terribly difficult."

"What about once a week, I come and sit on top of you?" Alex smiled, her hands caressing Casey's taut stomach.

Casey shook her head. "Nude?"

"Depends how warm the room is. This room...well, this room is very warm."

"We could...after work. I want you with me, however I can have you."

Alex smiled down at her, caressing her for a little longer before suddenly leaving her cold as she stood up.

Casey stood up, wrapping her arms around her, kissing her cheek. "I love you."

Alex smiled, but didn't return the words, squeezing Casey's hand before leaving the room.

Casey walked down after her. "What is there to eat here?"

Alex turned her head and gave her a wide smile. "Me?"

Casey blushed, glad everyone else seemed to be elsewhere. "If only that were an option..."

"If only what was an option?" Liz asked, appearing next to Alex.

"Uh...nothing. I just asked if there was anything to eat."

"Everyone fends for themselves usually. Would you like to come out do dinner with me? I know a nice restaurant down the road."

"Can...Alex come with us?"

"Aren't you going home, Alex? You normally leave before dinner."

Casey looked at Alex. "What do you think?"

Alex bit her lip. She really didn't want to go to dinner with Liz. But should she leave Casey to have dinner with her alone? "I...well, I do have things do to at home..."

Casey shrugged. "Oh...okay, well..." she sighed.

"I guess I could go home after dinner."

"Okay," Casey answered. "Liz, do I have to stay all weekend? There are a couple cases I need to finish up."

Liz seemed to look at her for a long time before shaking her head. "Why don't you two go home now? I'm sure I can find much more interesting dinner conversation, and neither of you seem to be enjoying yourselves."

"Are you sure?" Casey asked.

Liz nodded. "I'll see you at work"

Casey walked upstairs into her room and packing up her clothes.

A few seconds later, she was thrown on the bed, as Alex leapt on her from behind. "My place or yours?"

Casey laughed. "Yours," she squeaked out. "Are you sure it's a good idea?" she asked laughing.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because what about why she invited me here? But I guess if you can't do any more... Are you sure you're comfortable with me being with you?"

"Like I said to you before...I don't want to put my job first anymore, I want to be Alex. With you, I can be Alex. And I think...I think I've done enough to keep you near me."

"Keep me...near you? At the office?"

She nodded. "Yes, but I'd like you near me outside of work as much as possible too," Alex replied, kissing the spot between her neck and shoulder.

"I think we're more suitable outside of work anyway, but after all this at work we'll have to be on our best behavior," Casey said, somehow turning on her side underneath Alex's grip.

Alex smiled down at her. "Oh I can do best behavior, Miss Novak, just don't wear that grey pencil skirt you have..the one with the frills. The one you seem to take pleasure in wearing on a Friday evening when I'm working late. I have noticed."

"Why is your addiction to me that bad?" Casey asked.

Alex bit her lip, sitting up a little but making sure Casey was still trapped beneath her. "Who said it was an addiction?"

"You did...in our make-out session in the bathroom, remember?"

"I'm not sure, you might just have to jog my memory." As Alex leaned down to kiss her once more, there was a sharp knock on the door before it flew open. "Casey, I hear...oh." Nick stood staring.

Casey turned her head. "What are you doing in here?" she snapped, holding tightly to Alex.

"I ah..I heard you're going home early. I wasn't sure...h-h-how you got here. Wanted to know if you wanted a l-lift."

Alex struggled against Casey's grip a moment before standing. "I should...ah...go. I really have work to do at home. I'll see you at work on Monday...Novak."

Casey stood up. "Nick, what are you really doing here?"

He stopped her going after Alex, offering what seemed a genuine smile. "I thought I should warn you. I saw you two coming up here together, and I thought after what she told you before...I should tell you what these weekends are really about. Casey, you're just a notch on her bedpost. All the I love you's, anything like that, she uses them to get people to do what she wants when they get back to work. Probably learnt it off Liz. She'll want you to do her paperwork for her or something so she can run off to see someone she's really interested in. I bet she used a line _like "I can really be myself around you, I'm sick of being Alex Cabot. I just want to be Alex!" _She tried that on me last year."

Casey walked over to him, giving him a stern look. "Maybe you should let me learn that for myself. She also told me that you're not a fan of hers from, oh I believe, it was something about swimming with your wife. Naked, might I add."

A dark expression crossed his face before he smiled again. "Yeah, I learnt the hard way Casey, because I didn't do what she wanted me to do. Don't say I didn't warn you."

In her room, Alex leant against the door and took a deep breath before picking up her packed back and jacket before making her way out to her car.

Casey sighed. "Look, get out so I can pack up."

He held up his hands, defeated, and left the room.

Casey packed up the rest of her clothes and zipped the bag, sitting on the bed. Nothing about what he had said clicked with her, but it made her wonder. Everything could be true. She hated thinking that anything that had happened within the last 24 hours between her and Alex was her just being used. She knew this conversation would be in the back of her mind.

Alex climbed into her car and started the engine, driving off before she could think, but she only made it just out of the sight of the cabin before she stopped, something pulling her back. Killing the engine, she sighed, resting her head back, wondering what she'd let happen.

Casey grabbed her bag, standing and walking downstairs, bidding everyone goodbye. She got in her car, started it and started to drive off when she noticed a car to the side of the road. She stopped behind it and got out, walking over to the window surprised by who she saw. Gently, she knocked on the window.

Alex didn't open her eyes, knowing who it was. She was hoping, praying, she was asleep, and the whole weekend, however nice...amazing, it had been, had been a dream.

Casey sighed, knocking again. She figured Alex was probably hoping she would go away, but...she couldn't do that, or discuss what Nick had just told her. There was no use bringing it up unless she had evidence, especially since he hadn't been too happy when she'd mentioned what Alex had shared with her.

Eventually, slowly, when the knocking didn't stop, Alex's eyes opened, and she cocked her head, looking up at Casey with mixed emotions before opening the door.

Casey stood to the side trying to ignore everything she'd just been told. "Alex, are you okay?"

Alex nodded, forcing herself to speak. "Car...just overheated. Should have parked in the shade."

Casey just nodded, having a strong suspicion she was lying. "Alex...do you still want me to go with you?"

"Where?" Alex looked up at her with confusion, squinting against the sun.

"Oh, I thought you wanted me to follow you, but if not I-" she swallowed, "I can just go home."

Alex looked up at her silently for a few seconds, her thoughts conflicting. She wanted nothing more than to say yes, come home with me. She imagined showing Casey into her apartment, and it suddenly seemed like a brighter, happier place to be, but... "Casey..."

She shook her head. "Never mind then. Have...a good weekend," she replied starting to walk away before Alex took her wrist. She looked back. "Yeah?"

Alex locked their fingers together, looking at their hands, before dropping a gentle kiss to Casey's. "I do have a lot of paperwork to do, but if you want to come...

"I-if you're that busy are you sure I should?"

Alex's hand slid from Casey's. "Yeah. I'll umm...see you Monday, then."

Casey nodded, wanting to smooth this over, but knowing they both needed time to think. She grabbed the door before Alex pulled it shut, leaning over and kissing her cheek before squeezing her shoulder. "See you Monday," she closed her door and walked away.**  
**

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**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: Trek, Stussy, Wigler, Lexie, iTrick, Madds21, Tripperz, Mackster, Surfrider, Nobot4life, Butterscotch, case-oli, Blitz1030, steple, Tracer, Cavak, Eljh55, & LOCISVU

36 for 2 chapter was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	4. Call of Emotion

**Warning:** Slight nudity and sexual content, just a drop.

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Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 4: Call of Emotion**

Alex sat in her apartment, at the desk that was the most used piece of furniture she had, but tonight she found no pleasure in sitting behind it, looking at the awards that adorned the walls of her home office. Tonight, a redhead did not seem to want to leave her thoughts.

She'd picked up the phone so many times to call her, but it wouldn't be fair, not until she'd decided what she wanted. But every second away from her felt painful. _Don't be stupid Alex, you've known about your feelings for what, a few weeks. You can't be feeling this way. You never feel this way!_

Without realizing, when she dialed for take-out, her hunger getting the better of her, her fingers dialed a different number.

Casey was on the couch. sprawled out in front of the TV, though not really paying attention. She didn't want to think Nick was right. Hell, by all accounts, he probably said that stuff about Alex to make himself sound more appealing. Suddenly, her phone vibrated next to her. Without looking she answered. "Novak."

Alex was silent, stunned.

"Hello?" she asked. "This is Casey Novak. Who is this?"

Alex opened and closed her mouth several times before finally spitting out the words she hadn't wanted to say. "I miss you.

Casey smiled at the thought, but... "Oh and why would that be?"

Alex shut her eyes, finally giving in to the image of Casey, sitting curled up with her on the couch, the smell of her shampoo, the taste of her kiss... "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? You didn't do anything wrong."

Alex stayed silent, listening to Casey's breathing, the quiet noise of her television, trying to imagine what she'd been doing when she'd called so she could ignore the stabbing pain in her heart that comment had caused.

Casey turned the volume on the TV lower. "Alex..."

"My whole life, I've worked for this one thing, wanted this one thing...to say...I want something else more...that's...scary. I'm terrified. I've never felt this way before."

Casey readjusted herself, listening intently. "What do you _think_ you need to apologize for? I'm listening," she said, softly.

"For leaving. When Nick...he talks...to everyone...a lot. About everything. I shouldn't have left you to explain, especially not to him."

She nodded. "Yes, you're right, but even though what he said hurt, I just said I should draw my own opinions and told him to leave. I-I didn't want my perception of you to be tainted."

"...What did he say?" Alex asked quietly, sounding a little nervous.

She sighed. "Alex, please don't make me repeat it. I hate that he said it, but I'll hate it even more if I say it."

"...Did you...or do you believe him?"

She stayed quiet for a bit, then choked as she answered, "I-I don't want to, bu-but this thing between us i-it just came up an-and I really don't know what to think! I-I'm so sorry! I know I should form my own opinions, but..."

Alex was quiet for a moment before asking, "How can I defend myself if I don't know what he said?"

She nodded. "H-he said you were using me...to make your job easier. That you'd said you wanted to be 'just Alex' over and over to any available person. That-that you didn't...love me."

Alex was quiet, and it took several seconds for Casey to realize she was laughing. Loudly. Holding the phone away from herself so she could laugh.

"What's so funny? What if I believe this, hmm? Will you laugh then?"

"Do you really think, if I wanted people to do my work, I'd give them some awkward speech that makes me sound like I'm about 15 and haven't yet mastered the English language? I'd just take my clothes off and take them to bed. I don't think anyone is stupid enough to fall for an 'I love you, please do all my work' story these days, are they? No, I save my super awkward lines for people who make me feel super awkward."

Casey laughed a bit as well. "No, that really doesn't sound like you, but honestly, who wouldn't want to find a bed with you after you've stripped? I've only seen you in a bikini and I, well I was uh, pretty...interested, I guess you could say."

"I don't care who wants to go to bed with me, Casey. I only got to bed with people I care about...and I can safely say I have never cared about Nick, or anyone else who was there this weekend, ok?"

She bit her lip. "Including me?" she spat out, painfully. "Gee thanks. Glad to know where I stand."

"No! Casey, that's not what I meant! I meant anyone EXCEPT you!"

"Are you...sure? Think about it."

"I can't STOP thinking about it! I wish I could, but you're all I can think about."

"You wish you could stop thinking about me, why? Am I really _that_ boring?"

Alex shut her eyes. "No, that's not...I meant...just...stay there, ok? Right there." A second later, she hung up the phone.

Casey hung up, placing the phone beside her, wiping her eyes.

Ten minutes later, there was a loud knock on the door.

Sighing, she answered it, knowing the urgency probably meant something important. "Yes?"

Before she could finish the word, Alex's lips were on hers crushing them as she tried to put all her feelings into one kiss.

Casey pulled her inside, kicking the door closed and pressing her against the wall, deepening the kiss. A kiss that was unruly, thirsty for more, yet safe and somewhat comforting while riding on uncertainty.

When they finally parted, breathless, Alex asked, "Does that answer your question?"

Casey wrapped her arms around her neck, leaning her head on her shoulder. "Mhm, but...I still don't know what to think of...all this. Is that okay?"

"Just as long as you know my doubts, my fears, they're not about you or how I feel about you, they're about how that affects everything else."

Casey nodded. "Come sit and tell me," she said, leading her over to the couch.

Alex hesitated, pulling Casey towards her. "I don't feel much like talking anymore."

Casey nodded, leaning into her, pulling her legs up. "Then...what do you want to do?"

Alex leant forward, capturing Casey's lips once more. They were still there, entwined, getting to know each other's bodies, an hour later, when there was another knock on the door.

Pouting, Casey pulled away, walking over. "Who is it?"

Alex lay back on the couch, a small smile on her face as her eyes drifted shut. "Elliot! I need a favor!"

Casey wrenched the door open. "What kind of favor?"

He held up a warrant, but walked past her into the apartment. "I need you to sign this. Can't get hold of Alex, she..she's..here?"

Alex waved. "Hi."

He looked between them, from Alex's half-buttoned shirt, to Casey's tangled hair, before clearing his throat. "I knew I should have sent Liv."

Casey looked over. "Alex," she mumbled under her breath.

Alex looked at her, confused.

"Look down."

Alex did as she asked, blushing furiously upon noticing the problem before correcting it.

Casey sighed. "N-no, i-it's fine. Don't worry. What do you need it for?"

He explained in short, glancing every so often towards Alex who stayed where she was, a s smile still on her face as she stretched, shutting her eyes once more. Once he'd finished talking, he added. "I've never seen her so relaxed before. Keep it up."

Casey glared. "Just keep your mouth shut and I could be up to the task."

He grinned, passing her the warrant.

Casey walked over, leaning on the end table and signing it before handing it back to him. "Here you go."

He thanked her, glancing back at Alex before giving Casey a wink, then made his way from the apartment. "Keep it down girls."

Casey shook her head, before returning to her spot next to Alex. "I really should've paid attention before opening the door. Sorry about that."

Alex stretched again, looking a little like the cat who got the cream as she just smiled up at Casey.

Casey smiled, pulling her down on top of her as she fell onto her back. "I'm not one for moving at the speed of light, just so you know, but this...feels good, safe."

Alex captured her lips once more, then dropped a kiss to her nose. "I should go, it's getting late."

She wanted to ask why, but...then she remembered. "But...you did promise."

"What did I promise?" Alex smiled, wrapping some of Casey's hair around her fingers,

"You promised you would sleep next to me tonight, remember? Unless you don't want to."

"Somehow...I don't think much sleeping would be done, especially if you normally sleep in ninja turtle pajamas." Alex glanced down at Casey's pajama pants with a smile.

She turned it around. "Do I look cheap? Easy? Really?" she asked, standing up and walking over, opening the door.

Alex bit her lip and stood, walking towards her slowly, but just as Casey hesitated, Alex made a detour and walked towards the bedroom.

Casey closed the door, walking over to sit back on the couch. She didn't want this going sour - not after one day and she was messing everything up. She sighed, leaning her head back and closing her eyes.

A few minutes later, Alex walked out in the top matching Casey's pajama bottoms...and not much else.

Casey still wasn't paying attention, eyes closed.

Alex walked closer, lifting one of Casey's hands and placing it on her bare leg as she lifted it to straddle her.

Casey inhaled sharply, feeling the smooth bare skin under her fingertips and opened her eyes to see and feel Alex straddling her lap. Her hands moved up to her back. "You look so cute," she said, pulling her close, "the thong's a nice touch by the way," she said with a smile, forgetting her anger.

"I think we need to get to know each other better, and I think that might include me learning why you wear turtle clothes to bed." Alex examined the top, then added. "And I don't think you're easy, I just think I'd find it hard to keep my hands off you in flannelette."

She smiled. "I agree on that. I just...I used to watch it when I was a kid. They were...brave and daring. Did you know that, according to Art History, some people believe they were named after the actual artists?" She waited a moment before continuing. "No, I wasn't trying to assume you thought so little of me, but the way you phrased it and what that idiot put into my head came back and..." she sighed. "I trust you. I want to believe you and I do believe we can sleep without sex." She pulled her close, resting her head on Alex's shoulder. "I want to sleep, with my arms around you, head on your shoulder and your arms around me...protectively. Is that too much?"

"I don't know, you are incredibly attractive, you know." Despite her words, Alex's arms wrapped around her tightly, their bodies seeming to fit like they were made for one another.

Casey smiled, rubbing her back. "Lex," she murmured into her hair.

"How 'bout we move to the bed? I'm a bit old for spending all night on the couch." Alex dropped a kiss to Casey's neck.

Casey let Alex slide off of her lap as she stood up herself and took her hand. "So are you going to sleep in that all night?"

"Well, I normally sleep with nothing on, but.."

"Hmm, interesting, but I don't know if I trust myself enough for that right now. I was going to go topless, but..."

Alex gave a wide grin before walking ahead of Casey towards the bedroom.

Casey smiled watching the show as Alex strutted toward the light in her bedroom, the sway of her hips making Casey sigh dreamily and wish she were more outgoing, but she wouldn't do that to herself or Alex. She followed in slowly, watching Alex sit on the bed, crossing her legs as she closed the door and walked over.

Alex stretched back on the pillows, watching Casey with a smile.

"Do you trust me if I do sleep topless? Can I trust that all you'll do is hold me close?" she asked, sitting beside her as she turned the bedside lamp on, walking over and turning off the overhead one before resuming her spot.

Alex bit her lip, torn. She would love to hold Casey close, skin to skin, but..."You decide."

Casey thought a moment. "Okay, then can I trust that you won't do anything other than touch, caress...maybe a kiss or two, tonight...at least without telling me?"

Alex smiled at her, one hand sliding up to rest on Casey's middle. "Ok."

"Are you sure?"

"Not at all, but after all this, I really want to see what you're hiding under there." Alex cocked her head, giving Casey a reassuring smile.

Casey nodded, kissing her gently, before gently lifting up and shedding her shirt, smiling widely at Alex's expression. "So? What do you think?"

Alex was silent, but as Casey began to feel uncomfortable, she spoke quietly. "You said a kiss...or two? And a caress right? Do I get to pick where those kisses go?

Casey looked directly into her eyes, taking a shaky breath and nodding, her body trembling slightly.

Alex moved forward, taking one nipple into her mouth, her breath tickling it and making Casey gasp, before she rolled it with her tongue. A moment later, the warmth of her mouth was gone and a second kiss landed gently on the top of her breast. "Beautiful."

Casey moaned, her hands gripping the sheets. "Alex..."

Alex moved a little closer, wrapping her arms around her and drawing her close.

Casey leaned her head on her shoulder, arms folded protectively over her chest. "Warm," she whispered, "but why only one?"

"I'm saving the second one 'til morning." Alex smiled at her, unfolding Casey's arms and pulling her closer so her body pressed against her own.

She smiled. "Mmm, good reason," she answered. "What do you say we climb under the sheets?"

Alex kept Casey close as she wriggled the sheets from under them, pulling it over them.

Casey leaned over, switching off the light and turning back over and wrapping her arms around Alex and laid her head on her shoulder. Her hands found their way under Alex's shirt, feeling her smooth skin under her fingers, drawing circles. "You're so...muscular..."

Alex was willing herself not to do anything to scare the younger woman. She was trying to lie as still as possible, and not give into the moans that threatened. Instead, she released a sharp breath that tickled Casey's cheek.

Casey smiled. "It's okay, Lex..."

"Please go to sleep." She managed to squeak out, her stomach muscles dancing under Casey's fingers.

"Okay." She sighed, turning over.

Alex moved to press her body against her back, one arm moving around her to rest on her stomach, pulling them closer together. She breathed in Casey's shampoo, sighing her name before dropping a kiss to her shoulder blade. "I'm sorry. I'm not used to this."

"To what?"

"Lying in bed with someone and...really liking them. I want to do what you want, I want to explore you, I want to know everything about you, I want to just listen to your breathing and heartbeat, I want to just hold you, I want to...bang you until we both pass out. And I don't think I'm handling it very well."

Casey's hand rested on hers, entwining their fingers. "Can you...do anything of that without sexual contact?" she whispered.

"That's just...normally how I show my feelings. I'm not used to talking about them or anything I just...take my clothes off. Oh god. I sound terrible." Alex sighed, rolling away from Casey to lie on her back.

Casey rolled onto her side to face her. "So...he wasn't lying completely? Not that I think you think I'm an object, but with...others? That—you just have sex and..."

Alex spoke rather defensively, crossing her arms as Casey had done earlier. "I never said I slept with a lot of people! But thanks, nice to know you think I'm a slut."

Casey shook her head, pulling her arm away. "I never said that. I'm sorry! How did you expect me to respond?"

"I don't know! I've never met anyone like you, that's what I've been trying to say! Everyone else has been quite happy to show their feelings that way."

"It-it's not that I don't want to! I just...I feel a lot of things are possible between us," she said, sitting up. "I'd like an actual relationship with someone I can count on and trust." She sighed. "It's been a while since I've felt about anyone the way I feel about you."

"What happened to the last one? How many have there been? Not as many as I've had, I'm sure." Alex still spoke defensively, her eyes tightly shut.

She shook her head. "Never gave any affection other than wanting sex. It was...thrilling at first. All those late nights, but after a while, there was no love, no physical connection. I had to let her go. The number is less than ten, by the way. I want someone to trust me with their innermost secrets, fears, desires. I want to be able to do the same. I feel so strongly for you I-I just don't ever want to lose that."

"And you think I'm like that?" Alex's eyes opened, looking into hers.

"Like...what?"

"I just want sex from you?"

"No, Alex..." she was silent for a few minutes and Alex could hear her ragged breathing, knowing she'd really upset her by the question."D-don't y-you get i-it? I don't think you are, b-but the more questions you ask, the more jokes you make..." She wrapped her arms around her legs.

A couple of seconds later, Alex wrapped one of the bed sheets around her shoulders and dropped a tender kiss to the top of her ear. "I'm sorry. I'm just...scared. I'll go." She stood from the bed.

Casey looked up. "Really? So that's it? Y-you're really going to leave wh-when I need you the most?" she asked, looking at her through the darkness. "Wow, shows how much you care!" she cried.

Alex stood in the darkness, lost. Scared she'd do or say the wrong thing again she just sank to the edge of the bed and sat there silently.

Casey felt the shift slightly. "Alex, please come back! I'm sorry! I-I shouldn't have said it, please! Don't go," she whispered. "I don't think I can take it again."

Reaching out in the dark, Alex slid her hand into Casey's. "I'm still here."

Casey leaned into her side. "Don't let me go!" she said, her voice shaking. "I-I don't know what this is, but, right now, please don't let go!"

Alex pulled her and the sheet close, wrapping it around her tightly, then holding her as close as she could, laying them gently back into the pillows.

"I'm sorry," Casey whispered over and over, her voice shaking as much as her form.

Every time she apologized, Alex dropped a kiss to her head and whispered, "It's ok."

Casey turned onto her side, wrapping an arm over her shoulder. "But I never should've implied..."

"Shh. Let's just try to sleep now, okay? We can talk in the morning."

"You won't let go?" she asked.

Alex shook her head, dropping another kiss. "Not until you want me to."

She nodded, finding her lips and kissing her, though she knew she was still extremely upset.

Alex moved her head back a little so it was only a very gentle brush against each other's lips before resting her head on the pillow, pulling Casey close and closing her eyes.

"Love you," she whispered, snuggling into Alex.

Alex dropped a kiss to her head, but made no reply.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: eljh55, steple, Wigler, Tripperz, case-oli, Lexie, Stussy, Blitz1030, iTrick, Nobot4life, Mackster, Surfrider, LOCISVU, Cavak, Butterscotch , Madds21 & Tracer

53 for 3 chapter was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	5. Parts of Them

**Warning:** Slight nudity and sexual content, just a drop.

* * *

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 5: Parts of Them**

Light filtered through the blinds, but it didn't reach her face. She felt something rising and falling steadily beneath her. Slowly, she opened her eyes, realizing her head was nestled in between Alex's shoulder and neck with Alex's head on top of hers. So last night was real! Alex really had stayed. The topics of conversation came back to her in a whirlwind and though she didn't lose complete control again, she did tremble a bit.

Alex let out a gentle sigh, shifting a little before settling back down again, her arms squeezing Casey, but she didn't wake.

Casey sighed, settling back into her arms and trying to sleep a bit more, hopefully without disturbance.

A few minutes later, her alarm blared.

Casey groaned, reaching across Alex, trying to hit DISMISS. "Where's the damn button!" she grumbled, not happy about having to leave the position she was currently in.

Alex gave a quiet groan then a louder one as Casey elbowed her as she tried to hit the button again. A moment later, she reached across and stopped the alarm before resting back against the pillows.

Casey sighed, snuggling back into her. "Thank you."

Alex sighed in reply then suddenly realized where she was, and that today, waking up with Casey in her arms, was not a dream. She dared open an eye.

Casey was lying on her chest, smiling at her."Morning."

Alex reached up a hand, brushing her hair out of Casey's face, running her fingers over her cheek bones, then her lips. "Hi."

Casey leaned in, kissing her lightly. "How are you feeling...about this?"

"Good? Very Good? Excellent? Amazing?"

She smiled. "Pick one!"

Alex bent forward to kiss her. "Very Amazellent. Will that do?"

Casey smiled, replying "yes" into her lips. "Can I unwrap myself now?"

"Please."

Casey sat up, slowly unwinding the sheet and looking at her.

Alex avoided look at her, sitting up and swinging her legs from the side of the bed. "Shall I make some breakfast?"

She sighed. "Yeah, sure. I just thought you'd...never mind. Go."

Alex stood, hesitated in the doorway, then turned back to look at Casey. "...Casey?"

"Hmm?"

"...Don't suppose I could get my second kiss yet?"

She smiled. "I was waiting for you to ask. I wish you would have more than one..."

Alex approached, kneeling down in front of her on the bed. Moving forward, she slowly approached until she had Casey's other nipple in her mouth.

Casey's hands went into Alex's hair. "A-Alex..." she moaned.

After several seconds, Alex moved back. "Mmm. So, what would you like for breakfast?"

She smirked. "Well, I wish I could say, I'd like more of what you just gave me, but that could be dangerous..."

"You said only 2 kisses, and I'm going to try doing this your way, so that's all your getting. What would you like for breakfast, Novak?"

"Mhm, well, are you going to cook in what you're wearing? Probably be safer to put pants on."

Alex wiggled her bum with a smile before reaching out and pulling on the trousers Casey had discarded.

Casey smiled. "I'll take pancakes and eggs and bacon..."

"Toast will be ok, right?" Alex gave a smile before disappearing out the door.

Casey walked over, pulling on a t-shirt before following her. "Yes."

* * *

A short time later, using everything she could find in the ADA's kitchen, Alex had made a large breakfast, but neither of them were eating as they sat together once more on the couch, kissing.

Casey smiled, moaning into her lips as she pulled Alex as close as she could.

"We should...it's getting cold..." Alex lowered her head to kiss Casey's jaw, then her neck.

Casey nodded, her breath hitching at every little kiss. "Y-yeah, but..."

"You're tastier than those fresh...berries." Alex nipped her bottom lip before kissing her again.

"Mhmmm," she replied, kissing back. "Sounds good though."

"Maybe...we could leave it for...tomorrow's breakfast...and just stay here...today?" Alex kissed her harder then drew back a little, remembering what she'd promised herself before she went to sleep.

Casey nodded. "Still needs to be refrigerated though."

Alex rubbed Casey's leg, playing with her hand for a moment before standing up.

Casey laid on the couch, resting a bit as Alex put things away. She was pretty sure she'd have to explain on Monday why her lips were bruised - if they weren't smart enough to figure it out - because they were a bit sore right now.

A few minutes later, Alex returned with a large plate holding a bit of everything she'd made. Purposefully, she put it between them.

She raised a brow. "You think we can eat all that?"

"Well, I'm starving." Alex sat on the edge of the couch, as far away as she could get.

"You look like you're gonna fall off the couch. Why don't you come sit next to me?"

Alex shook her head, biting into a strawberry.

Casey licked her lips, watching the juice dribble down her chin. She closed her eyes and tried to get the image out of her head.

Alex wiped it away, taking a deep, shaking breath.

Casey tried to will herself to think of anything other than the fact that the breath Alex had just taken was connected to her in some way.

Alex watched Casey fighting with herself, her breath hitching every so often, making her chest swell. With a shaking hand, Alex reached out and placed a strawberry to Casey's lips.

Casey's lips puckered, her mouth opening as she took a bite, feeling the juice drip down.

A moment later, Alex's lips were kissing away the juice, the tongue licking at Casey's lips, wanting entrance.

Casey moaned, her mouth opening a bit, as she instinctively pulled Alex to her. The heat, intensity, the passion were all enough to make her want more. "Alex," she panted, "under," she said, pulling Alex's hands under her shirt.

Alex managed, just, to pull her hands away, kissing Casey hungrily.

Casey turned her head, pushing her away as she stood up and put the food in the fridge before walking back out.

Alex looked at her silently, wondering if she'd done something wrong again.

Casey sighed, sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

Alex rubbed her hands on her trousers, trying to stop them sweating. "...Casey?"

"What?"

"...I'm just trying to show you that's not why I'm here..."

Casey nodded, moving over to sit beside her. "I know, but... how long is this going to go on?"

Alex gave a small shrug, looking down. "I don't...maybe I should go...give us time to think."

"But...I know I want you with me. What's there to think about?"

"But it's not that simple, is it?"

Casey sighed. "When you look at the big picture, no," she said, taking her hand.

Alex lowered her eyes to look at their hands then looked up into Casey's eyes. "I think I better go."

"Alex...don't."

"I'll see you tomorrow." Alex offered what she hoped was an encouraging smile.

Casey nodded then added, "But what about you wanting to be 'just' Alex? Not anyone else? Or...don't you feel that way anymore?"

Alex squeezed her hand, offering another smile. "Tomorrow. I'll just go and get dressed."

Casey sighed, letting go.

Alex stood and walked back into the bedroom.

Casey laid back on the couch, closing her eyes. Something about this...of course Alex was holding back because she didn't want to scare her, but it felt like more.

Several minutes later, Alex walked out quietly and watched Casey for a few seconds before bending forward to kiss her.

Casey, knowing she was there, turned away. The last thing she needed was any more false hope, even though it killed her. But just as Alex went to walk away, she grabbed her wrist. "I know. We need to talk, but why not now?"

"Just...tomorrow. Ok?"

"Swear?"

Alex nodded.

Casey turned over, taking her hand and kissing it.

Alex brushed her cheek gently before leaving the room.

Casey sighed, wondering what it was that Alex now thought was so wrong. Or maybe she was afraid of going too fast? Whatever the case, she would find out tomorrow.

A few moments later, Casey's phone gave a beep.

Rolling over, she grabbed it and opened it to see a text message.

Alex's name flashed on the screen for a moment before the simple message appeared, "I love you too."

Smiling, she held it in her hands as she fell asleep on the couch. Maybe it really was fear after all...

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: case-oli, Nobot4life , Blitz1030, iTrick, Mackster, Stussy, Surfrider, steple, Lexie, Butterscotch, Tracer, Madds21, Tripperz, Wigler, Cavak & LOCISVU

69 for 4 chapters was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	6. Strange Occurrences

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 6: Strange Occurrences**

Alex sat at Casey's desk, waiting for her to get to work. Late as usual. The thought that used to annoy her now put a smile on her face. Blowing her hair from her eyes, she tried to focus on what she wanted to say when Casey came in, what she wanted to tell her. The _I missed you_ and the hug that she really wanted to do, to breath in her perfume, seemed...wrong somehow after how she'd left it.

And she was not the sort of person to say that or do that..why all of a sudden was she turning into this...Alex caught sight of the photo of Casey that adorned the wall and for a moment, her doubts fell silent. It all made sense.

Casey sighed, running a hand through her damp hair as she flew down the hall. She couldn't believe she'd overslept! Rushing in, she stopped dead in her tracks, jaw dropped. "What are you doing here?"

Alex looked caught out, color brightening her cheeks as she sat a little higher, the sight of the redhead with tangled hair and a badly buttoned shirt making her forget her chosen words. "I...It...I..."

Casey looked down, quickly buttoning her shirt right before closing the door and walking back over. "I guess I thought you meant after work, but now works too."

Alex nodded, putting together a string of words that had been part of what she wanted to say as she watched Casey run her hand through her hair to try and rid it of knots. "Defense...You...It was...You are...I want...I thought..."

Casey sat quietly across from Alex. "Take a breath and explain why you're here."

Alex's face was still blazing, and she looked so lost and uncomfortable that she almost didn't look like herself as she struggled to remember what she'd wanted to say.

Casey stood up, walked over behind her desk and leaned against it. "If you want my trust you're going to have to explain something."

Alex looked into her eyes for a few seconds before looking down at her hands. "What Nick said...it was sort of true. Not about him, I've never...but I have, with a lot of other people. Women. I've never known how to tell people my feelings...it makes me feel too vulnerable and I hate that. But my body...I know people like it, so I use it to show them how I feel. With you...I just...found you interesting. I wanted to get to know you, but the more I got to know you, the more I felt and the more that scared me. I just thought...I'll sleep with you, you'll be happy, and maybe the feelings will go, like they always have in the past."

Her features stiffened as she turned away. "So that's all you want from me? All I'm good for to you? So you don't want to just be yourself? I really am just another notch on your bedpost!" she said, hurtfully. "That's what you just said, right? You want me and then you want to forget about me."

Alex's hand reached out, attempting to grasp Casey's. "No! That's what I thought, but the more I talked to you, the more we...what I said...well, wrote, to you last night, Casey. I meant it. It scares the hell out of me, and I've never felt like this before, but I meant it."

Casey didn't move her hand. "What do you mean? If you've been like that in the past, what makes me any different than anyone else?"'

Alex struggled to remember the words she had planned to say before Casey had walked into the room, but she could remember none of the words she'd imagined would make Casey fall into her arms and forgive her. "They were...Casey, I...I've liked people in the past, I've been physically attracted to people in the past, but with you...it...if someone came in here now and said I had to pick my job or you...I would pick you. I have worked my whole life to get this job, this is all I've ever wanted, but you've shown me that it's not enough."

"How though? In that short amount of time?"

Alex's hand slid from hers, and her head lowered as she spoke in a frustrated voice. "I don't know! I'm so used to being in control of my feelings, of everything, and I don't know what to do anymore!"

Casey sighed, turning to look at her before stroking her cheek. "Can we...go the traditional route here? We could date a bit and see how you feel about me. Alex, I'm not the type of woman to just jump into bed with someone. That night...I needed you to stay. You knew how upset I was and wanted to make me feel better. That counts for something."

Alex nodded, not daring to raise her head incase Casey saw the tears that shimmered in her eyes. Turning her head a little, she dropped a kiss to Casey's hand.

Casey dropped down and brushed away the tears that she could hear were falling from Alex's cracking voice. "I-I still don't know what to think of this, but I do still want to be with you...if you'll still have me."

Alex nodded, then lifted her head, showing Casey the confusion, frustration, but also love that shone in her eyes. "Yes please."

Casey turned her chair and hugged her tight. "I'm not as used to this idea as you are, but I don't want you to be upset over me. I want to get to know you, the _real_ you. The Alex you want to be, not the one you have to be. Promise me you'll let me in...on everything."

Alex nodded, wiping her eyes, before letting out a shaking breath she wasn't aware she'd been holding. "Promise!"

Casey smiled. "Now...what do we do about the fact the Liz, more than likely, knows? Or...about me...?"

"I'll think about it. I need to get to work." Alex wiped her eyes again before giving Casey a wobbly smile.

Casey stroked her cheek and kissed it. "Don't cry, gorgeous. I'm already in love with your smile," she said, hugging her.

* * *

It had been a long day. Alex hadn't had a chance to rest, and as she had slept barely a wink the night before, as soon as she sat down in her office, her eyes began to drift shut.

She was standing in a court room, it seemed larger than the usual ones, somehow, and she felt a lot smaller. She could hear yelling, but it was muffled because all her senses were focused on the redhead, hands handcuffed behind her back. Alex tried to yell out, tell them they were making a mistake, she tried to move forward to help her, but nothing worked. She knew that all the redhead could see was her standing there looking indifferent.

Alex woke in a sweat.

Casey was standing in front of her, looking concerned. "Nightmare?"

Her first thought was to say no, but then she remembered their conversation and gave a nod, reaching with a shaking hand to take a sip of water from her mug.

Casey walked over to stand beside her, suddenly wiping her face with a soft cloth. "What happened?" she asked, resting a hand on hers.

She repeated it quietly, her fingers entwining with Casey's.

"Did...it look like I did anything wrong?"

Alex thought for a second, then shook her head, giving a rather embarrassed smile, "Aside from the half buttoned shirt and my lipstick on you."

"But they-they didn't say anything you understood?"

Alex shook her head.

"You said you looked cold. Was it possible, in the dream, you chose this over me?"

"I was trying to get to you, to help you. I wanted to be with you. But something was stopping me...It was just a stupid dream, Casey. What were you doing here?"

Casey bit her lip. "Liz wants to...see us..."

Alex's face paled a little, and she let go of Casey's hand to rub them on her skirt before standing. "Well...better get it over with."

"Alex..."

Alex turned to look at her.

Casey turned to look at her. "Whatever happens," she hugged her tightly, "I'll be there for you. You've been here longer and...I went and got myself suspended - not without good reason - but..."

Alex put a finger to her lips, then kissed then gently, before leading the way to Liz's office.

Casey sighed as they walked into her office. "You wanted to see us?"

Alex stood slightly in front of Casey, almost defensively. Alex moved to shut the door, then, without being asked, took a seat opposite Liz, sitting very straight.

Liz repositioned her glasses on her nose. "After you two left, I got some very interesting news. Care to guess what that was, Novak?"

As Casey went to speak, Alex replied. "If we'd come here to play guessing games, we would have brought a buzzer."

"Alexandra! Silence!" she shouted, causing Alex to flinch. "I am simply trying to get a story straight."

Alex sat back a little, glancing towards Casey.

"To be fair I did not explain the details to you because I thought if you knew you would never go. Nick said he saw you two go upstairs," she sighed, "not saying I outright believe him. Bastard's always up in anyone's game. Especially since he and his wife are on the verge of divorce."

Alex bit the inside of her mouth, willing herself not to speak. Casey felt herself begin to blush.

She kept her face straight and continued. "I could tell you were uncomfortable Friday night Casey, hence the drinks I kept handing you. If what he saw was the end result of a drunken stupor, then perhaps I should be held partly accountable as well, but still. I have no say over your personal lives whatsoever, but if this fling - if it can even be called that - continues under this roof, don't come crying. I have no problem, but there are others higher than me who do. I do not wish to see any PDAs of any kind, understood?"

Alex was itching to reply, to show her anger, but Casey's hand brushed her thigh, and she managed a nod.

Liz cleared her throat. "Also, I no longer have any say over you Casey, so if someone other than me were to 'catch' the two of you..."

Finally Alex spoke. "For god sake, we ARE adults, we are not teenagers, and we can control ourselves!"

Liz raised a brow, "Really Alex? Then tell me, how you wound up in Casey's bed that night? I'd heard she was ill, so I went to check."

"We weren't at work, what we were doing then was none of your business and she was sick."

She nodded. "True, on all three counts. But why hide it?"

"Why are we in here? I don't see what business this is of yours. You've made your point." Alex crossed her arms.

She sighed. "Casey, since you've been back your work has been...shaky, grounds for warrants are near nothing."

"I've double checked half of them with you and you said they were fine."

"Half. I understand that being back isn't easy, but you need to rely on your own judgments. I can't stop the board from deliberating," she sighed.

Alex sat in silence for a second before being unable to hold it in any longer. "I overheard, Liz. I know what the weekend was about, and I've told everyone about her suspension, so I wouldn't put your hopes in anyone else employing her. I've also spoken to several of the board, and they are all happy with her work, so I don't know what your problem is, but you have no power over her."

"I have no problem with her! Honestly, I want her to stay! You and Casey are two of my best. Her suspension is what has people worried..."

"Right. Well, remember that if Nick can come to tell you about what he saw between Casey and I, he can also tell other people about what you were doing. Can we go now?"

Liz nodded.

Alex stood, leaving the room.

"Am I free to go too?" Casey asked.

"...You do know her reputation, Casey?"

Casey nodded. "Yes, she explained a bit this morning, but she insists that I'm not one of them. I guess time will tell with that though."

A few moments later, Liz nodded. "You can go."

Casey walked out and into Alex's open office.

She was packing her briefcase, her back to Casey.

Casey walked over to stand behind her, clearing her throat. "Alex."

Alex straightened, then turned to look at her nervously.

Casey smiled. "You really checked with the board, just to keep me here?"

"This morning. I think I woke most of them up."

Casey gasped a bit, smiling. "Something still doesn't feel..."

Alex nodded, closing her briefcase.

"Dinner?" she asked nervously.

Alex gave a smile, reaching out to take Casey's hand to squeeze it. "I'm really tired..."

Casey raised a brow, then sighed and nodded. "Alright. I was going to offer a specific dessert, but I guess I can wait."

"Sorry." Alex suppressed a yawn.

Casey nodded. "Have a good night."

* * *

Casey sighed, rolling over in bed. She missed Alex's warmth. She sat up pushing the covers back, enjoying the coolness of the room. She was worried though. Something still didn't seem right about Liz accepting what had happened. She wanted to call Alex, but she didn't to seem desperate or overly protective.

As she was drifting off to sleep, her phone began to ring, showing Alex's name.

Sleepily, she put it to her ear. "Alex? What's going..." she yawned, "on?"

"It's Liz. Sorry, I must have accidently called from Alex's phone. Just making sure you're alright after today."

She sat up. "And...how do you have her phone?"

"Sorry, what? It's really loud here."

"Why do you have her phone!"

"Sorry, I'm going to have to go! I'll see you tomorrow!" Liz hung up the phone.

Casey hung up, trying Alex's home phone.

After a few rings, Alex answered sleepily, "Hello?"

"Hey it's Casey. Sorry to wake you."

She yawned, rubbing her eyes. "I can't think of anyone else I'd prefer to be woken by. Are you ok?"

She bit her lip. "Any reason why Liz just called me from your cell phone?"

Alex looked around sleepily. "Must have left it at work."

She nodded. "Okay. Well, I'm not sure what woke me up before that...except suspicions."

Barely awake, Alex was just enjoying listening to Casey's voice and just smiled, her eyes drifting shut. "Mmmhmm."

"Aleeeeeeeex!" she called, noticing Alex's breathing was evening out.

Alex woke with a start. "Mmm?"

"I'm sorry! Shh, go to sleep now, baby," she shushed. "It's okay."

"Wish you were...here."

"I-Is your door unlocked? I'll come to see you, right now, in my jamies, if you want."

"Mm-hmm. That would be perfect."

"Get up and unlock your door then crawl back into bed. I'll grab a fresh change of clothes and be over, okay baby?"

"Mm-hmm." Alex's eyes began to close again.

"ALEX, UNLOCK THE DOOR!"

Alex jumped, then stood to unlock the door, leaving the phone on the bed.

Casey packed a small bag of clothes and a few toiletries of choice. "Alex?"

Alex was once more breathing steadily into the phone, her front door unlocked.

"On my way," she said, throwing the bag over her shoulder, "see you soon, okay?"

Alex just gave a soft snore.

Casey pocketed her phone as she closed her locked door.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, she was inside Alex's apartment making her way back toward the light snoring. She smiled seeing the moonlight filtering over the bed onto the top half of Alex's body. She walked over in silence, setting her bag on the floor before sitting on the bed and unzipping her jacket, throwing it to the floor. Then her bottoms joined it.

She didn't think Alex would mind if she slipped in with nothing on. She hoped not. She pulled the covers back, grinning from ear to ear in realizing Alex wasn't wearing a stitch either as she slid in beside her, draping an arm around her stomach and pulling her closer before resting her head on her shoulder. "Alex," she breathed into her ear.

Alex moved a little, giving a happy sigh, turning her head and mumbling Casey's name, but she didn't wake.

Casey hugged her tighter. "Alex," she said grinning wide.

She gave a soft moan, her back arching a little, the dream she was having about Casey intensifying a little as Casey's kisses drifted lower than her belly button.

Casey's hand ran up and down the center of her body as she kissed her neck, repeatedly, hearing Alex giggle a bit. Casey moaned involuntarily as she felt Alex's muscles dance under her fingers. She felt so soft, smelled so nice...

Alex's moans suddenly grew louder, more intense, her breath hitching, sweat beads beginning to form on her forehead as she turned her body more into Casey, her bare thighs pressing together.

Casey smiled, kissing her neck. loving the fact that Alex thought she was having a very intense erotic dream when, in fact, it was real. She was a bit shy of how far to go.

On the one hand, she wanted this so badly, on the other Alex was asleep and the other Casey wanted to go slower. Wait, that was three. Oh never mind.

She smiled, tracing circles in Alex's bare stomach and kissing her shoulder.

As an intense feeling took over her body, Alex's eyes flickered open and fell on Casey's green ones looking back into hers.

Casey's hand moved back to rest over her stomach. "Enjoying your little dream, were you?" she whispered.

Alex bit her lip. "Oops."

Casey shook her head. "No, it's okay," she said with a smile. "Who do you think was rubbing on you and kissing you?"

",,,My dream you..who was wearing a little more than you seem to be. Hello."

Casey gasped, feeling Alex's hand running along her thigh after she turned toward her. She bit her lip, "God..." she moaned.

"Thanks for umm...helping me out. And ah..coming by."

She smiled. "But how much did I help you? Do you need anything else?"

Alex smiled, biting her lip again. "Well.." Alex's hand slid up the inside of Casey's thigh, but stopped just short of the top and dropped a kiss to her cheek. "We haven't had a date yet."

"No, but..." Casey leaned in, kissing her deeply. "You look so beautiful. I just couldn't resist, but I'd love to help you out...but its probably too much. I'm sorry."

Alex looked at her for a moment before smiling. "…Dinner tomorrow night, then?"

She nodded. "Cuddle with me?"

Alex pulled Casey close, her breath still a little ragged and her body damp with sweat.

"Mmmm, you smell divine, feel so warm, baby."

Alex nestled her head into the crook of Casey's neck, her fingers still tickling gently up and down Casey's thigh. "Goodnight."

Casey smiled, breathing deeply the smell of her shampoo. "Goodnight. Do you want me to call you that or should I switch back to Lex?"

"I like both." Alex dropped a kiss to her shoulder.

She sighed, snuggling into her more. "I never want you to leave me."

Alex, already drifting back to sleep, smiled and gave a happy sigh.

Casey hugged her tightly, kissing her cheek.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think? Sorry its soooooooooo long!

Review **thanks **to: case-oli, Wigler, steple, Lexie, Butterscotch, Stussy, Nobot4life, Surfrider, Cavak, LOCISVU, Blitz1030, Madds21, Eljh55, Tracer, Mackster & iTrick

_For those asking why Alex is holding back, you'll learn why...just not for a while._

85 for 5 chapters was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	7. Clean Secrets

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 7: Clean Secrets**

Alex stood outside the restaurant giggling. Well, in the alley beside the restaurant to be exact. She'd been kissing Casey for the last 10 minutes, and her lips felt bruised, her hands were freezing, and she was really happy. "We should go inside, you know. I'm kinda hungry."

Casey smiled. "Okay."

Alex slid a hand into hers and led her into the restaurant. "Table or booth?"

Casey thought a minute. "Table, please."

As the waiter led them to a free table, Alex turned and gave Casey a smile. "Footsie. Good choice."

Casey smiled. "Table just seems more romantic."

The waiter sat them towards the back of the restaurant at a table with candles and flowers so bit they could barely see each other through the foliage. "Can I get you a drink to start with, ladies?"

"Ah, what wine do you have?"

He glanced to Alex who quickly seemed to list of several things that seemed not even to be English to Casey. With a smile, he nodded and left them alone.

Casey looked around the foliage, through it, but sighed. "I know this is supposed to be romantic, but I can't even see you!"

Alex picked up the vase, looked around, then put it on the table next to them. "Better? I ordered a bottle for each course. Not that I'm trying to get you drunk. You don't need to drink it."

Casey smiled. "Can I drink a little?"

"As much or as little as you want. Have I mentioned how appealing you look in that dress?"

Casey blushed. "Thank you. Though I typically don't dress in colors that match my hair. You in a black, sleeveless, low-cut dress with matching heels is...a lot to take in."

"I thought I'd make an effort." Alex reached a hand across, brushing Casey's fingers with her own.

Casey smiled again. "Well, I'm glad you did. This place is beautiful. If I went too far last night, I apologize."

Alex smiled, her fingers finally locking into Casey's. "I think I can forgive you. It was pretty enjoyable."

"Sounded like it." Casey couldn't help getting lost in her deep cerulean pools. They were mesmerizing.

Alex blushed a little at her words, but kept her eye contact, a smile playing on her lips. "Casey..."

"Hmm?"

"Tonight...maybe...we.."

Her green eyes shined in the low light. "Let's see how this goes, okay?"

Alex nodded, lowering her head. A second later, the waiter returned with a bottle of wine and poured them each a glass. "Have you decided on your order?"

Casey looked to Alex. "You first."

"Ah, I'll have the..Salmon please. No lips. CHIPS! Just salad."

Casey chuckled lightly. "I'll have the same, except I'll take the chips without the salad."

As the waiter nodded and disappeared, Alex covered her burning face and slid a little lower in her seat.

Casey smiled, holding her hand. "Very subtle."

Alex groaned. "It's your fault. You're addictive."

"Me?" she asked. "What about you in your little black dress and fuck-me specs?" she whispered.

Alex bit her lip, her breath catching Casey's words. "Well, the dress I get, but uh..I can't actually see without my glasses, so they're just an added bonus."

"What was so entertaining? Oh, about your glasses? Well, they do make you look 100 times sexier than without," Casey said, biting her lip.

Alex pouted a little. "You don't like me without them?"

She shook her head. "I never said that. You just...look sexier. Though I'm sure if I slipped them off of you, you'd look even better to me," she said smiling.

"I'll let you in on my special secret..." Alex slipped them of slowly and placed them gently on Casey's nose. She could still see perfectly

She smiled. "They're...but why?"

"I know the effect they have on people."

"Why did you start wearing them?"

"I was the only female in my class at law school. I was blonde."

"And you...wanted to protest the stereotype?"

"I wanted an A."

"But wearing glasses doesn't automatically make you smart...but I could easily see you being the eye of anyone you wanted with these on," she slipped them off and handed them back to her.

"Including my professor." Alex slipped them back on.

"Um, do I want to know?"

Alex smiled. "Maybe one day. Probably not today."

"Yeah, you're...probably right. I don't need that running through my head." Casey sighed, closing her eyes for a second.

Alex hesitated a moment before reaching across to rub her hand. "He was about 80. He'd never had a female in his class before and he liked me to go with him to events. His wife had just died. That's all, Casey. I don't sleep with everyone."

Casey grabbed her hand before she could pull away, opening her eyes. She nodded. "I suppose if he'd never had a female in his class and was a recent widower... I'm glad you...helped him. I bet he was glad too. Did you look like her? How did that even come up?"

"He just stopped during the first class and looked at me. He was silent for a long time, and then afterwards he asked to speak to me. He apologized and showed me a photo of her. He cried a little. I offered...companionship. I wasn't popular. I had no friends. I was new to the area. We got on well."

"I bet he was very grateful. How long did that go on?"

"About...2 years."

"How long were you in school?"

"Do you always grill people on the first date?"

She shrugged. "Only the ones I really want to know...as long as they don't mind."

"Well, how about we save some for the second date?" Alex smiled, caressing Casey's hand.

She sighed. "Okay."

Alex studied her face for a moment before offering. "6 years. He died. Heart Attack. Anything else?"

Casey squeezed her hand, kissing it. "I'm sorry. You didn't have to keep talking about him, really," she answered, rubbing it. "If you want to, feel free, but... I am sorry."

"Sorry enough for a kiss?" Alex smiled.

Casey stood up and walked over, kissing her gently, thumb caressing her cheek.

Alex leaned up, capturing her lips again.

The waiter paused next to them with their dinner and cleared his throat.

Casey turned, blushing deeply before walking back to her chair and sitting.

"Here's the salmon with the salad, and here's the salmon with the lips." He placed them down in front of each women giving Casey a wink and a subtle thumbs up.

Casey grinned. "I think he liked your slip-up more than I did."

Alex smiled, taking a sip of her drink.

Casey ate slowly for some reason. The gnawing in her stomach told her to fill the void quickly, but she was more focused on the blonde sitting across from her. She took a sip of wine now and then, noticing that, each time she set the glass back on the table, Alex was smiling more and more. "What? Is something wrong?"

"No." Alex grinned at her, taking a bite of her fish.

Casey rolled her eyes, picking at her plate more. "Alex, be honest, not that I don't want what you do, but why are we rushing this? We don't have to. And...I'd like a little reassurance...if you know what I mean," she said, taking another sip.

Alex cocked her head, assessing the woman in front of her a moment, before answering, "I was actually just thinking how cute you are, and how it's amazing that you're actually sitting across from me, but thanks for bringing the seriousness back into the atmosphere."

"Sorry," she apologized. "Can you...put it out of your mind, what I just said? I'd love to hear what else you think about me."

"Casey...we don't have to rush. Anything. Maybe sometime we might want to...but we should just do what we feel is right at the time."

She smirked. "Good. I was hoping you'd say that. Last night's...kinda been replaying in my head..."

Alex gave a smirk. "Well, don't blame me for that one, I was asleep."

"You could've stopped me once you realized it wasn't just a dream."

"I think it was a little late by then."

She raised a brow. "Oh?" she cleared her throat. "Why was that?"

"I was..ah...already...in the middle of..." She thought for a moment, then said. "An orgasm."

The waiter dropped a water bottle next to their table.

Casey smiled apologetically and handed it to him. "You dropped this," she said with a blush beginning to color her cheeks.

He grabbed it, glancing at a coolly amused Alex, before walking away.

"Alex!" she chided, smiling and laughing a bit. Then she cooled down. "Really? See I would've thought you'd react a bit differently once you realized it was really me and not your dreams," Casey said, taking another sip.

"Why? It was you in my dreams as well."

"Oh, I just thought there would've been more of my name coming from my mouth, but..."

"I don't call you Casey in my dreams." Alex gave her a sly smile, taking a sip of her drink.

Casey rested her elbow on the table after pushing her half-eaten food out of the way. "Oh? Then may I ask what you do call me?"

"Are you sure you want to know? It wouldn't be rushing anything?"

She shrugged. "Like you said, sometimes we might want to, others... I just want to know I'm not like everyone else. I'm not accusing you of anything. I think, if the time is right..."

"I've never dreamt about anyone else. You...I've been dreaming about you for months. I was so worried I'd say your name when I was with...someone else...that I ah...instead of calling you Casey, I started saying.." Alex hesitated.

A blush crept onto Alex's face, and she mumbled quietly, "Lips."

Casey smiled. "Um, what was that? I-I couldn't quite hear..."

Alex bit her lip, looking into Casey's face for a moment to make sure she wasn't laughing at her, before leaning across the table to whisper. "Ruby lips."

Casey smiled wider. "I like it, but why that?"

Alex lifted a hand, running a finger gently across Casey's bottom lip. "These."

Casey grabbed it and kissed it. "Hmm, I have to wonder, do this lips kiss just your mouth or do they travel?" she asked in between kissing all over her hand. She dropped her voice to barely above a whisper. "Even to your lowers?" she asked, making sure to speak slowly so Alex could read them.

"They've kissed me just about everywhere."

Her brow rose. "Just about? Where haven't they kissed?"

Alex bit her lip then leant forward again to whisper in her ear. "I can't tell you, but I can show you."

Her breath hitched. "Here?" she asked.

"Out in the alley. After dessert."

Casey nodded, stroking her cheek. "Then will I get two desserts? I never thought you were...that kinky. What's next? You're going to tell me you have a 'drawer'?" she whispered next to her ear.

Alex smiled as she sat back. "You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?"

She smiled. "I can't wait. When's dessert?"

* * *

Half an hour later, Alex was paying for the meal as Casey slipped her jacket on, trying to hurry her up, but Alex was taking her time.

Casey buttoned her jacket, walking up behind her and tapping her on the shoulder. "Finished yet?" she whispered.

Alex held up a wrapped lolly from the container at the desk. "Sweet?"

She shrugged. "Sure." Then she whispered in her ear, "Who knows, might feel like licking another type of sweet tonight...other than you or maybe with you."

For the next ten minutes, Alex had a slow, lazy conversation with the woman behind the desk, her eyes flitting to Casey every so often.

Casey yawned, intentionally, trying to get her attention.

Alex bit her lip, her eyes watching Casey's, before she cleared her throat. "Anyway, better go. My umm...she's tired. See you next time."

Casey put her arm through Alex's, leading her back out into the alley, smiling, her eyes shining.

When they entered the alley, Alex leaned against the wall where she'd been earlier in the evening, hands in pockets.

Casey's hands were on either side of her, smiling. "So? Where is this spot the 'me' in your dreams hasn't kissed?"

"I can show you..if you dare." Alex's hands slid from her pockets to rest under Casey's top.

She nodded. "I want to know, right here, right now," she said, a devious smile on her lips. "Please baby?"

A moment later, one of Alex's hands was sliding, slowly, up Casey's thigh, pulling up her dress.

She pulled up her dress a bit, smiling at her. "Where is it? Maybe..." she took a few deep breaths, "maybe I-I should be the one leaning against the wall. You know for...leverage?"

Alex turned them around, and just as Casey's back hit the wall, Alex's hand hit her target, a smile lighting her face. "For someone who likes to talk about going slowly, you probably go out with underwear on."

She nodded. "Is...that a problem? You know they can be slipped back on."

"I don't mind." Alex's fingers began their caress, her lips dropping to kiss Casey's exposed neck. "You haven't kissed here...or here..."

She wrapped her arms around Alex's waist, struggling not to be overheard. Despite wanting to go slow – not to mention the thousands of infections she could get from just standing here – something about being in this dingy, poorly lit alley was a bit erotic. Although, it could've easily been the blonde's breath and kisses which were beginning to make her spin. "Alex..."

Alex kissed her gently on the lips. "And here..." Her hands moved a little lower.

She gasped, twitching. She could feel her heart beating faster with each kiss, every time Alex's hand moved.

As Casey's knees began to weaken, the warmth that Alex's hand brought disappeared. "I think that's everywhere, Ruby Lips."

She whined a bit, her body aching for more as she held her close. "That was...just something else. Please stay with me tonight!"

"I don't want to rush anything." Alex's voice was teasing, one hand holding Casey up, the other pulling her dress down.

Casey shook her head. "But I _want_ you with me!" she pleaded, emphasizing want.

Alex smiled for a moment before backing away. "I suppose I could." She smiled once more before turning to leave the alley, holding a hand back for Casey to take.

Casey smiled, accepting the gesture. "You don't have to."

Alex smiled, lifting Casey's hand to kiss it.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: Blitz1030, Stussy, Lexie, iTrick, Butterscotch, steple, Surfrider, Tripperz, Nobot4life, Mackster, case-oli, Madds21, Tracer, Wigler, Eljh55, JeffHardyfan724, Cavak, tummer22 & LOCISVU

104 for 6 chapters was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	8. Sleeping Demons

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 8: Sleeping Demons**

Alex entered the apartment behind Casey, her lips pressed to the younger woman's neck, her arms wrapped around her from behind, her hands pressing their bodies together. "How come you are so amazing?"

"Oh, I don't know. Apparently, not everyone sees me that way. Will you get the door?" Casey asked, unwinding Alex from her waist.

"Can't." Alex kissed her, keeping a tight hold.

Casey turned her head, suddenly feeling more ill-at-ease and vulnerable, not responding to Alex's sudden affection and struggling to get away. "Alex, no! Please just close the door."

Alex stopped, lifting her hands in the air for a moment before backing off, then turned to shut the door. She stayed in front of it, crossing her arms in front of herself.

Casey turned. "I-I'm sorry. I don't know exactly what it is. I do know that I want you here with me. I just..."

Alex suddenly felt cold, rubbing her arms. "Maybe I should just..."

Casey walked up, taking her hands. "Please..." she sighed."I lied okay? I-I do know what this is, but... do you want to know?"

Alex nodded.

"I-I wasn't raped...or anything like that. My last girlfriend was very much a sadist. I-I tried it, but didn't like it. When I would come home she would...do what you just did, wrap her arms around me and kiss my neck to try to get me into trying more of it. I still...have marks. The reason you couldn't see them when I was in a bikini is because they're pretty old and I cover them well."

Alex looked at her, then lowered her eyes. "I wasn't trying to...I'd never do that. I just wanted to show you how I feel..."

Casey wrapped her arms around her, resting her head on her shoulder. "I know that, but just for a second... I remembered that severe pain and I had to get away. I hope this doesn't change your mind. I really do like you, Alex. I'm just shy and I need the right person to help me recover. If you don't think you can...I'll understand, but, if that's the case, I still need you to keep this to yourself."

Alex's hand moved up to cup Casey's face, her thumb stroking her cheek. "We both have...demons, Case. I'm not going anywhere."

"You do? What are they? Tell me."

"Maybe another time. How about a hot chocolate before bed?"

Casey nodded, letting go and walking over to sit on the couch, shedding her jacket and pulling a throw blanket around herself.

Alex made the drinks, smiling to herself at the haphazard way Casey put things in drawers. A few minutes later, she put a steaming mug into Casey's hand.

Casey nodded, sipping at it. "I'm sorry. I-I know I asked you to stay for a different reason."

Alex reached out her hands, pulling Casey's feet towards her, and began massaging them gently. "It's ok."

She giggled, sighing. "Oh, that feels good!"

Alex smiled, glad she'd relaxed a little and bent down to kiss her calf before continuing to massage her feet as she drank.

Casey smiled, pulling up the dress to her thighs, pointing out a jagged, faded scar just above her ankle. "I don't know what she used, but they left interesting impressions. Sorry. I know I ruined the mood."

Alex bent forward once more, kissing the scar gently.

Casey stroked her cheek gently. "Good. I have a matching one. But I wouldn't mind a foot rub."

"Show me where the other ones are."

Casey crossed her other leg over that one, pointing in the same area. She pointed to the marks on her wrists, then bit her lip. "There are...more, but..."

Alex bent forward to kiss all the scars she'd pointed out, kissing them gently.

Casey continued to drink until the mug was empty, setting it on the floor beside them. "It wasn't always like that, you know. She wanted something different, something to make her feel, she said. After I broke up with her, I heard she started using Heroin and Meth, which really messed her up. I know I'm not directly responsible, but..."

Alex pulled her hands over, holding them tightly. "No buts. No one is responsible for what anyone else does."

Casey nodded. "I know, but...the day she couldn't take it anymore she left me a voicemail, saying she loved me and that if I really loved her, sh-she wouldn't be there, a knife to her wrist..." Her tears were falling. "Tell me that's not my fault."

"It's not. She sounds like a...dark individual and she needed something that you couldn't give her. That's not your fault." Alex reached out to wipe away Casey's tears.

Casey pulled Alex to her, holding her tight. "Then why does it feel like it?"

"Because...you're a good person. An amazing person. An honor to know."

Casey smiled, kissing her head. "Thank you. But now where does that leave us?"

"On your couch, together, the same as yesterday..."

"Except we're in gorgeous dresses this time," Casey said, smiling. "But I wouldn't mind moving to a bed. As long as you understand I can't make good on any pervious promises."

"How about tonight...I sleep out here?"

"How about tonight we sleep out here? I can grab a few pillows and warm blankets."

"Ok." Alex lent forward, hesitating a moment before kissing her gently. "I love you."

Casey's eyes widened. "Wh-what did you just say?"

Alex bit her lip, blushing a little. "I'm not saying it so you feel forced to do...anything..."

She nodded. "Say it again," she said, a whine in her voice, "please?"

"...I love you."

"You really mean it? You're not just saying it?"

"I love you, Casey Novak."

She smiled widely. "I could listen to you say that all night."

Alex repeated the words several times, a smile on her face as she nestled against Casey.

Casey stood up, walking back into the hallway and into her bedroom. Ten minutes later, she walked back out in her Ninja Turtle pajamas as well as a set of sweats for Alex. She walked out and handed them to her. "Change and I'll grab those pillows and blankets, okay?" she said, kissing her gently.

When Casey returned, Alex was standing in her underwear, distracted by the newspaper that was lying on the table.

Casey smiled, throwing a pillow at her feet. "Forget something?"

Alex gave a distracted nod, pulling her eyes from the photo on the front page, before reaching back to undo her bra, once more amazing Casey by how relaxed with her body she seemed to be.

Casey arranged the pillows on the couch as well as the blankets. She walked up behind her, wrapping her arms around her. "I love you too," she breathed against her neck. "Do you still want to 'bang me until we both pass out'?"

Alex smiled, turning to look at her as she pulled on the sweatshirt. "Yes."

"So...is that going to be a problem tonight?"

"Not if you keep your hands to yourself while I'm sleeping." Alex winked at her.

"You're not someone who has sex in their sleep, are you?"

"Not that I'm aware of. If I do, no one has ever complained." Seeing Casey's face, she smiled again, squeezing her hand. "I don't, Casey."

"Good, maybe you can just sleep with my head on your heart or your head on my heart...whichever you prefer..."

Alex slid into the bed Casey had made, stretching out, a yawn escaping her lips. "Maybe my head on you...not sure if I trust you to keep your lips to yourself."

Casey smiled, sliding in beside her. "You could've stopped me, if you really wanted to."

Alex pushed herself up on an elbow, looking down at her, her hand sliding to rest on her stomach. "Can I get a goodnight kiss?"

Casey nodded, kissing her passionately, wrapping her arms around her. "I love you, baby."

Alex rested her head on Casey, her breath steadying quickly as she fell asleep.

Casey hugged her tightly, listening to her steady, even breathing for a few moments before falling asleep herself.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: LOCISVU, steple, Tripperz, Blitz1030, Wigler, Lexie, iTrick, Stussy, Cavak, Nobot4life, Surfrider, Madds21, Butterscotch, Mackster & Tracer

119 for 7 chapters was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	9. Explain Your Heart

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 9: Explain Your Heart**

Casey woke to the sun in her eyes. Squinting, she buried her head into the corner of the couch. She wished last night had gone differently, but alas she'd had no control over the memories that had surfaced. She was extremely grateful Alex was willing to try to help her. And that she'd spent the night after all that. She kissed the top of her head. "You must really be crazy over me to stay after all I said last night." She sighed, hugging her tight.

Alex mumbled something in her sleep, sighing as she buried her head on Casey's shoulder.

Casey rubbed Alex's back, under the sweater, hearing her sigh, but ending in a moan. "Wake up, Lex. It's morning! Come on, baby. Let me see those pretty blue eyes."

Alex's eyes opened slowly, squinting up at Casey, before burying her head once more.

Casey's hands moved out from under her shirt and rubbed her pants' legs. "I love you."

"Still sleeping," Alex mumbled, dropping a kiss to Casey's neck.

"How much longer do you want to sleep baby? We could lay here all day, but I'd rather eat you – I-I mean eat with you. Sorry, my slip." she said in her ear, smiling.

Alex smiled against the skin of her shoulder before raising her head a little, her ruffled hair making her look a lot more vulnerable than usual. "We have work, so I wouldn't recommend the first one."

Casey sighed. "Yeah, now right now, but...maybe soon?"

Alex smiled, nibbling at Casey's bottom lip a moment before kissing her. "I wouldn't say no."

Casey laughed, sitting up with Alex in her arms, resting her head on her shoulder. "I'm glad. Well, I hate to kick you out - really, I'd love to stay cuddling with you all day - but you should probably get home to shower and get dressed, but you know if, sometime, you wanted to bring a few changes of clothes and leave them..."

Alex kissed Casey's lips to stop her talking before standing up, reaching for her clothes and changing in front of her.

Casey groaned. "God, wait, before you pull your dress up, spin for me."

Alex turned a slow circle, before putting her hands on her hips, facing Casey full on.

Casey smiled. "Suddenly, I want to do to you what you did to me."

"Maybe I've changed my mind." Alex cocked her head, stretching out a long leg to let Casey pull her dress off once more.

Casey smiled, pulling it off, and pulling her to her. "How much time do we have?" she murmured against her skin.

"I'd say...an hour, if you let me wear some of your clothes."

Casey nodded. "You got it, but you're explaining it."

"If I can feel my lips by then." Alex smiled, pressing her lips to Casey's.

Casey nodded, kissing her intensely, slowly her kisses moved south and she took Alex's already-risen nipple into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it and sucking. She moved to get the other, but Alex's phone rang on the coffee table.

Alex didn't seem to notice as her hand tangled in Casey's hair.

Casey pulled away. "Your phone."

Alex sought Casey's hand and moved towards her, kissing her once more being answering. "Cabot."

"Alex, can you come in now?" Liz asked. "I have a specific case that can't wait until 8 o'clock."

Alex closed her eyes, a sigh escaping her lips before she looked up into Casey's green eyes shining down at her. 'Ok."

"See you soon."

She hung up, her eyes still looking into Casey's.

"You have to go?"

She nodded. "Sorry..."

Casey took Alex's face in her hands, pulling her close and kissing her. "It's okay, baby."

The kisses soon turned passionate once more, and Alex's hands moved into Casey's top.

Casey broke the kiss, holding her close, holding her arms down. "You need to go. Much as I don't want you to."

Alex gave a hard swallow, then let out a shaking breath before nodding. "Come and see me when you get in, Novak."

She nodded. "I will. Now go before I tear off your clothes and make us both late for work."

Alex grinned before standing up.

Casey pouted, looking the other way.

* * *

Alex sat at her desk, groaning when she saw her coffee cup was empty before rubbing her neck._ I'm too old to sleep on a couch._ She signed off on the final page Liz had given her before stretching her arms above her head, allowing her eyes to close.

Casey walked into Alex's office, both hands holding a hot coffee. She saw Alex looking a bit disheveled and walked over, sitting in the chair opposite of her and setting a coffee on her desk. She took a pen, wrote on it, then walked back to her own office.

Alex suddenly smelt a familiar perfume, and her eyes flickered open. Seeing the steaming coffee on the desk, a smile lit her face for the first time since she'd got to work. Her hands fell to the note and she caressed it a moment before opening it.

"Lex, I hope this helps you stay awake. I assume your back is probably sore from sleeping on my couch and I'm sorry. Next time, we'll have to try the bed. - Love you baby." There was a lipstick kiss on it.

Alex smiled, folding the note and putting it in her desk before taking a sip of coffee, a happy sigh escaping her lips.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

_(In case my AC stories are taken down, I've created an account on www(dot)SVUfiction(dot)com. I haven't posted anything yet, waiting for an admin to get back to me, hopefully. I won't delete any stories off of here. I'll just post both places. My handle on there is the same as here: **Liv-x-Lex4Ever**)_

Review **thanks **to: Blitz1030, Tripperz, Wigler, steple, iTrick, Lexie, Stussy, Nobot4life, Surfrider, Butterscotch, JeffHardyfan724, Madds21, Mackster, eljh55, Cavak, LOCISVU & Tracer

136 for 8 chapters was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	10. Deep Roots

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 10: Deep Roots**

Alex sat in the same restaurant as their first date, looking at her watch nervously. They'd barely seen each other since she'd stayed at Casey's house, and all her insecurities had started to surface once more. Casey wasn't going to show. _She was never going to show. She only said yes so you would leave her office._

Casey looked at her watch, just getting out of court. "Damn it!" She ran to her office, throwing the files on her desk, before grabbing her jacket, closing her office door and running out.

Alex started her second glass of wine, snapping breadsticks nervously. _She's gone home. Locked her door. Thinks you're going to jump her._

Casey rushed in, greeting the same waiter. "I know, I know, I'm late! Please tell me she's still here!"

"Just. Finished almost a whole bottle of wine and the table is covered in breadstick crumbs."

Casey sighed. "Thank you." She walked briskly over, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and kissing her cheek. "I'm _so_ sorry! I thought I would never be out of court. Would you like to stay here or not? We don't have to. Sweetie, I'm _so_ sorry!"

Alex gave a rather drunken smile. "I hardly noticed!"

Casey shook her head. "I'm sorry! Look, I'll call us a cab and we can snuggle all we want in my bed while I try to make it up to you. What do you say?"

Alex gave a slow smile, her hand snaking up Casey's leg to caress her thigh. "Sounds...hic! Nice."

Casey sighed. "Right, stay here. And let me take this," she grabbed the nearly empty wine bottle, flagging the waiter. "Excuse me?"

"Yes, Ms. Novak?" At Casey's puzzled look, he offered, "She wanted to talk about you."

"Would you mind doing me the huge favor of calling us a cab? I've, uh, got my hands - Alex no!" she said as she grabbed for the wine, "full."

The waiter grinned and nodded before calling them one.

Casey walked over and paid the bill before walking back over to Alex. Draping an arm over her shoulder and supporting her weight, she helped her stand. "Okay, come on, Alex, let's go."

"I love you." Alex kissed her cheek.

She nodded. "Yes, yes, I know you love me and I would really love you if you tried to concentrate on walking out to the cab."

Alex wrapped an arm around her, giving the waiter a flirtatious wave as they left.

Being very careful, Casey led them out into the cab and gave directions to her place. Alex was resting against her shoulder, sloppily kissing her neck every five seconds.

"I thought you'd gone home and locked your door to keep me out." Alex kissed her neck once more

"You know I wouldn't do that, Alex, not to you."

Alex smiled, one hand sliding under Casey's top to caress her stomach. The driver glanced into the rearview mirror.

Casey blushed bright red, yanking Alex's hand out. "Wait! Not now!" she said through gritted teeth.

Alex pouted a little, her hand moving to caress Casey's thigh.

Casey held her hand down. "No!"

"But I missed you...my Ruby Lips."

Casey's hand covered her mouth. "Shhh! We're almost home."

"..I want to taste you." Alex murmured against her hand.

Casey smiled. "Maybe later okay?" she whispered in her ear. "When you're sober."

"I am s...mmm, you smell good." Alex returned to kissing Casey neck.

Casey pushed her back as the cab rolled to a stop in front of the apartment building. She opened the door. "Okay Alex, come on."

Alex lent forward and kissed the surprised driver on the cheek. "Thank you."

Casey pulled her out, leaning her against the side of the building before going back and paying the driver. "Sorry about that. She's...pretty hammered."

"No problem, won't say I didn't enjoy it. Make sure she has some water." He glanced outside the window at Alex who had begun twirling around the tree outside the apartment block.

Casey nodded. "Thanks for the tip." She walked over to her. "Come on, sweetie. Let's get out of this cold."

"It's not cold. It's warm. Warm enough to take your jacket off. And maybe your top." Alex's hands slid under her top again, but then rested her head on her shoulder. "I feel a bit dizzy."

Casey put her arms around her to support her. "Then let's get you inside and in warm jamies."

* * *

Inside, Alex curled up on Casey's couch, resting her head on the arm. "Maybe I'm asleep...at the table, in the restaurant, and this is a dream." Stretching out, she pulled her dress over her head.

Casey walked out from the kitchen with a tall glass of water. Sitting on the coffee table, she helped her sit up. "Drink this, okay? I'll go find you something to change into and then we can curl up in my bed if you want." She stood, walking back into her room.

When Casey returned, Alex had a photo album spread out on the coffee table, her bra was thrown on the ground and she held a cushion to her chest.

"Alex? What are you doing?" she asked, closing the photo album and sitting beside it.

"It was on the table. Who was...is..."

Casey sighed. "All right, come with me," she pulled her to her feet and to her room, sitting her on her bed.

"Who was it?" Alex sat down willingly, looking up at Casey.

"Who is what?" she asked, helping her pull on a set of soft pajamas.

"In the photos. You look...happy."

Casey sighed. "Later okay? We should sleep now."

"...Don't you want to tell me?" Alex pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging her legs, her eyes suddenly looking very round.

Casey pushed the covers back, wrapping her arms around her. "Alex, what's the matter?"

"When I was...he was supposed to meet me at a restaurant after school. He never showed. He ran off with another woman."

"Who was?" Casey asked intrigued.

"...My dad."

She kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry." She thought a moment. "What do you mean he ran off with another woman?"

"...My girlfriend. Who was in the photos, Casey?"

"Which ones?" she asked, knowing Alex wasn't going to let it go.

"The blonde one...who looks a bit like me."

"She was...my sister..."

Alex's eyes shut slowly. "I'm sorry. I thought she was..."

Casey shook her head. "No, we grew apart as we got older. I went to law school. She would have rather partied. She was, uh, clipped by a hit-and-run a few years ago..."

Alex's hand sought Casey's pulling it close to her chest and holding it close so she could feel her steady heartbeat. "I'm sorry."

"H-how can you have enough inhibitions? Unless...you're not drunk off your ass anymore." Casey wiped her eyes. "Let's just get some sleep okay? I don't feel like talking about it anymore," she crawled under the covers.

Alex turned the light off, but sat in the same spot, arms wrapped around her legs.

Casey sat up. "Something else you care to dig up about my past, Alex?"

Alex stayed silent, staring out into the darkness.

Casey rested a hand on her arm. "Alex?"

She jumped, then pulled her arm away, standing and swaying a little. "I have to go."

Casey stood up, pulling her back down. "No, you don't. Sweetie, you're still drunk. Look, I won't ask any more questions tonight, okay? Just please stay!"

"No, I can't...I can't. I have to go! I need to go."

Casey hugged her tight. "No, please don't go!" she cried.

Alex struggled against her, but then finally stopped, sinking against her a moment, breathing it her perfume, before speaking quietly, "I slept with her."

Casey gasped. "You...what? You ca-can't be serious! Sh-she wasn't... How did you even...?"

"About...6 years ago. Just before I moved to New York."

"S-six years? What month?"

"...New Years."

"No! No, no, no, no! She-she sa-said she needed to talk to me...something had happened! The next day she—" Casey fell to the floor crying.

Alex moved to the floor, trying to hug her.

No matter how shocked Casey was, she knew it was never Alex's fault for what had happened. She leaned into Alex, wrapping her arms around her. "No!" she cried over and over into her shoulder, trembling. "Pl-please d-don't go! I need you! Don't leave me!" Whether she was crying for Alex or her sister, she didn't know.

Alex wasn't sure either, but wrapped her arms around her, willing the dizziness floating in her head away as she rocked Casey gently.

Casey cried into her shoulder, trembling so badly she couldn't even speak in full sentences. "I-it...you said...why didn't...you...to me...?"

"I didn't know. Then I thought...hoped...maybe she was just a girlfriend or a friend."

Casey shook her head. "Did sh-she m-mention m-me?"

Alex bit her lip, but then seeing the hope in Casey's eyes, she nodded. "She told me she was going to see her sister the next day. Told me she'd graduated from law school...how proud she was."

"She did?" she asked on a high-pitched voice. "Really?"

Alex nodded. "She was really proud, Case. She loved you."

She sighed, relaxing against her a bit. "Will you sit with me like this in bed? W-will you stay?"

Alex nodded, kissing the top of her head. "Of course I will."

"I miss her so much!"

* * *

_Alex was running so hard she could barely draw a breath. She could see Casey ahead of her, and she needed to get to her, but the more she ran the further she seemed to get from her. She saw the car moving towards Casey, who was smiling, talking on her phone, and she yelled out to warn her, but she didn't seem to hear._

_Suddenly, Casey seemed to be in the air, limp as she flew. She landed at Alex's feet, her eyes open...and blank. Alex couldn't stop herself screaming Casey's name._

Casey woke with a start in Alex's arms. "Alex? Alex? What's wrong?"

_Alex was paralyzed in her sleep, seeing other people rush to help Casey, but she couldn't move, couldn't help her. "CASEY!_"

Casey crawled out of her arms and sat in her lap, holding her tightly. "Alex? Sweetie, you're scaring me. Please come back. Come back to me," she said, kissing her cheek and rubbing her back. "Whatever happened to me...it wasn't real. I'm right here, with you."

Alex woke slowly, choking back her tears. "...Casey?"

Casey reached over, turning on a light, then kissed her cheek. "Yes sweetie. What happened? Are you okay?"

Alex wrapped her arms around Casey tightly, burying her head into the crook of her neck, but seconds later, she was on her feet, racing to the bathroom, only just making it to the sink before she was sick.

Casey ran after her. "Stay here. I'll get something to wipe this up." Casey walked into her bedroom and found a couple of towels that needed to be washed already and walked back in.

Alex sat on the edge of the bed, resting her head in her hands.

Minutes later, Casey walked back in, trash can in one hand, water in the other and sat beside her. "Here," she handed her the water. "And...just in case," she set the trash can at Alex's feet.

Alex gave a small smile. "Sorry."

Casey just patted her hand. "Don't worry about it. I'm more worried about you. You still seem...really shaken."

Alex took a gulp of water, wiping tears from her face. "I just keep...ruining things. Last time I was too...much. This time I got drunk."

Casey wrapped her arms around her. "No, it's okay. You were...upset that I was so late. Sweetie, talk to me."

Alex shook her head, taking another gulp of water, coughing a little.

Casey wiped the water from her chin. "Try to calm down. I'm OK."

Alex took a deep breath, glancing at her.

Casey guided Alex's head to her shoulder. "Good. It's going to be okay. Can you...tell me what happened?"

Alex hesitated before repeating her dream, not daring to look at her again.

Casey nodded, processing the information slowly. "Alex, look at me," she said gently.

Alex glanced at her, then looked at her properly.

"The events of your nightmare, they sound frighteningly similar to what happened to..." she looked away."I-I'm sorry. I just...can't! God, nobody's brought her up in so long!" she cried.

"I'm sorry." Alex lowered her head once more.

"Why?" she whispered. "I-I'm trying not to process the truth here. Really hard."

Alex rubbed her hands on her legs several times before looking towards her once more. "I wasn't...there. I just read about it. After."

Casey sighed. "Alex, I don't want to deal with this information! I just want to go back to sleep, here, in this bed, with you...who I love. C-can we maybe do that?"

Alex looked down, then towards the door, before standing. "I need to go."

"Damn it, Alex! Not this again! No, I don't want you to go! I realize that what I just learned will...take a bit of time to get used to, but I will. You can't change the past. All you can do is accept it and move forward." She stood, taking her hand. "I want to do that. With you."

"No, I need to go..." She motioned to the bathroom, then gave a slightly embarrassed smile.

Casey smiled. "Oh sorry," she let go. "If you wanna crawl back in and cuddle with me after, it'd be much appreciated."

Alex went into the bathroom, shutting the door softly, before going to the toilet. Afterwards, she washed her face, then looked at herself in the mirror.

Casey got back under the covers, letting everything wash over her as she shook again, breathing ragged. She reached up and hugged her pillow tightly. "A-Alex, where are you?"

A few minutes later, Alex walked out of the room, turning the light off.

"A-Al-Alex!" she cried, beginning to hiccup.

Alex slid into the bed with her, wrapping her arms around her shaking frame.

"Don't y-you dare leave like that!" she cried. "You'll break my heart!"

"I won't as long as you promise not to." Alex wiped away Casey's tears, pulling her close as she turned the light off.

Casey nodded. "I hope I don't." She sighed. "I love you...both of you."

Alex kissed her head, stroking Casey's back gently until she fell asleep once more.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: Blitz1030, Tripperz, Wigler, Eljh55, iTrick, steple, Stussy, Lexie, Nobot4life, Mackster, Surfrider, Tracer, Madds21, Butterscotch, Cavak & LOCISVU

152 for 9 chapters was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	11. Rough

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 11: Rough**

When Casey awoke the next morning, she found Alex and herself at opposite sides of the bed, both tangled up in the sheets, but their hands still lay in the middle of the bed, clasped tightly. Pushing herself onto her side, she watched Alex sleeping for a while, seeing how relaxed she was, her face calm and her breathing steady.

Slowly, Alex began to wake, her eyelids flickering and her lips speaking silently before she finally opened her eyes to find green orbs looking down on her. "...Morning."

Casey scooted over, hugging her tightly. "Good morning. Did you...sleep better?" she asked, a shiver running down her spine as she remembered the night before.

Alex nodded, gazing up at her.

She sighed. "I meant what I said. All of that's in the past. You can't change it, but..." she bit her lip. "I need to know something. An honest answer, okay?"

Alex nodded once more, giving a sleepy smile.

"Did you love her or was she just another notch?"

Alex was silent for a while, studying Casey's face, before she offered quietly, "She was the _first_ and _only_ person I ever said I love you to. She never said it back."

Carefully, her fingers traced the side of Alex's face. "When did you say it? Before the accident?"

Alex nodded, unwilling to offer any more information, lest it cause tears once more.

Casey hugged her tighter, feeling Alex rest her head on her shoulder, taking in the scent of her shampoo. "I love you," she whispered next to her ear, "so much. I'll never take it back."

"...Enough to make breakfast?" Alex tickled her side a little, hoping to lighten the mood.

"I'm pretty sure I still have leftovers," she said with a smile. "Why don't you come with me?"

Alex shook her head, giving a cheeky smile before disappearing under the covers.

Casey went after her, tickling her, smiling upon hearing her shrieks and laughter.

Finally, breathless, Alex fell from the bed and held up her hands. "I give up! I'll come with you!"

Casey nodded, sliding out from under the covers, helping Alex up and walking out to the kitchen.

Alex stood next to her the whole time, dropping kisses to her shoulder, trying to stop what she was doing so they could hug.

Finally, Casey sighed, setting the food on the counter and looking at her. "What?"

Alex just threw her arms around her, holding gently.

Casey smiled, wrapping her arms around her. "What's this for?"

She shook her head. "Because I'm happy you still love me even though…"

"Alex, I'll admit I'm still a bit...unsettled by the idea, but I'll get over it," she said, kissing her cheek. "Now, where do you want to eat?"

Alex gave a sly smile, her eyes travelling over Casey's body. "Well..."

Casey smiled. "Well, what? Have a spot in mind?"

"Hmm." Alex turned Casey around slowly before answering, "Actually, neither of us have showered since I was sick, and I don't remember where I was sick, so I'm going to say eating in here would be the safest option."

"How do you feel? Maybe you shouldn't be up and around quite yet," she answered, still holding her gently.

"I feel like I want to forget I ever got really drunk and embarrassed myself in front of you on our second date."

She nodded. "Okay, its forgotten. Clean slate. But Alex, you know as well as I do, that wasn't the only reason you were sick," she said with a sigh.

"Mm-hmm. I was sick with love for yooou." Alex smiled, her eyes pleading a little for Casey not to bring it up again.

Casey kissed her gently. "Come on, let's sit at the table," she said, sitting Alex in the pulled chair as she nuked the leftovers before setting them in front of Alex. "Anything to drink?"

"Water?" Alex asked.

"Ice or no ice?"

Alex sighed and cocked her head for a moment before answering. "You decide."

Casey nodded, bringing two tall glasses of water - sans - ice with her as she sat beside Alex. "Here you go."

Alex took it, taking a long swig, before beginning to eat her meal silently.

Casey rested her free hand on top of Alex's, rubbing gently as she ate slowly. "After this, you could get a shower, or now...if you don't feel like eating," she supplied seeing Alex was only picking at her plate. Casey abandoned what little she had left and scooted closer. "I heard a long time ago, to remember your losses. They're supposed to hurt. It means you care, that you have a heart..." she said, feeling Alex tremble as she dropped her fork. "I'm sorry. This isn't exactly polite conversation, but...you're hurt and I need you to let me help you...Alex, I really do. Th-they blamed me a-and threw me out...after... Please, even if, right now, it's only to say it isn't my fault..."

Alex turned to look at her and spoke earnestly. "It wasn't your fault. None of what happened was. She was...just...broken. I'm sorry, I have to go." Alex stood, her fork dropping loudly to her plate. She made her way quickly to the door, seeming to forget what she was wearing as she pulled her coat over it.

Casey ran after her, catching her wrist. "Alex!"

Alex shook her off, turning like she was going to explain to her, but after much struggling over words, she mumbled, "I love you," before disappearing out the door.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: eljh55, Tripperz, steple, Mackster, iTrick, Blitz1030, Nobot4life, Cavak, Surfrider, LOCISVU, Tracer, Lexie, Wigler, Butterscotch, Stussy & Madds21

168 for 10 chapters was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	12. Bleeding Heart

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 12: Bleeding Heart**

Casey walked over, grabbing the dishes and walking to the garbage to dispose of the half-eaten food before putting the dishes in the sink. She walked back to the bedroom, closing the door.

Sitting on the bed, she grabbed her phone, sending out a rather lengthy message. "I know I fucked up, okay? It's my fault. I just thought we could help each other. I know explaining it wasn't easy. Hearing it was no picnic either. You're the only one who knows and you walked away. I don't blame you, Alex. It's my fault. I should've lied, said she was no one, but where would that have left us? I hope you want to come back...someday..."

* * *

Alex walked for a long time, not noticing how cold she was. Her mind was thinking back to the time when she'd shown up at Casey's parents' house. She'd just wanted to go to the funeral, but her father must have known who she was. He'd met her outside by her car.

Alex had never been slapped before then. He looked so...angry. Like he blamed her for his daughter's death. He told her to leave, to turn the car around and to never bother his family again. She had.

If she'd gone to the funeral, she might have seen Casey, might have recognized her when they started to work together, then they wouldn't be in this mess. She finally stopped walking and sank to a park bench.

* * *

Casey sighed. She knew they both needed time to think and, right now, all she really wanted to do was sleep. Instead, she started a load of laundry and washed the dishes, though neither act could occupy her mind. Once the dishes were clean and put away, she walked back into her bedroom, falling onto her bed in a hard, dreamless slumber.

* * *

With no keys, her bag still lying wherever she'd thrown in when entering Casey's apartment, Alex stayed out until it began to get dark, then began to wander again, before ending up outside Olivia's door.

Olivia sat up from the couch, hearing someone there. The knock came again. She got up and walked over. "Who is it?" she asked through a yawn.

"Ah, the only person who ever comes to your door and knocks?"

Olivia opened the door to let her in. "What are you doing here? Thought you'd be home," she said, closing her door and locking it before walking over to sit on the couch, gesturing for Alex to join her.

Alex sat down on the couch with a sigh, taking off her jacket, forgetting she was still wearing Casey's Ninja Turtle top underneath. "Long story."

Olivia nodded. "Nice pjs," she said with a smile, "where'd you get them?"

Alex glanced down then closed her eyes. "Casey."

"Ah, I see. Did you two have a fight? And before you ask, Elliot told me, but I haven't told anyone else."

"Not exactly. I ah...slept with her sister."

"Well, there's something I don't hear every day. So you slept with her and...her sister told her?"

"Her sister died. A long time ago. She...it's...complicated." Alex sighed again, leaning forward to rest her head in her hands.

Olivia rested a hand on her shoulder. "Let me take a crack at it. You met her a long time ago before you ever met Casey. You two were intimately close and you said just how much you cared for her only for her to die before she told you? Do I have that about right?"

Alex nodded.

"Was she...upset when you told her?"

Alex looked at her. "Not…raged, but hurt. I guess she hasn't had to think about it in years. Sh-she said her family blamed her, but her father really blamed me."

Olivia sighed. "He didn't know, did he?"

"Apparently not. And Casey...she tried to apologize, but I didn't know what to say. So I left and went walking until I ended up here. I probably have a dozen text messages from her, but I just don't know what to say, Liv."

"Maybe you don't have to talk."

"What?"

"Alex, she's buried those memories a long time. I bet they're killing her. Afraid to let go and grieve for fear of not being able to put herself back together."

"You think I'm not afraid, Olivia? I-after her sister died, I thought I'd never get over it. Not that her father's reaction to me was any better than how I felt. I want to be with her! I want to tell her she didn't drive me away!"

"Then go tell her."

Alex looked up at her then lowered her head. "Do you think she'd have me back?"

"Do you think she loves you or do you know she loves you?"

Alex was silent for a moment, then handed Olivia her phone, still flashing with messages she'd been too scared to read.

"Do you want me to read it to you? There's only one, but it looks long."

Alex nodded.

"I know I fucked up, okay? It's my fault. I just thought we could help each other. I know explaining it wasn't easy. Hearing it was no picnic either. You're the only one who knows and you walked away. I don't blame you, Alex. It's my fault. I should've lied, said she was no one, but where would that have left us? I hope you want to come back...someday..."

Alex shut her eyes for a moment then stood up. "..Thanks Liv."

Olivia stood, hugging her. "Would you like a ride? It's pretty chilly out now."

Alex gave a smile, pulling her coat on. "That'd be nice."

Olivia grabbed her keys and before they knew it, they were outside Casey's building.

Alex seemed hesitant to go inside and stood outside the car looking up at the window.

Olivia put the window down. "Do you love her or not, Alex?"

"Yes."

"Then say that. Apologize in person, cry, scream. Let her know she doesn't have to be embarrassed or ashamed to let her barriers down in front of you. She needs you. Trust me."

Alex took a deep breath and took several steps towards the building, glanced back towards Olivia, before disappearing inside.

* * *

Casey was now buried far underneath the covers, hugging the pillow Alex had rested on, trying to find some comfort in it. She'd been asleep for a while, but still clutched the pillow tightly. She wanted to apologize so bad for bringing it up again, but she needed to be able to heal and, as no one else knew of her past but Alex...

Alex stood outside Casey's door nervously, stepping from foot to foot, before knocking quietly, then louder.

Casey heard someone knocking and drug herself from bed and opened the door. "A-Alex? I-I..."

Alex hesitated again before opening her arms. "I'm sorry."

Casey nodded, kicking the door closed. She wanted, so badly, to just fall into her arms, but her stubbornness wouldn't let her. Instead, she turned and walked over to sit on the couch, looking at Alex with a hurt expression. "You left," was all she replied.

Alex's arms dropped, and she stayed where she was, just inside the door. "I was..I...I'm sorry."

Casey nodded, looking down as tears began to course, resting her head in her hands. She wasn't sure if she was upset at Alex or the long-buried memories anymore. "Please," she whispered, "why did you go? I needed you to stay so why did you go?"

"...Your father."

Casey looked up, patting the spot beside her. "...My father? You've never met—"

Alex swallowed and moved forward, sitting on the edge of the couch. "Once. He...slapped me."

Casey rested her hand on her knee. "He-he never told me he met you."

"Would you? It's the day of your sister's funeral, but it's ok because I've slapped the person responsible and told her to never come near us again."

Her eyes widened. "You? You had as much responsibility in it as I had," she said, caressing her cheek. "I'm sorry," she sniffed, "he had no right to do that."

"You had no responsibility, Case. You were in law school in another state."

"How did you know?"

"She told me."

Casey nodded. "Oh well, uh, I-I guess she w-would know, but..."

Alex reached across to wipe away some of Casey's tears. "I won't leave again. I promise."

Casey looked at her, falling into her lap. "I-it wasn't fair! I-I got some damn phone call. My father was too insensitive to drive up to tell me in person!" she pounded the couch. "When I heard that news, I ended up failing my first attempt at my finals. Second time, I barely scraped. And I knew I could've done better. Y-you would've wanted me to. You always encouraged me, damn it! Wh-when you left, who did I have?"

Alex stroked her hair, her eyes closed tightly to the memories.

Casey wrapped her arms around her, burying her head in her neck. "You always said I could do it for both of us. I-I did, but Dad kicked me out and to the curb. I-I wasn't sure of anything until I met Alex and now, hopefully, things will be a bit easier. I love her very much. Please make sure sh-she does-doesn't—Alex, don't go!" she cried, hugging her tightly.

Alex's arms held her tightly. "She was so, so proud of you Casey. Of everything you did."

"Wh-why didn't she ever say anything?"

"She was too scared to call you..in case you hung up."

"What?"

"She said last time you spoke, you had an argument, and you hung up. She was too scared to talk on the phone after that, to anyone. In case they hung up."

She thought back. "It was...over some guy she trying to dump. H-he said he wanted to be with her. She didn't. She said he asked for my number, which she didn't give him..."

"She loved you, Casey. A lot. And she wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

Casey nodded. "I know, but...with our home lives it was...complicated."

Alex dropped a kiss to her head, holding her tighter.

They sat for a long time in silence before Casey finally spoke, "Can we go somewhere where I can lie down? All this remembering is given me a headache."

Alex kissed her temple and nodded, helping her stand.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"You'll stay?"

"Promise."

Casey nodded, taking her hand to lead her, once again, back to her bedroom. She sat on the bed, Alex beside her. "I missed you so much. I thought I'd pushed you away."

"It wasn't you, Casey, it was me, I...How about I go run a bath? A warm bath will relax you and make you feel a bit better."

She smiled. "Sounds nice, but before you go..." Casey captured her lips in a searing, emotional kiss.

When they finally parted, Alex smiled back, caressing Casey's hair a moment before disappearing into the bathroom.

Casey stood, discarding her clothes and pulling on a robe.

Ten minutes later, Alex walked back into the room, wrapping her arms around her and kissing her cheek.

Casey sighed tiredly.

"What's wrong?"

Casey pulled away, sitting on the bed. "This. How can you expect me to just—Alex, you can't run every time there's a problem! I-I mean, I was trying to come to grips with what you said a-and you just ran..."

Alex sighed, leaning against the wall. "Are you saying you don't want to be with me anymore because I ran when I was scared?"

"But I didn't know how you felt! For all I knew, you did run because of me."

"I didn't," she answered, crossing her arms.

She nodded. "But how do I know that? Am I just supposed to take your word for it?"

"Well, I thought you would believe me, thought you trusted me!"

"I do, but that, in every relationship, is a two-way street, Alex. If I can't trust that you'll be here to catch me, then maybe. . ."

Alex sighed. "..Maybe I just shouldn't be here," she said, beginning to walk out, she turned around. "The water's nice and warm for you."

Casey stood up. "Thank you."

She nodded. "So…see you Monday?" There wasn't a point in arguing what had been done. It'd just make it more painful. Alex would leave with her pride intact, even if her heart was bleeding on the floor. She just hoped their brokenness could be avoided at work.

Casey nodded, turning away and listening to the footfalls of half of her heart.

Part of her wanted to go after her, say they could work through it, but until Alex realized how much she really meant to her, there wasn't much she could do as far as patchwork that wouldn't leave them hollow, lacking in the relationship.

With a sigh, as the door closed, Casey walked into the bathroom and slid into the steamy water, turning off the faucet as her salty tears mixed with the steam wondering where to go next...

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: eljh55, Tripperz, Blitz1030, Butterscotch, Mackster, Nobot4life, steple, iTrick, Wigler, Lexie, Madds21, Surfrider, Stussy, Tracer, Cavak, case-oli & LOCISVU

185 for 11 chapters was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	13. Soften the Blow

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 13: Soften the Blow**

The next Monday, Alex was at work earlier than usual, purposely trying to avoid Casey because she knew nothing she could ever say would make this better. She had stayed, but by then it was already too late. When she'd seen Casey sit on the couch with a cold expression, she should've tried to make everything right, should've asked for time to get herself together.

Now, with her luck, she would never get back together with her.

It wasn't like she could walk in, get on her hands and knees, apologize, and Casey would take her back. She had every reason not to. Alex's past had caused her to build wall after wall around her heart and the second Casey managed to break one down, a stronger one replaced it.

She had a lot of work to do before she could even think of asking Casey to try again. She just hoped, by then, it wouldn't be too late.

* * *

Casey walked in and sat at her desk, feeling and looking like she'd lost something vital. It wasn't fair, but Alex had been the one to walk out. She hadn't thrown her out. She set the bag with Alex's dress in it beside her desk, sighing, wishing she could ask to go again, but Alex needed to get her priorities straight first.

Alex sat behind her desk, staring into space, obvious signs of sleepless nights on face. Olivia glanced into her office before walking to Casey's and knocking quietly.

Casey looked up, straightening her hair before answering. "Come in," she said weakly.

Olivia walked in, eyeing the woman in front of her. "You too, huh? I'm about to go get a coffee if you want to join me."

"Me too? What does that mean? And no amount of coffee will fix this." She sighed, "unless you'd like me to cry on your shoulder, Olivia, though that hardly seems right."

"I just...Alex looks pretty wiped out. I thought you two hadn't slept a lot. What's happened?" Olivia moved to sit on the edge of the desk.

Casey sighed again, running a hand over her face. "The door please."

Olivia stood to shut the door, but hesitated when she saw Alex standing in the corridor like she was plucking up the courage to come in. "Ah...I think you have a visitor."

"If it's anyone with a warrant, I'm unavailable," she grumbled, laying her head on her arms on her desk.

Alex walked into the room in a rush. The usually composed, cool woman today wore a creased skirt, messy hair, no make up to mask her tired face, and half her shirt was hanging from her skirt. "I got you breakfast."

Casey stood, walking around to the front of her desk. "Thank you. Now will you let me help you? You look like a wreck," she said, grabbing her purse and digging through it. "I know we, silently, agreed to be civil, but I don't feel well about you walking around like that."

Olivia slid silently from the room as Alex gave a confused frown, running a hand through her hair. "What?"

"Alex, look at yourself! If you really were OK, y-you would never come to work looking like this."

Alex swallowed, trying to resist falling into Casey's shoulder and telling her how shed been unable to sleep, had wandered the streets all night, had thought of all the right things to say, knew what to do, to make it better. Instead, she took a step back as Casey reached out to tuck in her shirt. "I... "

Casey reached down beside her desk, grabbing the bag. "Alex, let me help you. I-I know it wasn't easy, for me either. I want you to look presentable. You know Liz is going to find a way to blame me if you walk into court looking like...a 2-year-old who just dressed herself for the first time. Please, just sit."

Alex hesitated again before sitting, her eyes trained on Casey's the whole time she worked, her mouth opening every so often to speak, but then she'd remember what she'd done, what she'd already said, and close it once more.

Casey tucked Alex's shirt in, brushed her long golden hair and applied a bit of makeup to her tired face, before setting the bag in her lap. "Your dress. I washed it for you. Alex, I know you're sorry. You probably wanted to give a good argument, but couldn't come up with one. I know it was...unbearable to realize what you'd done. And, to tell the truth, I had a horrible night too. Is it too much to ask of you to get your heart in order, as far as where you want to be before..."

To Casey's shock, for the first time, she saw tears forming in Alex's eyes, the begin to spill down her cheeks.

Casey instantly wrapped her arms around her, forgetting she walked away. "Oh Alex! Please don't cry!" she whispered, holding her tightly. "I'm still here."

Alex gave a quiet sob into Casey's shirt.

"What did I say? Do you two really have such short memories?" Liz stood in the doorway, arms folded.

Casey instantly pulled away, standing. "It-its not li-look, I'm sorry, okay? But I...when she actually cries, it's cause for something."

Liz looked down at Alex who wiped her face on her sleeve, smearing it with the freshly applied eye makeup. "Clean her up. If she's sick, send her home, otherwise you can both get back to work."

Casey nodded. "Right. Any reason why you're here?"

"I came to tell Alex her leave is approved."

"Oh...okay. I-I'll tell her. Thank you."

Liz nodded before glaring again then walked away.

Alex was rubbing at her sleeve, trying to remove the stain as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks

Casey closed the door behind her before standing in front of Alex. She bit her lip. "Is it really too painful to see me every day that you have to take a leave of absence? Okay, that's not fair. Sorry."

Alex shook her head, shutting her eyes for a moment and rubbing them vigorously to try and stop the tears. She spoke in a hoarse voice. "That's why I came to see you. To tell you I wasn't leaving because of...what happened. Its a...family thing that I need to deal with."

Casey dropped to her knees. "What happened?"

Alex shook her head, unwilling to share the details, feeling it wouldn't be fair. Instead, she made an attempt to stand. "I should be back in a couple of weeks. I can call you, if you like."

Casey caught her as she fell toward her desk. "No, sweetie, tell me. I may not be able to be there, but if it has you upset..."

Alex shook her head once more, tears threatening again as she dropped a gentle kiss to Casey's cheek, then managed a smile. "See you soon, Ruby Lips."

Casey hugged her tightly, kissing her cheek. "Try to straighten yourself out, okay? But yes, call me. I still love you, you know."

Alex only made it back to her office, door closed, before her tears fell again, a sob that shed held in threatening to choke her as she slid to the floor.

Olivia appeared outside Casey's office door again, knocking once more. "Sorted it out?"

Casey shook her head. "If I had any mind, I'd follow her. Something tells me she's on the floor crying."

"Why don't you then?" Olivia looked down at the breakfast Alex at brought, frowned at the odd mixture food, before picking up a strawberry and biting into it.

"Because I'm scared of making her feel worse, Olivia. She walked out..."

Olivia bit into another berry, licking her lips. "When? When she found out about her mom? She was probably just shocked. They didn't speak for a long time, only just got back in touch."

"Whoa, wait! What about her mom?"

Olivia lifted her head in surprise. "She died. Why, what are you talking about?"

Casey rubbed her eyes. "She walked out because I was tired of her running when I tried to open up. She didn't say anything about her mom. When did this happen and how do you know about it?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow and hesitated before answering, "Over the weekend at some point. I saw the file. Looks like it might end up as one of our cases."

She sighed. "What happened? Should I be going with her?"

"Found..well, very near Alex's apartment, fully clothed, no money on her, body has been shipped back to Texas for burial, I guess that's where Alex is going."

Casey ran a hand over her face. "I think...even with what's happened, she would appreciate the support, but I can't just put a request in now. Liz won't have anyone."

"Well..ah.." Olivia motioned out the door to where Alex, shirt somehow untucked again, a ladder now in her tights, had just broken the heel of her shoes and was staring at it, getting odd looks from people walking past. "Want me to take it?" she asked Casey.

Casey shook her head. "Help her in. I got her."

Olivia walked out to Alex, who looked at her with a dazed expression, before allowing her to pick up the broken shoe and help her limp into Casey's office. Closing the door, Olivia gave Casey a thumbs up. Alex stood for a moment before holding out the shoe. "Can you fix it?"

Casey pulled open a drawer of her desk and took the items from her, before grabbing some type of adhesive."I can try."

Alex sank into the chair opposite her, giving a small sigh, and sat with her hands clasped in her lap, her eyes trained on the floor.

Casey applied the adhesive to both the heel and the shoe, leaving it turned upside down on her desk. "Alex, about your leave... would you like company?"

Alex swallowed, her hands beginning to fidget. "I'm not going on holiday. Nowhere nice..."

Casey stood in front of her again, biting her lip. "Alex, I-I know about...what happened. I thought you could use support. But the chance of me being able to is..."

Casey hoped she imagined the moisture that shone in Alex's eyes as she shook her head. "I didn't..I can't expect you to come with me when I left you after..."

Casey took her hand. "Forget that for a second. Do you want me there?"

Alex gave a small nod.

Casey looked towards Olivia. "Don't suppose you owe a favor? I don't know how else I'd swing this and, normally, I wouldn't ask, but..."

"I'll see what I can do...you two owe me big time, though." Olivia gave Alex a smile, but the usual smile, even the curt smile she would offer when she didn't want to smile, wasn't there, and she rested her head gently on Casey's middle.

Quietly, Olivia left the room.

Casey wrapped her arms around her. "If we do this, you have to try to be more open, okay? I'm going for support, but I have a feeling we're going to be close again."

Alex nodded, her arms wrapping around Casey, her mouth tripping over quiet, unintelligible words before her tears started once more.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: Eljh55, Madds21, Blitz1030, Lexie, iTrick, Nobo4life, Wigler, steple, Surfrider, Stussy, Mackster, Butterscotch, Tracer, BeTheDream, Tripperz & LOCISVU

201 for 12 chapters was awesome you guys! That's the most I've ever gotten! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	14. Adrift

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 14: Adrift**

The flight there and the taxi ride after was done mostly in silence, but Alex kept a tight grip on Casey, causing a stir at customs until Casey managed to convince them they were no threat to anyone. When the taxi finally stopped, it was outside a large hotel. "This is it. Want me to help you inside with your bags, ladies?"

"Ah, yes that would be great, thank you," Casey said, looking at Alex. "Ready?"

Alex moved from the car with her, holding onto the back of her t-shirt when Casey insisted on helping the driver with the bags. Casey was yet to work out whose benefit the touching was for or the reason for it, but it seemed to calm Alex so she didn't question her.

Inside, the receptionist gave a wide smile. "Welcome to Texas! You, ah, Ms. Cabot, were a little vague on the phone. We weren't sure if you wanted a double, a twin or two single rooms?"

She looked back at Alex. "We'll take a double if its available, right?"

Alex gave a distracted nod, her hand finally freeing Casey as she walked to look out the window.

Casey grabbed the key and walked over. "Okay, come on. We're on the second floor," she said, taking her arm.

"I never wanted to come back here."

Casey wrapped her arm around her. "Why?"

Alex didn't want to tell her, the defense wall already began to creep up and could be felt as her body stiffened, eyes moving her way as they usually did as she strutted, tall, everywhere. But, Casey's arm was so warm, her gaze had looked so caring. Alex's body sank a little, her hand reaching to grasp onto part of Casey. Any part, to remind herself she needed to...feel. "Bad memories. my..choices weren't well received by my family."

"So they know and...hate it?"

Alex nodded, her head turning to rest on Casey's shoulder.

Casey let out a breath she'd been holding in. "So can't you just say I'm a concerned friend? And, anyway, it's your life. You shouldn't care so much about what they think."

Alex, after two days, finally gave a proper smile, and it widened at Casey's frown. A moment later, she dropped a gentle kiss to her lips.

Casey leaned into her, savoring the feeling of the gnawing fire as she pulled Alex close, kissing deeper, loving the feel of Alex's hands on her back, wishing they could do more.

"Alex?" The voice of a man, sounding shocked, interrupted them, a hand pulled them apart.

Casey stood straighter, pulling away, but still holding her hand. "Sorry."

Something Casey had said or done seemed to have pulled Alex from the fog she'd been in for days, and her finger calmly stroked Casey's hand as she looked up at the man now standing red-faced with arms crossed. "Hello to you too, brother."

Casey stayed silent, knowing the moment was tense, but still that she needed support.

Alex's brother stared at Alex for a long time before looking at Casey. "Peter. Whatever she's told you or asked you to do, please do not do it so publically. Our father is well known around here and he can't have-"

"-Can't have his wife walking around New York in fish nets and a mini skirt?" Alex asked, icily.

Casey pulled on her hand. "Alex, maybe you shouldn't—"

A second later, Peter's hand shot out to slap Alex across the cheek.

Casey instantly pulled her close. "What the hell's the matter with you? A family gathering for a death is no place for that! Can't you see she's been upset? She's barely spoken two words to me since we arrived! Just cried!"

He gave a cynical laugh. "She doesn't cry. Just don't do that…stuff, or say that sort of thing around Dad, ok? OKAY?" He stared hard at Alex who looked like she wanted to lash out at him more than anything, but Casey's words and gentle arms stopped her. She would be ok as long as Casey was here.

If only she'd done the same. She gave a small nod to her brother, sinking into Casey a little again.

"Alright fine. We'll be more careful, but is that really any way to treat your grieving sister?" Casey asked.

He gave another cynical laugh. "You've got her well fooled, Alex. Dad wants you at home tonight for dinner. 6pm. Be there." With that, he walked away.

Casey looked to her. "I know, I know. 'Not now', but should we go back up to the room for a bit?"

They walked into the elevator and Alex held her tighter. "So, let me guess, they know your stone cold walls, emotionless, they've never seen you upset?"

Alex gave a nod. "I didn't want them to have the satisfaction of seeing me upset."

"But for this...? Wouldn't they expect you to be upset?" she asked as they got off the elevator and walked to the room.

"...They didn't know my mom and I had got back into contact. We hadn't spoken in over 10 years." Alex pushed open the door to the room.

Casey walked in, holding the door for her and closed it. Then she walked over and sat on the bed. "I-I know it's a lot, but would you tell me why you hadn't spoken until just recently? I won't push. I just want to help."

"I didn't...understand why she stayed with my dad. I thought she was weak, pathetic. But then...I guess something happened to show me that sometimes you do things...for love. I'm going to have a shower, ok?" Alex slid into the bathroom.

"Alex?"

She turned back to look at Casey from the doorway.

"Would you...like me to wait for you?"

Alex this time didn't hesitate before she nodded, resting against the doorframe like she was going to speak, before disappearing into the bathroom, the door left ajar.

Casey sighed, grabbing a fresh change of clothes to make herself look presentable and quickly changed.

Alex had told her, before they arrived, how strict her father was and that her brother had picked up his nature. Alex was forced to build barriers, lest she look weak and be reprimanded on every little thing.

When she had finished showering, Alex walked from the room with damp hair and a large, fluffy towel wrapped tightly around herself, her hands holding it in place, a far cry from the woman who had seemed happy to walk around naked in Casey's house days earlier.

Casey looked up from lying on the bed reading. "Feel a little better?"

Alex gave a small nod, facing away from Casey and dropping the towel to dress. Not so different a woman then, mused Casey as Alex stood stark naked in the middle of the room, assessing the clothes she had brought with her.

Casey let out a sigh, raising the book to obstruct her view. "Try the white button down with the blue skirt," she suggested, eyes trying to remain focused on what she was reading.

"Where is it? I can't find it." Alex pulled on some knickers, but then moved to stand in front of Casey, hands on hips. "Did I pack them?"

Casey nodded. "I thought for sure you would. Aren't they your favorite?" she asked, straining to read.

Alex bit her lip, then moved back to look in her bag. "I can't...what about this one?" She held up another top.

Cautiously, Casey let her eyes dart up. "If you're going for red, you might want black on bottom."

Alex suddenly noticed the blush that was creeping slowly onto Casey's cheeks, and a smile pulled at her lips. "I don't have any black. What about this skirt?"

Without looking up, she asked, "Color?"

"It's getting to be a very rosy pink now. It suits you."

"What?"

"That blush." Alex did up a bra before pulling on a conservative shirt and buttoning it up.

Casey smiled, finally setting her book down. "Well, it's hard not to. Alex, I'm here as support. I don't want this to be some fling that we forget about. If you love me and want to be with me, you're going to have to prove it. I don't expect it to be this week, what with family around, but...you understand, don't you?"

The smile that had been playing on Alex's lips slowly disappeared, and she nodded before mumbling an apology, returning to the bathroom.

Casey followed her, standing outside the door. "Alex, you don't need to apologize. I just...I don't want you feeling like this is a last-ditch effort because it's not, okay?" She sighed. "It hurts to be away from you, but it hurts even more to be in the same room and not try to comfort you out of fear that it'll be taken the wrong way and things will go too fast. Alex, I still do, with everything I have... Please believe that," she said walking back out to lay on the bed.

After several minutes of silence, Alex walked from the bathroom, her eyes red rimmed once more. She sat gently on the bed, her hand taking Casey's and caressing it a moment before she spoke in a shaking voice. "I'm going to tell you a story and I don't want you to say anything until I've finished, okay?"

Casey patted a spot beside her, nodding.

Alex slid next to her, and after a moment's hesitation, rested her head on Casey's shoulder. "Growing up...everyone here thought we were the perfect family. Two smart kids, a housewife and a successful businessman. But my dad...well, I have at least 3 half siblings, that I know of. My mum...she drank, she gambled, she did anything she could to stop thinking, but only at night.

"In the morning, she was always there making breakfast, smiling. No one ever told anyone they loved them. My dad thought it was weak, and my mum...she loved my dad too much to love anyone else, even herself. Once a maid told me she loved me. I was about 10...she left the house pregnant and disgraced a couple of weeks later and I never saw her again. I used to hang out with all the bad boys, to try and anger my dad, try to try to shame my family, but it didn't work. He would say it was all them.

"So I started hanging out with women. All sorts of women, all the time. He eventually kicked me out...I thought that was the happiest day of my life. When I met...when I met your sister, she offered something I'd never had. Laughter, freedom, idle talk. I told her I loved her. I was desperate to know someone...wanted me. Needed me. But she didn't say it back. She'd get angry when I said it, said I didn't understand love. And maybe I didn't. If I had loved her, I would have stayed for her funeral.

"Then, every time someone said they loved me...I'd laugh. I could never love anyone. I didn't know what it was. I'd never had it, not really. Until one day...I saw you at work, trying to get a coffee stain out of your shirt. I would have been so angry with myself. You were laughing. I felt a funny feeling. It hasn't gone away. And it scares me."

"Why does it scare you?"

"I don't know what its' like. I don't know what to do, what to say, how to behave. I've already got it wrong and it's only been a few weeks."

Casey smiled at her, kissing her forehead. "Love is crazy like that. You never know what you'll do for someone else, how far you'll go, until you feel its depth and purity. Until it scares you to be without that person. Alex, no relationship is ever perfect. We both have demons and maybe we're...too scared to admit how much they affect us. You didn't really mess up. It - what happened - isn't easy to talk about. I think I was pushing too hard to try to get over it all at once now that I knew I didn't have to hide it and well...I'm sorry. I've just kept it locked up for so long..."

"You will...we will be ok, won't we?"

Casey nodded. "Sometime, yes, but, like I said, I don't expect it to be now. But someday...I would like to be able to talk openly and honestly about it. Is that too much to ask?"

Alex shook her head, and they lay in silence for a long time before Alex suddenly spoke softly, her voice tired but teasing. "No more kissing then? Do they sell Novak withdrawal patches at the chemist?"

Casey sighed, standing and pacing the room. "Alex... I need to be able to talk. She was my sister for God's sake!"

Alex bit her lip, fighting her instinct to go. "Sorry."

Casey nodded. "Do you just run at any sign of a fight?" she asked, walking back over and laying her hand on her leg. "Because I don't want our relationship to be like that. I want you to talk to me, tell me how you feel, even if you are angry. If you need time, take it, just tell me and...promise you'll come back."

Alex gave a small shrug, drawing a deep breath. "I...guess I'm my mother's daughter. Oblivion is easier than dealing with things."

Casey sat next to her. "Don't. Don't go there. Let me help you. Please...baby?" the last word was said so quietly it was barely heard.

Tears prickled Alex's eyes as she curled up against Casey, burying her face in her red locks.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: Eljh55, Madds21, Blitz1030, Lexie, iTrick, Nobo4life, Wigler, steple, Surfrider, Stussy, Mackster, Butterscotch, Tracer, Tripperz, LOCISVU & Cavak

217 for 13 chapters was awesome you guys! That's the most I've ever gotten! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	15. Escape the Cage

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 15: Escape the Cage**

They'd been at Alex's family home only an hour and, already, Casey wanted to leave. Alex's father was ignoring her, as were most of the people there. The only person who seemed to pay her any attention was Peter, and that was only to glare at her. Alex sat silently, playing with her food, her hand holding tightly to Casey's under the table.

Casey continued to eat silently. An idea struck. She glanced at Alex, who nodded and squeezed her hand. She cleared her throat. "I wonder how good the softball league is doing in my absence. They say I'm not too bad. Of course, it's a men's league. The women said I was too good to play. Not saying the men give me special treatment."

Several eyes turned to her, and the man next to her was the first to speak. "You play? Me too. Most of us here do, actually. We have a team. I'd like to see you play."

Casey smiled. "Well, it'd sure fill the time. How often do you play?"

"Every weekend and practice on Wednesdays. We are down a playing for the game this weekend, as a matter of fact, if you're game." He glanced at the others for approval, and they all nodded.

Peter glowered and returned to his food.

Alex's father gave her a long look before leaving the room silently and, after a moment, Alex squeezed Casey's hand and followed him.

Casey nodded. "I'd love to, but I haven't brought anything with me."

"I'm sure we have something to fit you."

* * *

In the front room, Alex's father waited until she had entered before closing the door.

She sighed. "What? Going to criticize me for bringing a friend to lean on?"

"I'm not stupid, Alexandra. Friends don't hold hands under the table. I invited you here under the understanding you wouldn't do any of that ...filth here."

She crossed her arms. "I haven't done anything! I'm...not doing so great. She offered to come help me through it. If she hadn't done that, I wouldn't have been able to stomach anything."

"You haven't spoken to your mother in years, how can you come here and say you're not doing so great? I lost a wife! You lost someone you barely knew and you came here to rub my face in something you know I hate!" His voice rose as he spoke.

"I have spoken to her! She just hadn't told you! I asked her not to because I knew you'd react this way! You're always putting me down! I hate it - even now. You wondered why I was so gun-ho about moving to New York? It was you! You and Peter both have no respect for me or Mom! How can you stand there and be upset for losing a shell? After so many years of holding it in, she cracked. She couldn't take being emotionless, a robot. That's what you did to me! That's why I can't be a normal human being! Do you just enjoy sucking the soul out of people you supposedly care about?"

His hand lifted to slap her, Casey was there to stop it.

Alex's jaw dropped. "Casey, wha-why?"

Casey stared, hard, at Alex's dad, still holding his wrist in her hand. "How dare you...preach about her doing something you think is filthy, yet you're happy to raise your hand to her? You're happy to let your son raise his hand to her?"

Alex grabbed her opposite hand. "Don't bother. He won't listen. He has no respect for women, even if they're family. Come on, let's grab our coats."

"You can't leave! People are expecting you to stay!"

She scoffed, turning to him. "Life sucks. Things aren't fair. Get used to it." She'd heard the phrase repeatedly as a child.

He stared at her for a long time before speaking in a low voice. "You're no longer welcome at the funeral."

She shrugged. "Fine, fine. I came to the house where I grew up, paid my respects to the broken home and dysfunction of this half-assed family. I have no need to go. Come on Case, let's go."

Casey hesitated staying in the room for several seconds after Alex had left, before following her out.

Alex sighed, leaning against the wall. "My friend and I are taking our leave. I apologize for anything you may have heard," she said, walking into the foyer.

Peter stood, getting their coats for them. No one spoke.

Alex left the house without putting her jacket on. Peter caught Casey's sleeve.

She turned. "Yes? Can I help you?"

"...look after her. She hates it around here." He spoke gruffly, avoiding her gaze.

"Well, pardon my saying so, but after how she's treated, who would like it around here? Can I ask you something?"

He stepped away. "...I need to get back..."

"If you love your sister, your mother, you would fight harder to keep Alex here," she said before walking toward Alex, who stood by the car.

Alex was feeling in her pockets for keys, tears obscuring her vision, but she was determined not to let them fall.

Casey walked up, wrapping her arm around her. "I'm sorry...I don't know what else I can say..."

Alex struggled away from her, pushing the keys into her hand. "Please. I need to get away. Please."

Casey looked at her, puzzled. "With me?"

Alex took a deep breath, gulping in the air. "Casey..."

She nodded, walking Alex around to the passenger side, helping her in and closing the door before getting in the driver's. She looked at her, grabbing her other hand. "I'm not leaving you, I promise," she said, squeezing her hand as she started the car. "Any special place you'd like to go?"

Alex shook her head, tears finally falling as they drove from the driveway.

Casey reached up and wiped them away. "We could go back to the hotel and I'll run you a nice hot, relaxing bath?"

This made Alex's tears heavier. "Does that mean you're g-going to leave? I ran you and b-bath and then I...I'm so sorry. They're horrible."

Casey pulled off on the side and killed the engine. She turned in the seat and pulled her as close as she could. "No, baby, no...no. I won't leave," she said, tears beginning to fall. "Shh, I promise. Don't worry about that, okay? I'll even get in with you if you'll feel better, so you know I'm not leaving. I'll try and make it ok."

Alex cried harder than she had before, the visit home bringing back so many memories.

Casey sat silently, rocking her slightly. "Sshh, I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry for you. Really."

Alex hiccupped, her hand holding to Casey's tightly. They sat by the side of the road for over an hour before Alex grew silent, he eyes drifting shut.

Gently, Casey rested her back in her seat, strapping her in, before starting the engine and driving back to the hotel.

* * *

Alex only woke when they reached the hotel and Casey shook her gently. "Are we home?"

"No baby, we're back at the hotel. Let's get upstairs into that nice warm bath, ok?"

Alex nodded, following Casey, not noticing the looks she got for her blotchy face and Casey's soaked shoulder.

Once they were inside the room, Casey sat her on the bed, kissing her forehead. "I'm gonna go start the water, ok? Or would you rather sleep?"

"Bath." Alex spoke, but followed Casey into the bathroom when she walked away.

Casey started the water, turning around, seeing her in the doorway. "Are you sure?"

Alex nodded once more.

Casey smiled, discarding her shoes and socks before her shirt and bra.

Alex did the same, slower, shivering a little as the cool air hit her

Casey walked closer. "You look divine, Baby. How 'bout a little more?"

A little smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. She pulled off her skirt and stood in her underwear.

Casey smiled wider, fanning herself. "Hottest. Hey look, the mirror's fogging up!"

Alex smiled wider, her eyes dropping as she undid her bra and slid off her knickers.

Casey's jaw dropped and she leaned on the counter, steadying her breathing. She was shaking. God, did she ever want to jump the blonde. But she knew she couldn't let herself. Still facing the mirror, she slid her slacks and boxers down, stepping out and kicking them to the side.

Alex stepped into the large bath, her eyes about to shut as the warmth washed over her, when suddenly she caught sight of Casey. Her hand involuntarily reached out and brushed against her side.

Casey stepped closer. "Sit up so I can hold you close."

Alex sat up, her eyes trained on Casey, her hand travelling slowly down her hip and then leg as she stepped into the water.

Slowly, Casey sat behind her, wrapping her arms around her. "Want to shut the water off?"

Alex turned her head, her lips opening a little, her eyes trained on Casey's lips.

Casey shook her head. "Water first. We, uh, don't want it to overflow, do we?"

Alex's eyes shut for a moment before she sat forward a little to turn off the taps.

Casey smiled, slyly. "Come back to me, baby. Come cuddle with me."

Alex lay back against her, her hand sliding to rest of Casey's thighs.

Casey moaned, grabbing her hand. "A-Alex! W-wait!"

Alex lifted her hands, splashing water on the floor in the process.

Casey smiled. "Just are you sure you want to...now?"

"...I just want to lie here and do what feels right."

Casey nodded, hugging her tightly. "...I love you..."

Alex's hands slowly slid into the water again, this time, resting on her own legs. She turned her head a little, looking into Casey's eyes. "I love you too."

Casey smiled, kissing her shoulder. "I really am sorry for today."

Alex pulled Casey's arms tighter around her and closed her eyes.

"Where are we?" she whispered. "Where do you want us to be?"

Alex reached her arms back, wrapping her arms around Casey's neck. "At home. Our home. We have a huge bath."

"What else?"

"..I can hear the fire crackling in the other room. Wind is howling outside, but we are safe and warm. Aside from the dangerously placed bottles that seem to be all over the bathroom in your apartment."

"Bottles?"

"When I went to the bathroom last week, I was almost knocked out by a bottle of conditioner that fell off the window sill." Alex's arms slid down, round Casey's neck, moving once more to her thigh0s.

Casey kissed her cheek. "Sorry about that. I buy a lot so I don't have to go shopping very often."

Alex gave a sigh, her eyes closing as she imagined doing something mundane like going to the supermarket with Casey.

Casey smiled. "Maybe we should get out before you fall asleep."

Alex nodded, but made no move to stand, her fingers idly brushing up and down Casey's legs

Casey's hands moved to grip the sides, but she found it was very hard to move with Alex still against her. "Alex really! We need to move."

Alex slid forward a little, allowing Casey to get out, and drew her arms around her knees, resting her head on them as she looked up at her.

Casey wrapped a towel around herself, turning back to her. "Come on," she said, holding out her hands, "come with me. It's gonna be okay."

Alex stood, allowing Casey to put a towel around her, but when Casey raised her head to speak, Alex placed a gentle kiss to her lips.

Casey kissed back, stepping backwards and helping her out before backing her against the counter.

Alex's hands found their favorite place, Casey's strong back, and caressed it, pulling her closer.

Casey moaned into her mouth, feeling Alex's hands pulling the towel away. Gently, she let go of the towel, her hands rubbing Alex's bare upper back.

Alex spoke her name softly, and then suddenly the moment seemed to disappear as she rested her head on Casey's shoulder and whispered, "I love you."

Casey leaned her head on top of hers, holding her tightly. "I love you too. Should we go slip into warm clothes?"

Alex nodded, following Casey and allowing her to help her dress, her thoughts clearly somewhere else.

Casey pulled a pair of boyshorts on her, underneath a pair of jeans and a long shirt. "Just in case," she said, kissing her cheek. "We don't want someone to stop by and have us dressed like we're ready for bed." Casey discarded her towel, pulling on underwear and sweats.

Alex gave a nod, sitting on the bed, pulling her knees up once more before startling Casey by asking loudly, "Do you want to go out?"

Casey sat beside her. "I...wasn't planning on it, but if you want to go eat something, I can change."

"Out out. To a club or a bar or something. Somewhere the air is thick with smoke and the music is so loud you can't think."

Casey thought a moment. "Alex, drowning out everything won't help this. Besides...I'm not that enthused about everyone who'll try to throw themselves at you. I'll go...if you want me to."

Alex stood, determined. "I'll call a cab."

Casey wrapped her arms around her. "Alex... I didn't mean that I don't want to go. I want to do whatever you want to, but I just don't think it's a good idea to go when you're this upset."

"We have nothing else to do here, might as well show you around before we leave." In her voice, Casey could hear the walls being built again.

Casey held her tighter. "Alex, please don't shut me out! I know you're...shaken. Talk to me. Please!"

"I can show you where I used to hang out when I was younger. It will be fun."

Casey shook her head. "Yeah, and build up the walls that I've just broken down," she said with a sigh. "What are you really afraid of? Going back there will cause you pain, baby. I don't want to do that...unless there's no other way to get through to you, but I hope there is."

Alex didn't seem to hear Casey, or didn't want to hear her, as she reached for the phone.

Casey sighed. "Fine, you don't want me here or in your life? Fine." But even as she said it the pain broke through. "Alex, please, don't do this! I'm sorry!"

Casey's words broke through her fog, and the Alex's hand shook, the receptionist repeating the greeting down the line again.

"Alex, hang up the phone," Casey said, sitting on the bed. "Come here."

She stood, torn. She was so used to running, ignoring, pretending not to care. The emotions that were flowing through her were making her so tired she wondered whether...her eyes met Casey's, and her doubt vanished. As the receptionist spoke tersely once more, Alex hung up the phone.

Casey opened her arms. "You don't need to run from me, sweetie. Take my shoulder to cry. I-I know you're not used to it, but it'll get easier with time."

Alex walked towards her slowly, then let Casey fold her arms around her. Maybe this was her new way to escape the world. Safe, here with Casey stroking her hair gently. Slowly, her tears began to fall.

Casey held her tightly. "That's it. Let it go. Here, they can't hurt you. Here, you're safe. It's okay to cry. It's okay." She kissed her cheek. "I love you."

After a long time, they lay in the bed, curled up together. Alex wasn't sure when Casey had started crying but she could feel the dampness on her face. She curled tighter into her. "Tell me about your sister."

She nodded. "What about her?"

"Whatever you want to."

"Well, let's see...she hated the blonde stereotype, but sometimes it was true for her. She used to wish she could've gotten away like I had, but her grades and attention were never there for it. She...loved people. Just loved. I-I miss that."

"I remember once a homeless man grabbed my leg to get my attention. I was all for getting him arrested for assault, but she took him for lunch. Every day until he got a job."

"Really? She never told me," Casey said, smiling. "What else do you remember?"

"She had a whole wall at her place covered in family photos and some of your artwork from when you were at school. I only went there once, but that looked like the only room she used. There was a kitchen that was too dirty for anything, her bedroom, and...and down the hall there was a room with a sign on it that said 'Casey's room'. She had a room for you. I remember asking who it was. She got angry and never invited me back again."

She sighed. "Probably because, after I went to law school, we drifted, but..." her voice began to break, "but just knowing that...I-I feel better somehow...l-like she never forgot about me," she said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"She was always asking me what law school was like. Was it tough, did I have enough money? I thought she was thinking about going. I guess she wanted to know how you were doing."

"B-but y-you didn't know me..."

"...but I suppose she thought I might know a little about what you were going through."

She nodded. "That's true. Hey Alex? I-if you really want to show me something you can. I just didn't want you going places that only hurt you..."

Alex's hand played with Casey's a moment, before she moved from her grasp. "Wash your face. I'll get out some clothes and call a cab."

Casey sat up, kissing her shoulder. "If we're going out, you might want to change."

"That's why I said I'll get out some clothes, silly. You're the only one I'd let see me dressed like this."

Casey walked over, wrapping her arms around her gently. "I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better, Lex."

"Wash your face. Now. Before I do it for you." Alex tapped her on the bum, pushing her towards the bathroom.

Casey took the hint, walking into the bathroom to wash her face and apply a fresh layer of makeup. By the time she walked back out, Alex was dressed in dark-wash jeans and a blue t-shirt, facing the window as Casey pulled her hair back. "You look ready for a night on the town," she said, a smirk playing on her features.

"Hoping to snag," when she turned and saw the expression on Casey's face, she gave a half smile and added, "a certain redhead."

Casey walked over. "Well, I like it, so who else's head are you trying to turn?"

Alex gave a full smile, moving from her reach to use the bathroom. "You'll see."

* * *

Casey was used to all eyes being on Alex, but tonight was different. She knew all eyes were on the blonde, but she didn't mind, because Alex seemed to have only eyes for her, and kept bumping into people because she was distracted by Casey. They were sitting at a bar, and Casey was sipping from a glass of wine, surveying the room, very aware Alex was watching her lips closely.

"So...how many people know you in here?"

"Ah...know or KNOW?"

Casey raised a brow. "Just know, like know your family. I...don't think I care to find out how many people KNOW you in here, seeing as how many women are staring with a hungry look."

"Probably most of them know my family. And I'm a little disappointed you're not one of those women."

"What? Why? I mean, I could, easily, but I just didn't know if it was right seeing as why we _used_ to be here," she said, resting a hand on her knee under the bar, "I'm sorry."

Alex smiled at her. "It's okay, I just wanted to see you blush." She reached down, clasping Casey's hand, and was just kissing her knuckles when Peter came into view.

Casey rested their hands on top of the bar, looking at her half-filled glass of wine before taking another sip and, generously, gesturing for him to sit. She tried to pull her hand from Alex's, but she wouldn't let her.

"What do you want?" She spoke shortly.

He glanced towards Casey, offering her a small smile.

Casey smiled, rubbing Alex's hand. "What brings you in here?"

"Just thought Alex might be here. She used to hang around here. Had a fake ID." He seemed to think it was safer to talk to Casey, and by the look on Alex's face, it was.

Alex was gripping her hand tighter and tighter, but Casey just clasped it in both of hers, reassuringly. "Is...there a reason you came to find her?"

"I think...you two should come and stay at the house. Dad was just angry, he's settled down now. It's not right you staying in a hotel when we have such space."

Alex looked at him, scoffing. "Why bother? He's not fond of me. Never has been since I... I think Casey and I are 'safer' staying at the hotel. He's never reacted well whenever I..."

Casey took a chance, "Brought 'friends' home?"

Alex nodded. "He's very against it. Phobia you could say. So why would I want to subject myself to put downs and physical slaps to the face?"

After a quiet pause, peter finally turned to look at Alex. "Please? For me?"

"For you?" she laughed. "Why should I? I never, ever thought you would do that to your sister, but hey, you proved me wrong."

He turned to look at Casey again, his eyes begging her.

Casey kissed her hand. "Come on, Alex. You two grew up together and just lost a...vital member of the family. With...how stern your father seems to be, I'm sure your brother would appreciate the support."

Alex looked at him. "Fine. For you...and Mom. BUT you have to help me defend Casey."

"Defend?"

Alex nodded. "Yes. There's a...reason she was never invited to my house. Our father...well, the last time he saw her, even on the lawn, he chased her away with a pistol and his bare hands. You need to stick with me, okay?"

She nodded, hiding some of the fear at what her sister probably went through. "Sh-she told me. A-about that I-I just didn't know you were—"

Peter looked at Casey a moment, looking puzzled, then his face seemed to clear. "Charlie was your sister?"

Gripping Alex tighter, she nodded. "Yes."

He nodded, as if that explained something. "Well, I have the car out front. Do you want me to drive you back to the hotel?"

Casey looked back at Alex. "What do you think? Should we go back and try to salvage the rest of this night?"

Alex tightened her jaw and looked almost sulky. She looked between them a moment before huffing, "fine."

Casey pulled her hand away. "I-I'm sorry i-if I said something wrong..."

Alex just stood to pull her coat on. In the car, she barely spoke, and by the time they reached their hotel room to pack, she had called Casey Novak twice.

* * *

Casey put her key into the lock and twisted, opening as she walked in with Alex following her. Closing the door with a sigh, she leaned against it. "Do I, at least, get to know what I said? And, please, stop calling me by last name."

Alex just began walking around the room, collecting her things and pushing them angrily into her suitcase.

Casey walked into the bathroom, collecting her things and put them in her suitcase. "Alex."

Alex finally stopped, turning to look at her. "What?"

Casey jumped back, defeated and hurt, going over to sit on the bed, tears gleaming as she walked away.

Alex was silent for a moment, before she sat, gently, on the floor. "The house...my family, they're so...tainted with bad memories and hatred...and you're...so perfect and full of love and I don't want you to get...touched by the badness."

Casey stayed silent, not seeming to hear her as she pulled her legs up.

Alex sat for a moment longer before zipping up her case. Without looking at her, she said quietly, "I'll see you back in New York, ok?"

Casey looked up. "S-So y-you don't w-want me anymore?" she cried.

"I don't want you to have to stay in the same house as my father."

"Bu-but y-you'll be there! I don't want to be where you're not! I just—Alex, I need you! Please! I-I can't have you leave me too! Not you!"

Alex shut her eyes, cursing the fact Casey managed to knock down her walls so easily. A second later, she was by her side, kissing her cheeks, her hand stroking the hair she loved. "Shh. I'm not leaving you. I'm just...you've met him, heard what he's said. I don't want you have to listen to that."

Casey leaned into her. "But I will. For you."

Alex looked down at her a moment before nodding, then dropped a kiss to her head. "Maybe we can bring a bit of love to the house at last, huh?"

She nodded. "Maybe. I didn't want you to have to go back alone," she said, wrapping her arms around her.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: Eljh55, steple, Surfrider, Stussy, Mackster, Blitz1030, Tracer, LOCISVU, Wigler, Tripperz, iTrick, Cavak, Madds21, Butterscotch, Lexie & Nobot4life

_**Note:** To those reading "Love's Dangerous Complications" (which is the sequel to "A Love that Melts the Heart" which is the continuation of "Absent Love") the last chapter is slowly dripping off of my fingers. It's hard to see it end, but there will be another after that which may be the most intense yet._

233 for 14 chapters was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	16. Allies

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 16: Allies**

The entire ride over, Casey sat next to Alex in the back, holding her hand tightly and laying her head on her shoulder, trying not to let her trembling limbs affect Alex.

"You're really…frightened aren't you?" Alex asked, catching Peter's eyes from the rear-view mirror. "You didn't have to come."

She shook her head, remaining silent, tears beginning to form.

Alex noticed the change in her breathing. "Casey, I promise I won't let anything happen to you. I swear."

"L-like y-you promised h-her?"

Peter sighed. "Nothing happened to her, Casey. Dad just scared her off. I'm sure she would've loved to see the inside of the house like you'll get to."

Alex raised a brow. "You were there? Why didn't you—"

"All right. I was young and stupid and, maybe, somewhere, in the back of my mind, I was hoping she'd come crying to me, but from how Casey's defended you, shown respect...I'll make up for it starting today." He winked at Casey. "You'll see. I'm not the heartless bastard you first met. I only did that because if our father had seen—"

"—Not only would I have been slapped, but you may have gotten something as well," Alex finished.

"And you were giving me a glare earlier because…?"

He bit his lip. "For show. I knew you cared for her the second you pulled her away, but I still wasn't too sure, but after the argument…"

"You saw her protect me?" Alex asked.

He nodded. "Whether you believe it or not, Lexie, I know you're not made of stone and you are right. Because of how we were raised he expects us to be…well, robots, but we're not."

"Lexie?" Casey asked with a grin.

Alex sighed, rubbing her temples. "_Only_ his. Has been since we were kids. If anybody else tried, I usually didn't respond."

"What did…Charlie call you?"

Alex wrapped her arms around her. "Lex, but I never called her Charlie. I loved the name Charlotte. She said I was the only one who was allowed to call her by that."

Casey smiled. "Yeah, she usually wasn't too fond of it, but the way you say it—"

"Charlotte…" she repeated, rolling the "r", causing Casey to lean into her.

"Yeah, like that. Sounds safe."

Alex smiled, watching the tree line fly by for a bit. "I don't…miss this place, but, at the same time, the good memories that I have are there too. It's an odd feeling."

"Why?" Casey asked.

"Our mother was...encouraging, strong in our presence. I think I was the one who noticed it was for show the most."

"Hey! I did too!" Peter said. "But I agree. Most of our good memories are with Mom, not Dad."

Casey sat up. "Alex, your dad doesn't approve of you being with women, but did your mom...even understand it?"

Alex sighed, her hand playing with Casey's hand for a moment before answering softly. "Not...until recently."

"What do you mean? Did you tell her about me?"

Alex nodded, glancing shyly at her.

"What did you tell her? What did she ask? Did she...seem to like me?"

"I told her..." Alex suddenly seemed shy, looking up towards her brother to make sure he wasn't listening, her voice lowering. "I told her I was in love. That I thought I'd done something really stupid and that you weren't going to forgive me. I showed her a photo. She looked at it for a long time then she asked if I thought you felt the same. I said you did. She said I was lucky then she said you would give me another chance. To just be patient."

"When was this?"

Alex didn't reply again for a few seconds, then said softly. "The day before she died."

Casey wrapped her arm around her. "I'm sorry." Then she hesitated. "What's going to happen when he sees me again?"

Alex turned her head to look out the window once more, and it was Peter who answered. "He could be really nice. If he is, that's probably worse. He might ignore you, or he might kick off. Whatever he does, follow our lead."

Casey nodded. "I just...with what I see on a daily basis and how he reacted, I'm kinda..."

Peter glanced at her in the rear-view mirror. "Kinda what?"

She waved him off. "You don't know who we deal with, do you?"

"No. Alex has never talked about her work."

"You mean, we've never talked. Period. You've never asked, either." Her defensive voice was back.

"Alex," Casey said softly. "Forget I said that, okay?"

"He won't do anything. To you. He's not stupid." Her words were meant to be reassuring, but as they pulled up outside the large house and Casey saw the tall man standing on the front step, they made her feel worse.

Casey leaned into her, her head in Alex's neck. "Still don't feel safe."

Alex turned her head and dropped a subtle kiss to Casey's head. "I'll look after you. I promise."

Casey sighed, nodding. "Well, okay."

Getting out of the car, Peter got their bags for them. His father stood there, arms folded, and stared at Casey. "Back again?"

She nodded, looking at Alex's with nervous, scared eyes.

"...You do realize this is my house, and you need my say so to stay here?"

"Your son invited _us_ – me and Alex – to stay, but yes, I am aware of that."

"Well, are you going to ask me, politely, if you can stay?"

She nodded, folding her hands in front of her. "Mr. Cabot, may I please stay for the week to help comfort your daughter in this unexpected, tremendous tragedy?"

"She left, 10 years ago, and hasn't spoken to her mother since. Why would this be such a tragedy for her?"

"She was still her mother. Anyone in the immediate family would be extremely affected by this. Maybe she...just wanted to sort her life out before coming back."

As he opened his mouth to speak again, a woman approached with a smile on her face. "I was so sorry to hear about your wife. I just got back into town. Is there anything, anything at all I can do for you?"

In front of Casey's eyes, the strong man in front of her sunk and became a grieving widow, playing up from the woman, tears shining in his eyes as he sung his wife's praises, even managing to get his voice to quiver.

Peter stood at her elbow and spoke softly. "This is the husband and father everyone else sees. Come inside, I'll show you Alex's old room. I don't know where she's gone."

Casey nodded, waiting until the door was closed before asking, "He has two sides to him?"

"Sort of. A bit...well, I suppose a bit like Alex and I. We all have the side we show the outside world, and the side we show, in some cases the people we love...in his case...I guess the people he thinks will tolerate it the most." He led her up a long staircase.

She nodded. "This house...inside its so elegant and beautiful."

"And cold. Have you noticed? Alex always used to wear about 5 pairs of socks all the time." He stopped outside a door and hesitated. "I think...she used this room to shock my parents. And neither of them wanted to go in it after she left, so it's a bit...ah...weird..."

She raised a brow. "Shocked? Why? What's in there?"

He gave an amused smile before pushing open the door. Just about every bad teenage thing you could think of was in there. From the elegance of the rest of the house, it took a moment for her to adjust. The walls were striped with black and lime green, but were mostly covered in scribbles or badly spelt swear words. There were photos and posters of naked women on every wall, a smashed mirror that looked like it had been covered in lipstick kisses, and giant speakers were hanging dangerously from the ceiling.

Casey smiled. "I...think you're right. Though some aspects are appealing."

He glanced in it, wrinkling his nose. "I think I can still smell the stink bombs she used to leave in there when she went out so my parents wouldn't go in. Although it's probably just memory. You can stay in there, or you can have one of the guest rooms."

She sighed. "I'll take a guest room..."

He nodded, shutting the door and leading her further along the passage. "This was the room mum used when-" He stopped outside the door when he saw Alex sitting on the bed. "I'll ah...leave you two and go and make some...tea or something."

"Wait, Peter!"

He stopped, looking back at her.

She stepped up. "Are you...well..." she sighed, hugging him tightly."I'm so sorry. I promise to help Alex as best I can."

He gave a small smile. "She'll be ok. She always is."

"She also puts up an excellent front," she said with a smile, letting go and knocking on the frame.

Alex didn't look up, but gave a sniff. "Casey?"

Casey walked in, sat beside her, and rested her hand on her leg. "Yes, baby. Tell me, what can I do?"

"Whatever I do...whatever I say...promise me we will never leave each other without sorting out a fight again?"

Casey sat on her knees, taking Alex's hands in hers. "Alex, I promise I will always do my very best to make you happy, no matter what. I'll love you with everything I have and more. If you have a problem, talk to me. A challenge you need help overcoming, I'm there. Listen to me. I love you with everything I am. I don't like fighting with you. When you cry, it breaks my heart and I'll always do my best to make those tears stop, whatever it is. I promise I will never, ever, EVER leave you. You came into my heart, made me see more than I ever thought possible and...Alex, I don't want to lose you. When you walked out, half my heart, my soul, went with you."

Alex curled up against her, closing her eyes, and gradually, the pounding of her head and the tears that had been threatening stopped.

Casey sat on the bed, pulling Alex into her arms, rocking gently. "You're safe," she whispered again and again.

Alex slowly fell asleep, and by the time Peter came in to say his father had gone to bed, Alex was fast asleep, her head in Casey's lap.

Casey smiled. "Well, this is healing, but now what do I do? Your dad would probably hurt me if he found me in bed with her..." she whispered.

"He wouldn't. He doesn't hurt people. Physically. Well, except family. He wouldn't dare touch you, even if he wanted to. But I don't know if it's the best idea for you to stay in here. There's another room across the hall." As if she knew what they were talking about, Alex gave a sigh, her arms tightening around Casey for a moment.

Casey nodded. "Alex, sweetie, you gotta wake up," she whispered, shaking her gently. "Did you mean me or us?" she asked, looking at him.

"You."

Alex's arms tightened once more. "Get someone else to sign the warrant," she mumbled.

"Alex, you need to move so I can go to bed."

"Mmm-hmm, bed. Love you," she mumbled once more, her arms still holding tightly.

Peter gave a smile. "She's always been a deep sleeper."

Casey sighed. "I wish I...could stay, but it'll never go over."

"You get up, I'll hold her arms." Peter stepped forward.

"Here, take her a second and I'll pull the covers back. You don't mind discarding her socks and shoes for her?"

Peter looked hesitant, but nodded. A few minutes later, they had her tucked in, hugging a pillow and telling it how much she loved it. Peter stood back with a smile. "Think she'd kill me if I took a video?"

Casey smiled. "I would," she said laughing.

He was about to take out his phone when Alex gave a giggle. "Casey, not in the office."

Peter's eyes opened wide. "Wow. TMI. I'm off to bed. You're room is directly opposite this one. Door's open."

She smiled sheepishly. "Good night."

He left the room in a rush, leaving them alone once more. Alex gave a long sigh, then wriggled a little, before giving another giggle. "I love you too."

Casey smiled, suddenly feeling exhausted and yawning before slipping into the room across the hall and under the covers.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

_Warning: The next chapter will contain Adult Content._

Review **thanks **to: CaseLex-4-ever, eljh55, Surf rider, Stussy, Wigler, steple, Lexie, Nobot4life, Madds21, Cavak, Blitz1030, Tripperz, iTrick, Butterscotch, Mackster, Tracer & LOCISVU

250 for 15 chapters was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	17. Show Don't Tell

**Warning:** This chapter contains nudity and sexual content.

* * *

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 17: Show Don't Tell**

Casey was woken early the next morning by something cold. She couldn't work out what it was and struggled to wake up properly then saw a flash of blonde hair as Alex slipped in next to her.

She groaned, shivering. "C-c-cold!"

Alex pulled the covers over them once more then wrapped her arms and legs around Casey.

Casey sighed. "Ah, much better. Why are you in here? You father's going to flip."

"He's gone out...hunting." Alex's warm legs pressed against Casey's cold ones.

She sighed. "For how long?"

"Hours, probably." Alex dropped a kiss to Casey's neck. "You're freezing."

She nodded. "Mhm, care to help me warm up? Is it always freezing in this house?"

"Mhm, but somehow I don't think you'd approve of the way I usually warm up."

"Oh?" she asked, rolling over to face her. "Try me."

"I get naked."

"Uh, why? Wouldn't that just make you colder?"

"Not if we...ah...snuggle."

"Bu-but th-that's kinda dangerous for us, isn't it?"

"Used to make it kinda enjoyable."

She raised a brow. "What are you talking about?"

Alex was silent for a few seconds, her fingers stroking gently up and down the outside of Casey's leg. "Nothing."

"No, tell me. I, honestly, don't understand what you mean...but that doesn't mean I'm not up to the idea of snuggling sans clothes."

Alex was silent for a short while again, then spoke hesitantly. "I want...I want...I need to show you. How I feel. I can say it, but not right, not how I need to, not yet. I want to show you what you mean to me."

Her jaw hung. "...You mean? Alex! Here? I don't want you to get hurt again!"

"Ok." Alex closed her eyes and curled up.

"Wait, wait...you're dropping it? Just like that?" She bit her lip. "Your brother...uh...showed me your 'other' room."

"If you don't want to, it's ok."

Casey shook her head. "Baby, look at me."

Alex lifted her head, barely able to see her in the darkness.

"Sweetie, I do want to, but...you're still in so much pain. Do you really want that to be the cause of it? I know you love me, and you wanting to show me is, I think, the sweetest way anyone's ever said it to me. If you want to, really want to..."

"My pain is not the reason I want to...well, maybe it is, but it's because I don't want anything to happen without you understanding I don't want to miss a single moment with you."

Casey pulled her close. "I don't want to miss a moment either, but I am still really cold. What do you say we go back to that nice little restaurant when we get home? Have a bottle of wine, maybe go 3/4 of the way before we catch a cab back to your place..."

"Well...you did enjoy that last time..."

Casey smiled. "God, I wish you would've just..."

"Just...what?" Alex asked, her warm breath tickling Casey's ear.

She moaned. "Taken me right there in the alley. I wouldn't have cared. It felt so good! You felt so good!"

"Casey, you were scared of all the dirt, you made me push you up against the cleanest bit of wall you could see and you even wiped that with your coat." Alex smiled.

"But I still loved it! Mmmm, if you would've just kept it up, I would've orgasmed so hard right there..."

"So you ah...like this then do you?" Alex's hands returned to where they were that night, one pressed to Casey's back, pulling their bodies closer together, one stroking the inside of her thigh.

Casey giggled then it turned into a moan. "Alex...oh God!"

Alex's hand moved higher, sliding into Casey's pajama pants, her lips sucking and biting Casey's neck.

Casey's breath hitched in her throat, pulling Alex closer, needing contact. "Alex..."

Alex's lips hit hers, the warmth of her body warming Casey's.

Casey's hands slid under the back of Alex's shirt. She was so warm. Casey kissed harder, tongue licking Alex's lips, asking for entrance.

Alex slid her hand under Casey's top, her warm hand running over her stomach, but before Casey could get the type of kiss she craved, Alex slid down a little, moving slowly under the covers, her hand still resting warmly on Casey's middle.

"What are you—?"

Alex answered her by dropping a soft kiss to her abdomen, then trailed them lower.

Casey pulled her shirt over her head, putting it beside her under the covers. "I-is th-th - oh God - th-is better?" she stuttered out, a moan coming from every muscle Alex touched.

Alex looked up, running her hands along her bare stomach, kissing downward.

Casey moaned, feeling Alex slide her pajama bottoms off of her, and run her finger along her wet clit. She sucked in a breath. "Alex!"

"Well, you're eager," she said, finger circling the nerve bundle. "And so wet." She kissed right between Casey's legs, sucking on the nerves.

Casey's hips bucked into her. "Screw taking time. W-we can d-do that in N-New Y-York!" she panted.

Alex poked her head out from under the covers, smiling. "Good because I'm going by feel, not sight," she said, before taking on of Casey's buds into her mouth and sucking on it, making them both moan. She continued a few seconds before doing the same with the other.

"A-Alex, please!"

"Please what? What do you want me to do?"

As Casey stuttered, trying to tell her, Alex locked their fingers together. "Trust me. Tell me."

She took a deep breath. "Kiss me everywhere you can reach!"

Alex did as she asked, keeping their hands tightly entwined, murmuring Casey's name every few seconds.

Casey pulled their hands up above the covers, sighed as she felt little caresses from Alex touch every spot. "You know, I still have one article of clothing on..."

"You can take it off, if you like..." Alex slid back up Casey's body, kissing as she went.

Casey shrugged, hooking her thumbs under the sides of her string bikini and sliding it off, before placing it beside her. She cleared her throat. "Please! Please keep going!"

Alex nodded, sliding back over Casey, kissing her nipples, pulling a bit, hearing Casey gasp. She smiled. Then she found a soft spot on her neck, kissing and sucking on it, making Casey grope her back, pinching her skin. Alex pulled back, taking Casey's face in her hands, and kissed her passionately. Casey moaned, once again, licking Alex's lips for entrance.

"You sure you want this?" Alex asked quietly, her hand once more brushing Casey's thighs.

Casey moaned for her, pulling her close. "I thought this was y-your idea!"

As Alex's fingers moved, she captured the redhead's lips once more.

Casey's hands trailed down her back, as she moaned into her mouth before her hands came back up and got tangled in her long hair. She was just so warm and it felt so good. She never wanted it to stop.

Alex's hands found their way under Casey's back and her knee pressed up against her clit, making her gasp, kiss harder and moan Alex's name. She didn't want to give out, not now. She turned her head. "Y-you've got to m-move your leg," she panted.

"Wh-why?" Alex asked by her ear just as breathless.

"B-because I don't want to come there!"

"Oh?" she asked. "Then where? I can feel you're not much longer."

"F-fingers!" gasped out.

Alex did as she asked, murmuring her love for Casey into her lips.

Casey's breathing became erratic as Alex thrust her fingers to and from her core, her body shaking, hands gripping her shoulders, tearing up. "I-I can't...hold on! Damn It! Alex!" she screamed into her mouth, giggling after she got the breath and feeling Alex's pull her fingers out, never breaking the kiss.

When they finally parted, Alex smiled down at her, giving a breathless laugh.

"Wh-what?" Casey asked as Alex laid her head on her chest.

"I wasn't sure anything could top that alley way but that...that did."

Casey nodded. "Yeah, that did, baby," she said, wrapping her arms around her. "And I love you even more."

Alex dropped a gentle kiss to her nose. "I don't think it's possible to love you even more."

"Ah, wait 'til I pay you back. Now will you please help me get dressed again? As wonderful as that was, I'm still freezing! Unless you, uh, wanted to join me, at least in the clothes aspect."

Alex grinned and disappeared under the covers to dress her, leaving her squirming and moaning once more.

The door suddenly flew open, illuminating Peter in the doorway. "Casey? Are you ok?"

Trying to regain some dignity, she nodded. "Yes why?"

"I thought you were having a nightmare or something. I just came to tell you, you should get up soon. Dad will be back shortly, so if you wanted to have a shower..."

"Oh, yes, th-that would be nice. I'll uh - I'll have Alex show me where it is when she gets up."

She felt Alex giggle against her leg and drop a kiss to her thigh.

"Ok. I'll be downstairs." He gave a wave and closed the door.

Casey pushed the covers back. "Okay, out of bed. I need a shower to impress your Daddy Dearest before he gets home," she said, sitting up.

Alex sat back on her heels, grinning. "Ok, whatever you say."

Casey pulled on her shirt and pants, walking over to dig in her suitcase for fresh clothes before turning back around. "Care to lead me to the bathroom?"

Alex nodded, still grinning widely

"What?"

"Nothing." Alex took her hand and led her to the bathroom, showing her the towels.

Ten minutes later when Alex finally left Casey alone in the bathroom, she was grinning as widely as Alex.

* * *

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	18. Safe Place

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 18: Safe Place**

Casey sat comfortably beside Alex on the couch, with Peter on Alex's other side. They were showing her a photo album so Casey knew a little more about their mother. The next picture showed Alex at about 10, her hair in a braid, holding a sparkler on, what Casey guessed, was a Fourth of July celebration. The sky was dark, Alex's face barely illuminated by the flashes of light. "That's a wonderful picture," she said. "You look so happy."

Alex nodded, her hand holding Casey's a little tighter. Peter turned the page, pointing out Alex in the next photo, towards the back, trying secretly to take a sip of wine when no one was looking.

Casey smiled. "How old were you?"

"About...10. It tasted horrible, but Peter dared me, so I did it. I got his pocket money for a month."

She looked to Peter. "How much?"

"50 bucks. She deserved it though. She got in so much trouble when mom saw this photo. Got a really long lecture about alcohol."

"And she should've! She's lucky she didn't like it...too many underage kids waste their lives on it. Not to mention countless adults. Alex," she said softly, "your mother...can I see what she looked like?" she asked, holding her hand tightly.

Peter flipped a few pages in the album, and had just landed on a photo of her mother when the book was ripped from his hands. "What the hell do you think you're doing? This is a family album. For family members to view!" Alex's father loomed over them.

Alex stood her eyes furious. "As far as I'm concerned, _father_, Casey is family! _My_ family!"

Casey's heart beat a little faster.

"She came out here to support me because she knew I would have a hard time."

"And who said you're family? You gave up that right when you left without telling your mother where you were going!"

"She knew where I was. Hell, Peter knew where I was! I made sure they knew because I knew they would worry! They care about me as a person, who I am under all this hated and masks that you've forced on me over the years! _'No child of mine is going to cry over a bee string! No child of mine will fail. If they do, I'll teach them a lesson!'_ You never let me just be me! I had to be your perfect image! But you know what? I'm not you. But my last name is still your legacy! I ran from all this negativity and made a name for myself as an ADA - a name you said no woman could have with authority! Well, guess what? I made my life my own and finally, because of Casey, I am someone you'll never take the time to understand. I love, I want to be loved, cherished. Certainly something you've never valued!"

His open palm connected with her cheek before anyone could stop him, and she sunk a little, her face turning to Casey.

Peter stood, pulling the album from his hands as Alex's head rested in Casey's neck, hiding the stinging tears and she held her close, not daring to make eye contact. "You can deny it all you want, Dad, but Alex came back here to show her respect, her human side to your wife. If you hate it fine, but deal with it on your own time. They took a risk coming back up here and its quite admirable. Now, don't you have some planning to do?" he asked, his eyes fiery, daring him to be slapped.

He stared at his son silently for what seemed like hours before he finally stalked from the room. Peter stood looking at Alex, his hands hanging uselessly by his side.

Casey gestured for him to sit again, rubbing Alex's back. "Thank you, Peter. Alex, do you want Peter to show some and you can just sit in my lap for a bit?"

Alex sat and was silent while peter continued to show Casey photos, but Casey could feel her shaking.

Casey kissed her head. "It's okay. You're safe."

Peter watched the barriers around his sister's heart seem to melt, resting a hand on her leg. "She's right, Lexie." He cleared his throat. "Now, where were we?"

"A picture of your mother... but if it's too much I understand."

He showed her the same photo he'd been about to show her before they'd been interrupted and began describing how he remembered her when they were younger.

Suddenly Alex stood, wiping her eyes. "I'm umm...going to go for a walk." Before anyone could speak, she was gone.

When Casey went to stand, Peter put a hand on her knee. "Leave her for a bit."

"But your father..."

"She'll have somewhere he doesn't go. I'll show you in a while. Now, how about photo's of Alex when she was about 15?"

She nodded. "Sure. Hey, um, Peter?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you know my sister at all? Did she...make her happy?"

"...I only saw her a couple of times. She was...caught up in her own world. Alex was...she wanted something from her she couldn't give."

She sighed. "Yeah, I um, have a feeling I know exactly what that was. She's uh...told me a little about her past. She says I'm different. I believe her, I do. Alex is wonderful, but...there's going to be part of me waiting for pain. Whenever I'm around her it goes away, but when she leaves... God, I'm sorry. Here I am spilling my guts to you, who probably doesn't want to know all this."

"..If it helps, I've never seen her like she is with you. I've never seen her so relaxed and willing to open up."

"Really? All I ever want is for her to be happy. I just hope it's always with me. Now, enough rambling, where are those pictures?"

He showed her the photos, and just as they were about to finish the album, Alex walked back in, her eyes red rimmed

"Come to sit?" Casey asked, opening her arms.

Peter stood as Alex sat down. "I'm going to ah...go and ..." Without finishing his sentence, he left the room.

Alex curled against Casey, dropping a kiss to her hand. "Can I tell you something?"

Casey nodded, wrapping her arms around her. "Anything."

"...When I went outside, I went to the place I always used to go to when I was upset. I used to sit there and wait. Wait until I was sure I could come back in here without my mask slipping so no one would know I'd ever been upset. But when I sat there...I just thought...I didn't need to be there anymore. I could come in here, and I could cry all over you if I wanted to and you wouldn't mind."

Casey hugged her tighter. "Do you need to? You always can. Now and forever. I've got you."

Alex kissed her gently, a small smile on her face. "I know. And I can't think of anything that would have made my mother happier than knowing I have what she always searched for."

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

I know you guys have been waiting for this. We've been working on Where Love Grows Wild - which I will post the next chapter to in a few minutes - like crazy! Please check it out!

Review **thanks **to: Anon, Trek, Shippy, iTrick, Blitz1030, Tripperz, Butterscotch, Madds21, Nobot4life, Cavak, JeffHardyfan724, steple, Surfrider, Wigler, Lexie, Tracer, Mackster, tummer22, Stussy & LOCISVU

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**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	19. Soul

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 19: Soul**

Casey couldn't sleep.

She'd spent the day with Alex, going to a few spots no one else knew of, places where she felt sheltered and safe, the feeing intensified with Casey being there. She would explain the most intense memories, whether they were good or bad.

When they'd gotten back, her father was out – Alex said he had tended to go drink a bit when he was upset. They'd made a quick dinner, ate, and gone to bed, Alex not saying a word.

It was now three in the morning. Casey was woken up a high-pitched whine so she followed it.

She found Alex's father hunched over the photo album they'd been flipping through, tears falling onto the page. Alex was standing silently beside him, a hand on his shoulder.

Casey hesitated, wanting to help Alex, but wasn't too fond of what her father's response would be. She leaned in the doorframe, watching silently.

Alex seemed to sense her, and turned her head, looking at her with tears shining for a moment before asking in a quiet voice, "Would you mind...making a hot drink or something?"

She nodded. "Tea?" she asked quietly.

Alex nodded, before turning back to her father. When she entered the kitchen, she found Peter sitting in the dark, head down.

Casey walked over, switching the light on above the stove, searching the cupboards before finding the tea. Casey filled the tea kettle and placed it on the stove. She turned to Peter. "Would you like some tea? I'm making some for your sister and father."

He looked up at her blankly for a moment, then seemed to remember who she was. "I've never seen him cry before..."

"Everyone, if shaken enough, will show their true emotions."

He nodded, then looked down at the floor once more.

Casey searched for mugs for about fifteen minutes. When she found them, the kettle whistled. She sighed, taking it off and filling four cups, handing one to him and walking out with the others on a tray.

She stopped beside Alex, clearing her throat as two were taken and she sat a safe distance away.

Alex kept glancing towards her, as unsure as Peter about what to do, and she obviously seemed to think Casey was better at handling emotional situations as she gave her a begging look.

Casey set the cup on the coffee table inching closer, reaching for her hand. Though it looked like their father's emotional state wouldn't allow him to be abusive, she just wasn't sure. "H-hi," she whispered once she was closer to them.

He glanced up towards her but didn't seem to recognize her and looked back at the photo album. "She's gone! She's never coming back!"

Casey sighed. "Yes, but your son and daughter are still here. They love you. Why else would they come back here?"

"They don't love me! Nobody loves me! She was the only one who loved me and she's gone!"

Alex curled against Casey as he spoke.

Casey wrapped her arms around Alex as she spoke. "Yes, they do. They may not always agree with you, but they came back, to pay respect," she looked at Alex, "to help you because they know you're as heartbroken as they are."

He looked towards Alex, who managed a rather unconvincing nod, but he seemed to accept it and reached out for her hand. It took all her strength to let him take it.

Casey rested her head on Alex's shoulder. "Good girl," she whispered. "Peter?"

He stood behind her. Unable to bring himself to touch his father, he still managed a few kind words and slid the photo album from his lap. "Perhaps it's time to go to bed. We need to be up early, and Mom would like you to look your best."

Casey nodded. "Your son's right. We should all get some rest."

He seemed to decide Casey understood these things as well and nodded at her words, standing. He suddenly looked very small, shorter than his son who flinched when he put a hand on his shoulder. He made his way towards the stairs and walked silently up them.

Casey looked at Alex, her arms still around her. "I think we should go too. Tomorrow...won't be easy. W-" she choked a bit, "-would you like to stay with me for the night? To wrap my arms around you?"

Alex didn't reply, just turned her head to rest properly against Casey, closing her eyes and pulling her arms tighter around.

Casey wrapped her arms around her tighter. "I love you, Lex," she whispered before kissing her cheek.

They sat there for a long time, Alex unwilling to stand and lose the tight hold Casey had on her, and then unwilling to break the sleepiness that had suddenly taken a hold of her.

* * *

It seemed only a second after she'd closed her eyes that she as awoken by someone banging down the stairs, and she found herself covered by a thick blanket and Casey fast asleep, arms still tight around her.

Casey opened an eye. "Wh-who covered us?" she asked groggily, her arms still around Alex protectively.

"I think...Peter..." Alex looked nervously towards the stairs, then sat up when she saw her father appear.

Casey's arms wouldn't leave her, no matter what the circumstance, as she sat up too.

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and frowned at them, but instead of angry words, he said gruffly, "I can't find any ironed shirts."

"Have you looked in the closet?" Alex asked, standing up. "If one isn't there, I'm sure I could fix a couple for you." Normally, she wouldn't ask in a million years, but ironed shirts for an important event is what their mother always did. She figured what was said last night got through to him.

He nodded, then shook his head, then looked a bit confused. "I'll go and look."

Casey stood now too. "I suppose we should ready ourselves too. That is if you think you ever can be ready."

Alex turned to look at her and seemed about to say something, but instead gave a nod, and made her way slowly up the stairs.

Casey followed her, quickly taking her hand. "Sorry," she whispered, then sighed. "With all the mistakes I'll probably make on this trip we'll be right back to square one in New York," she said, letting go as she stopped beside the room. "Alex?"

She looked back.

"If you need any help, just come find me, ok?"

As Casey turned to go into the room, Alex stayed where she was. "Don't go!"

Casey turned back to her. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Alex nodded. "I don't...I can't...can you get out something for me to wear?"

Casey nodded. "Wait right there." She walked into the room and quickly grabbed a fresh change of clothes before walking out to Alex. She smiled lightly. "Lead the way."

After dressing in clothes that Casey picked out, and standing for over half an hour in her arms, Alex felt ready to go downstairs. By the time they reached the top of her stairs, her father, Peter, and several other family members were in the room.

Casey rested an arm around her shoulder. "I'm not going away. Shall we?" she asked holding out her hand.

Alex took her hand tightly, looked at her for reassurance, then made her way slowly down the stairs.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

If, by chance, this story does get taken down, I will post external links on my profile, so be on lookout.

Review **thanks **to: tummer22, eljh55, Stussy, Wigler, Madds21, iTrick, Mackster, Surfrider, Blitz1030, Cavak, Tracer, Lexie, Nobot4life, Tripperz, Butterscotch, LOCISVU & steple

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**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	20. Run

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 20: Run**

Alex walked slowly down the stairs the hand the held Casey's tightly, shaking. The family, at the bottom of the stairs, the friends, they all knew she'd left the family on bad terms…and hated it.

Once they reached the bottom, Casey took her arm to better steady her as they walked through the house, Alex accepting various condolences from the same people who couldn't believe she'd dare show her face and hated her preference. Aunts, uncles, everyone started at her with disgust as she walked through the crowd, tightly joined to Casey.

She was used to it. It was like that right before she'd left for New York. Seemed like everyone around town knew everything. It sickened her, their hated for it. Though she knew everyone had a right to their own opinion, couldn't one person in this damn town cut her a break, even just for now?

What was worse was that Casey was taking it as well and she shouldn't have to. "You don't have to stay down here."

Casey just nodded. "I know, but without me, you'd fall and you can't afford to."

"Alexandra!"

She cringed, looking toward the voice and seeing her mother's closest friend, approaching. "Get ready for the berating."

She walked over, brunette hair in a bun, green eyes focused, in a black dress with matching heels, hugging Alex tightly practically shoving Casey off of her. "I'm so sorry!"

She nodded, pulling away. "Thank you," she said distantly, reaching for Casey again.

The woman assessed Casey, giving her a glare. "Who are you? You don't seem to be from around here."

"My name is Casey. I…work with Alex."

The lady looked her up and down again, and was about to speak when Alex said in a rather too loud, defiant voice, "This is my girlfriend."

She looked at Casey, shying away a bit. "Ugh! Your father told me it was a phase! I can't believe you brought this - this Sin here! Especially for a funeral!"

"My mother approved. It's her funeral."

She sighed. "Well, apparently, she didn't tell anyone else. Maybe she was ashamed. Your father disapproves. She should've! Anyway, I'm sorry," and she walked away.

Casey looked at her. "I feel like I should apologize, but I don't know why."

Alex's hand tightened in hers, and a moment later another, larger hand squeezed the hand hanging by her side. Glancing to her left, she saw Peter give her a reassuring smile before being pulled away.

Casey sighed. "Do you want to go greet more people? Or we could leave early to the funeral...if you still want to go?"

Alex looked a little unsure, but when she saw more people looking towards them with that familiar expression, she pulled Casey towards the door. "Let's just go now."

Casey nodded, grabbing their jackets and following her out into the cold. Standing by the car, Casey wrapped her arms around her. "It's going to be okay? Do you want to drive or should I?"

"..Can you?"

She nodded, kissing her cheek and getting in the driver's side, Alex, the passenger's.

Before Alex knew it the church was packed with family, friends and people that knew of her mother. When they walked to the front row, everyone looked with honor at them, except Alex, their eyes glared as they whispered about what Alex kind of ploy she had used to get the woman beside her.

Alex insisted Casey sat beside her. She didn't remember much after the obit was read. She knew she was called up to speak, she knew she gave a moving speech, but she couldn't remember a word. It was blurry.

* * *

The next thing she registered was driving back to the house with Casey, sobbing uncontrollably, asking when they were going home so things could, relatively, get back to normal.

"I want to go home! Please, I want to go home!"

Casey sighed, rolling to a stop in front of the house, unbuckled and pulled her close. "I know you do, baby. I know. I'll check the tickets when we get inside, okay? Our week is nearly up, so if you father asks, I don't see that causing a problem. You did really well," she whispered into her hair. "The eulogy you gave was beautiful."

"I don't care! I want to go home. Now! Please!"

Casey got out, helping Alex into the house, where her father was on the couch.

He glanced up when they walked in, then looked back down at his drink.

Casey sighed, stopping beside him. "Alex and I will be on the next flight out. Our week off from work is over."

He looked up at her, then at Alex, then down at his drink. A second later, the glass was smashed on the ground and he was on his feet.

Casey positioned Alex behind her. "What? What's wrong? Thought you'd be happy we were out of your hair - the disgrace gone."

"You're going to leave me too are you? Your mother's gone, your brother has disappeared, and now you think you're going?" He looked over Casey's shoulder at Alex.

"Yes, we are! Our lives are in New York, our jobs, people who respect and treat us well," she pulled Alex up the stairs.

He followed them, but seemed to stumble on the stairs, and when they reached Alex's bedroom and shut the door, he'd gone quiet.

Casey sighed, sitting Alex on the bed. "Start packing. Or we could sit here a second, that's okay too..."

Alex began packing, or rather just throwing things into her bag, quickly.

Casey handed her various items from the floor before sitting on the bed, resting a hand on hers. "Alex..."

"We need to hurry up. Before he decides to try and keep us here."

Casey nodded, perplexed. "Got everything?"

Alex nodded, and rather roughly pulled her across the hallway to her room, jumping a little when there was a loud bang from outside.

"What was that?"

"...Probably a gun. Where's your bag."

"...Next to the bed. Packed. I assume we're taking the next. Y-you're not serious?"

Alex pulled Casey's bag onto the bed and gave a small shrug, not looking at her.

"While you were getting out of the car, I booked us on the next flight out. Is your brother around? We could use a ride."

Alex shook her head. "He'll have gone when he saw...we can call a taxi."

She nodded. "I don't blame him. You call. I got the plane."

Alex called, jumping again when there was a bang closer to the house.

Casey wrapped her arms around her. "We're almost out. I swear to God, he's not going to hurt you again. Should we go wait outside?"

Alex glanced out the window, hesitated, then nodded.

Casey grabbed her suitcase, Alex hers and they made their way from the house to lean against the car they had taken. "Hey Alex, when we get back, will we be made up?"

Alex managed a smile. "I think so."

Casey smiled, wrapping an arm around her. "Good, that'll make up for having to work late the next week."

There was a crash from behind them, and her father yelled out her full name, but Alex ignored him, resting her head on Casey's shoulder.

Casey wrapped her arm tighter around her. "It's gonna be okay. Hey?"

Alex raised her head, looking at her with round eyes.

Casey kissed her softly. "I love you."

Alex went to speak, but suddenly her face paled and her eyes rose to look into her father's face behind Casey.

Hearing her inhale, her grip becoming tighter, she turned. "What?"

"Come back into the house, Alexandra." His voice behind her was cold.

She, boldly, pulled away from Casey. "Why? So you can belittle me, slap me and bring up the choices you don't deem appropriate? I'm never coming here again! I love my life the way it is! I have a well-respected job, friends, and, most importantly," she wrapped an arm around Casey. "I have Casey. Casey _Novak_," her smile was smug at his shocked outrage. "Oh, didn't I mention her last name? She loves me for who I am and that's more than you ever have," she said as the car pulled up behind them. "Let's go."

She climbed into the car and refused to look back at him as they drove away.

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: eljh55, Blitz1030, Wigler, Lexie, Nobot4life, Butterscotch, steple, Tripperz, Cavak, iTrick, LOCISVU, Surfrider, Stussy, Tracer, Mackster & tummer22

322 for 19 chapters is awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


	21. Rest

Cabin Fever

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

**Chapter 21: Rest**

Casey sighed, sitting at her desk on Monday night working late as part of the agreement Olivia had worked out with Liz for her to be able to attend Alex's mother's funeral with her. She was looking over her second case, ten minutes in, and she was already emotionally drained. After they'd gotten back to New York, Casey has insisted Alex sleep in her own bed for some reason. She knew she would've been more than happy to comfort her, but something told her that night Alex would be better off on her own and she'd, begrudgingly, agreed, saying she needed to work a few things out alone, but promised to call if it became too much. She hadn't, so Casey assumed she'd handled it okay.

Alex hadn't shown up at her office door like she normally did on a Monday morning, and in fact even though Casey had thought she'd heard her voice several times, she hadn't seen her all day

Concerned, Casey stopped in to ask Liz if she'd seen her at all today. She knocked on the open door.

Packing up for the day, Liz looked up, distracted. "What is it?"

She cleared her throat. "It's Casey. Have you seen or heard from Alex today?"

"She sent me a message, said she'd start tomorrow. I tried calling her, she didn't answer."

"Okay, that's news to me, though not unexpected. We, uh, kind of had a rough time."

Liz nodded, pushing the last of her work into her briefcase.

"I've looked over that second case about three times, two full pages of notes. Would you have a problem if I called it a night? Plus, I'm a little worried. I thought she'd be in today or at least tell me."

Liz gave a sigh, turning around to get her coat. "Fine, just make sure she gets in tomorrow."

She nodded. "I'll drag her if I have to. I'll make up for this if you want."

"It's fine. Just go and find her...make sure she's ok."

She nodded again, leaving the room to grab her coat before leaving the building and hailing a cab.

* * *

Alex lay in bed, fast asleep, her limbs all thrown out haphazardly, her hair knotted.

Thinking of comfort, though not knowing how, Casey checked her apartment first. She found the door unlocked, oddly. Walking in, she saw nothing was out of place. She could hear something in the bedroom, walking back cautiously, she inched the door open, seeing Alex fast asleep under the covers. She shed her shoes and jacket, sitting on the bed next to her stroking her hair. Her cheeks were moist, eyes red. Casey laid beside her, stroking her face, gently, grasping the hand that lay above the covers. "Alex," she said softly.

Alex woke, groggily, fresh tears starting. "I'm sorry. I asked the landlord. I couldn't sleep at home."

Casey pulled her close, rubbing her back. "It's okay, baby. I just wish you would've told me. I thought you were...ok, I mean, you didn't call me," she said, kissing her cheek.

"I thought you wanted some space."

Casey shook her head, "Not if you're still hurting this badly. If you would've said you couldn't handle it, I would've let you stay. I'm sorry."

Alex buried her head in Casey's shoulder, thankful she had the real person here rather than the pillow that smelt like her she'd been using for comfort.

Casey rubbed her back, feeling her shake. "It's okay. I'm here now."

"I don't know what I would do without you, Casey."

Casey pulled her head back, smiling and kissing her. "I'm glad I don't know. Is everything coming at once? Is that why you're like this?"

She attempted her usual long winded, complex answer, but gave up and just gave a miserable nod.

Casey nodded, letting go to slip out of 95% of her clothes before slipping back under the covers. "Why don't you tell me about her?" she said, wrapping her arms around her again.

Alex shook her head. "I've been thinking about her all day. I want to think about something nice like...a summer holiday, or an ice cream headache...or us."

"What about us?"

"Anything. The future?"

Casey smiled. "Well, if you wanted to, you could take a shower and we could go back to the little restaurant? I'm kinda hungry. How 'bout you?"

Alex gave a small nod, reaching up a hand to rub her red eyes.

Casey pulled her hands away. kissing away her tears. "We don't have to."

"I want to. I'll have a shower. I just..I only wore only clothes here..and..." She lifted the covers, showing an old tank top and ripped track pants.

Casey smiled. "I'll pick out something for you, okay? Did you want to borrow underwear too?"

A smile finally pulled at Alex's mouth. "Do you really think I could manage a whole dinner wearing your underwear? I don't."

Casey sat up, pulling Alex with her. "I know," she whispered in her ear. "I just wanted to see that smile," she said, hugging her tightly. "We're okay."

* * *

In the restaurant, Alex seemed to have cheered up a lot and was eating heartily from her own plate, as well as taking things from Casey's.

Casey couldn't help laughing a bit, glad to see her condition improve as she sipped at her wine and ate more. "You seem a bit better."

"I think it's the company."

She nodded. "I believe it," she replied, finishing the glass. "What else would you like to do tonight?"

Alex gave a rather wicked smile but didn't reply.

"I should've known better than to ask. Would you like more wine?"

Alex shook her head, reaching across to steal the last shrimp from Casey's meal.

Casey's pout quickly turned upwards. "Alex, are you sure you're well enough?"

"For what?" Her eyes sparkled, but the fact she'd been crying only an hour earlier was still obvious, and her face still looked paler than usual.

"Your smile just...implied..."

"Yes?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"...Something of a sexual nature?"

"Well I don't know why you'd think that. I'm a good girl, Casey Novak."

"Oh, uh, I think a member of you family could say otherwise...maybe your brother, seeing as he came about two inches from catching ua?"

Alex lowered her head and began playing with her food, the mention of her brother reminding her where they'd been and why. A moment later, she pushed back her chair. "I'm just...toilet."

Casey sighed, silently cursing herself for bringing it up as she followed her into the restroom.

There was a line by the time she got there, and several women glared at her as she made her way past them

Casey just sighed, remaining silent. "I'm sorry," she whispered once they were inside. "I wasn't thinking."

Alex splashed her face with water, then lent on the bench.

Casey stood next to her. "What can I do? What can I say to fix this?"

Alex still didn't reply, taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself.

Casey offered a hand, but remained where she was. "I'm sorry."

When Alex finally spoke, her words were unexpected. "Would you mind paying for dinner? I'm...going to go. I'll call Olivia or someone for a lift home."

She nodded. "Yes, b-but that's not necessary. I can-"

Without waiting to hear what she said, Alex walked past her, out the door.

Casey sighed, walking out and paying, watching as Alex put her coat back on. "Would you like me to wait?"

Olivia, who had apparently been near by, appeared at Casey's elbow before she could reply. "...Everything ok?

Casey sighed, shaking her head. "Liz expects you to be in tomorrow," she muttered before walking out to hail a cab.

Olivia turned to look at Alex, hands on her hips. "You know, I do have things to do other than run around looking after you two all the time."

Alex looked at her. "We know, but please Olivia, just take me home. Casey will be fine."

"Are you sure? She looked kind of upset."

She sighed. "...She made a comment that upset and...I wouldn't accept her apology. That's why she's upset. You don't have to fix everything. We're adults. Just...please take me home?"

"Why wouldn't you accept her apology?"

She shook her head. "...While we were there something...kinda...happened and my brother came like two minutes away from catching us. When she brought it up, it...reminded me of why we were there and...I guess I just think she should've known not to mention it!"

"So why can't you tell her that and let her apologize instead of telling me?

"Because Olivia, I just...I can't deal with it now! I was lying in her bed all day crying. Then I felt better when we came here and…"

"And now you want to go home and be alone again and leave her alone in her apartment feeling terrible?"

"No! I...I just..."

"Don't want to be with the person you love while you're feeling bad?"

"Because she brought it up again! I-I know she didn't mean to, but damn it, Olivia, tell me it doesn't affect you when you see an alcoholic?"

"You know it does, but I don't have anyone to comfort me when it does, you do, Alex. Look!" She pointed out the window where Casey was standing in the wind, looking out for a taxi as she held her coat around her tightly.

"Why do I not want her to matter right now? It-it's like I just want to be upset... Did you get that way?"

Olivia sighed, rubbing her face tiredly. She checked her phone before standing. "Probably. Come on, I'll take you home, but I can't stay, I need to get back."

Alex sighed, still looking out the window, seeing Casey pulling her coat tighter. "I hate this! Sh-she did all that for me..."

"Go and talk to her then. At least tell her what she did. I'll wait."

She sighed. "Thought you didn't have time?"

"I don't so hurry up."

Casey stood with her back to the wind, shivering. She should've brought a heavier jacket.

A moment later, a scarf was wrapped gently around her neck and a kiss was planted on her cold cheek.

Casey looked over surprised to see Alex beside her. "Hi."

Alex looked down to Casey's hands and opened her mouth, trying to find the words to tell her what she'd told Olivia, but somehow it didn't come so easily where Casey was involved.

Casey sighed. "Did you come out here to apologize or just stand here?"

Tears sprung to her eyes, and before she could stop them. She took a step back and stammered for a moment before looking into the restaurant for Olivia.

Casey took a step toward her. "Oh Alex! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have...I'm really sorry for everything tonight. I know this probably won't make up for anything, but I love you a—"

Alex took another step back. She wanted to fall into Casey's arms, she wanted to curl up with her in bed and sleep again, but she didn't want to admit it, she wanted to be angry with her, she wanted to hold onto the anger she'd managed to feel because it felt so better than the sadness.

Casey boldly took two steps forward, wrapping her arms around her. "I'm sorry. I want to make this better, please!"

Alex burst into tears.

Casey held her tighter, rubbing her back. "Its okay to be upset, be angry, cry. That's what grieving means and...I know I made it worse and I'll do whatever I can to make this better! I'm so, SO sorry, baby!"

Olivia ushered them to her car as Alex talked through her tears, telling Casey what she'd told Olivia.

Casey sat in the back with Alex in her lap. "Sshh, I know, I know! I was...being stupid."

Olivia silently drove them to Casey's, waving away her thanks.

* * *

Casey wrapped her arm around her. "What do you say we got to bed, huh?" she asked as they walked into her apartment.

Alex gave a soft hiccup and nodded.

Casey smiled. "That's my Lex. Here, take off your shoes and coat."

Alex did as she was told, suddenly very tired.

Casey did the same, draping her arm over her shoulder as she led her to the bedroom and sat her on the bed. "Can you get undressed?"

She nodded, getting undressed, but Casey left the room for a moment and when she returned, she found Alex fast asleep on her stomach with only her pants on.

Casey walked over, pulling her pants off before pulling the blankets down enough to pull them over Alex as she got in herself. She pulled Alex closer. "I love you."

* * *

**Author's note:** What do you think?

Review **thanks **to: eljh55, Blitz1030, Wigler, Lexie, Tripperz, steple, Stussy, Surfrider, iTrick, Butterscotch, Nobot4life, Madds21, Cavak, Mackster, Tracer & LOCISVU

338 for 20 chapters is awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


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